I never engaged with people who sent me messages on Facebook until this guy came in. He was persistent. He will send a message, I will read and not respond but it didn’t stop him from coming. A lot of blue ticks to his messages without response, yet he kept sending messages every day. One day I got curious. I said, “Let me find out what this guy really wants from me.” I responded to his messages and a conversation started. We talked every day to a point I started looking forward to his messages when I wake up.
Weeks turned into months and the likeness I harbored in my heart turned into love. We started dating and If you ask me who a caring man is, I would not think twice before I show you a picture of my man. He was the epitome of a kind and loving boyfriend.
Nine months later, he asked me to be his wife. I am a final-year student and my career path is quite demanding. To accept his marriage proposal, I had to think a lot about everything happening in my life and see if it was right for me to commit. I wasn’t going to say no, it wasn’t an option. I didn’t say yes immediately too because I needed to know he understood what he was asking us to commit to. Regarding the typical checks a lady would do before accepting a marriage proposal, I had done it and he ticked all the boxes.
Religious, check. Handsome, check. Financial stability…well, he wasn’t working. He told me he resigned from his work a while ago but he had people who worked for him on the sides and generate a considerable amount for him every day. I don’t know what kind of work it is but it’s enough for him to spoil me and my potential family. I guess it will suffice, so, stability, check.
In a bid to convince me to say yes to his marriage proposal, he began to enumerate his plans for us; “After we get married, we will move to my 3-bedroom apartment where you will have one bedroom and I will have one for myself too.” I didn’t hear a word after those words roll off his tongue. “Separate bedrooms?” I asked. I was shocked because the idea was so foreign to me. Why would a man marry a woman just so she can sleep in a different room? “Yes, different rooms,” he answered. “One for you and one for me.” “But why do you want to marry me only to put me in a room separate from yours?” I asked. “Oh, don’t be archaic. All the rich people in our society now live like this. We are married but we still can maintain our individuality. A little privacy won’t hurt anyone,” he said and quickly added, “Besides, I will be praying in my room at midnight and you know I’m a Muslim. When I’m praying, you’re not supposed to be there to cause distractions.
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I protested. I told him I wouldn’t like to live with my husband that way; “We belong together so we have to live in the same room.” He called me inconsiderate. He said, “I have accepted everything you brought into this relationship. I don’t like my woman to work night shifts but you said your work will demand that you work night shifts. I’ve accepted that one so why can’t you accept mine? If you can’t accept the fact that we have to be in separate bedrooms then maybe we should rethink this relationship.”
He stormed off after telling me that.
He has since not spoken to me and it’s beginning to feel like I have lost him for good. He won’t reply to my text messages after reading them. He won’t also pick my calls. I’m worried that he’s not talking to me but I’m more worried about his demands for separate bedrooms. I can’t picture myself sleeping in a room different from my husband’s. What will we do when we fight? Reconcile from across the rooms? When I desire my husband, I would have to go and knock on his door and hope it’s not locked? I want to know, are there couples here who live like that? How’s married life for those couples who live like that?
I don’t know what I should do now. Please advise. Or I should gather the courage and walk out of the relationship? Please tell me something before I make the wrong move.
–Faiza
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That guy is shady… red flags all-over. Not working but has people generating income for him??? You don’t know what he does or those income generating ventures…. a man who isn’t working and can afford to live in a 3bedroomed house… assuming his parents didn’t give it to him…. am sorry to sound like a wet blanket but this here sounds like a huge con artist to me. But check out facts first. Let the inner FBI in you come out at this point don’t go into it blindly. All the best
A Muslim marriage is potentially polygamous. He may be setting you up as one of his wives. Are you OK with that? Then also, it is crucial that you know exactly what his income sources do. If it’s illegal or frowns against your values, you will be setting yourself up for problems. All the best!
Although my boyfriend is not a Muslim he also talks about we sleeping in separate rooms when he get married. I’ve told him no and if he continues like this I’ll have to end things with him. So my dear make up your mind
I am highly disturbed about his temperament. Does he have to get so angry not to talk to your girlfriend because of disagreement? So, when you marry and this sort of disagreement erupts how will you handle it. I guess you have to always agree to his whims and caprices to be at peace with yourself. This is serious red flag to me and I will request you to watch it please.
Kindly find out what exactly he does to earn a living. You need to know before you decide to commit. Financial stability is prerequisite for a lasting relationship. If he isn’t ready to tobtell you, I will humbly suggest you get around him to get your information about his sources of income.
Please make your decision based on concrete facts and not emotions else you may regret later. I wish you well.
I have been married for 19 years and have lived in separate bedrooms with my wife. I think that was the best decision we ever made simply because even though we are a married couple, we still need the privacy living in separate bedrooms give us. As for your imaginations about having to knock your husband’s door anytime you enter his room, those things are minor worries as you will come to realize you actually don’t knock their door and they too don’t knock your door. Currently, I work I’m property management and I see so many couples break up literally every week that I think it has something to do with the fact that couples live in the same bedrooms and when they get a bit “tired” of the spouses and need some spaces to themselves, they do not get that. So,the results is for them to always ask for some space for a few days or months leading to the divorces I see all the time. So please if living in separate bedrooms is your only problem, don’t let the man go as it is rather beneficial for couples. Remember I have been married for 19 years. My first born is going to the university this yet. My wife and I have never regretted living in separate bedrooms.