Kojo and I were together for four years. We were so in love, that’s what I believed. Everything we did was for our future. That was the kind of relationship we had. I even contributed money when he was building his house. He told me, “Don’t think of it as my house, think of it as our house. This is where we will spend our life as husband and wife. And this is where we will raise our kids. So we are building this house together in a way that will depict the home we will build together.” Those were charming words from the man I loved. It was all the assurance I needed to know that he was as enthusiastic about our future as I was. Because of that, I didn’t hold back when it came to investing financially in the building.

At the point where we were making plans to get married, I noticed a sudden change in his behaviour. He was always lost in thoughts when we were together, and he seemed jittery. This behaviour was new to me so I assumed something was wrong. I asked him, “What is it? You are very distracted lately.” At first, he tried to dismiss me and act as if everything was fine, but I knew him too well to let it slide. So I pushed him until he finally told me, “There’s this girl, her name is Pat. I don’t know how it happened but we got close. And we started spending a lot of time together. Through that, we crossed certain lines. Now she is pregnant with my child. I didn’t want her to keep it because it would complicate the future you and I have planned, but her dad knows about it and he is insisting that we keep the baby.”

My whole life came crashing down at that moment. The future that we had planned became blurred by the tears I was shedding. Kojo went on to say, “I have thought about things and I think we should continue with our lives as planned. Let’s just help Pat take care of the pregnancy till she delivers. After that, we can let her go, and I will be sending her money for the child’s upkeep.” I forgive myself for how quickly I jumped at those words. I loved him and had invested so much in the relationship that I wasn’t willing to walk away without trying to make it work. That’s why I accepted his proposal, and took on the care of the pregnant girl, as though the pregnancy was mine.

One day I was there when Kojo’s best friend called me, “Abena, are you aware of what is going on right under your nose?” I thought he was referring to the pregnant girl so I responded, “Yes. I know Kojo got a girl pregnant.” Then I told him about our plans for the girl. When I finished talking he went silent for a minute. Then he sighed heavily and said, “I am sorry Abena, but there is something else going on. I am telling you this because I know how much you’ve given to this relationship. You don’t deserve any of what Kojo is doing.” “Is there something else I don’t know about?” I pushed. “Yes,” he replied, “As I’m speaking to you, Kojo is planning to marry that girl in a small traditional ceremony. The date is set for 19th September 2019.” The pain I felt is what I imagine soldiers felt when they got shot in the heart by an arrow.

While I was busy buying clothes for the pregnant girl and her unborn child, Kojo had planned their marriage. I did it all for love but I was made to look like a fool. In order not to carry my heavy face around town for too long, I started planning to leave town. Luckily, my posting came out around that time so I chose a different region from ours. By February 2020, I was posted to a new region and I got the opportunity to start my life afresh. Then came the Covid-19 pandemic and I was a frontline worker. While on the job I met Ohene. He was sweet and tender with me. Without trying too hard, he made me believe in love again. He is also a nurse so we are in the same field of work.

The happiness Ohene brought into my life erased the pain that Kojo caused me. Before I fully committed to the relationship I asked him, “Do you have a baby that I am not aware of or are you dating anyone else besides me?” He shook his head, “No, it’s only you. And there’s no secret baby hiding anywhere. Relax, you have nothing to fear with me.” I believed him and gave my heart to him. Only for me to find out later that he had a four-year-old child living with his mother. It was his mother who forced him to tell me the truth. After the revelation, they asked me to let the little girl stay with me seeing as schools were shut down. I was so disappointed that he lied to me but I let it go.

Another thing I discovered was, he lied about his finances. Ohene told me he had taken a loan, so all his salaries went into loan payments. Being the nurturer that I am, I took it upon myself to feed him and pay his utility bills. He even asked me to buy a new phone for him on his birthday, and I did. I also always took his daughter and sister on shopping trips. I just wanted to make him happy. But I found out later that he wasn’t on a loan. He was rather sending his salary to his mother to save for him. It was another disappointment, but I didn’t leave.

READ ALSO: I Proposed To The Man I Loved But It Turned Into A Huge Embarrassment

While on the job, I got infected with the Covid virus. Ohene knew about it but he didn’t even bother to show up for me when I was in quarantine. He rather went on leave. When he returned from leave I had recovered. He then started talking about marriage plans. I was sceptical about marrying him but I decided to go along with it just to be sure of whatever decision I would take. We proposed that our wedding would be in November 2021, and we started planning it. Along the line, I bought a piece of land, and Ohene suggested that I put his name on the documents. But my experience with Kojo and Ohene’s track record of dishonesty, had me saying no to him. Due to that, he got angry and refused to have anything to do with me concerning the land.

As our proposed wedding date was fast approaching, he told me that he didn’t have the money to contribute to the wedding. He said, “I am dealing with land issues at home so all my money is going into that.” I didn’t even know that he owned any land until that moment. Another lie, another disappointment. That was the third strike for me. So I ended the relationship. He was shocked. He cried like a baby, begging me not to leave. His mother and father called to talk to me but my mind was made up. I moved on with my life but I am still single and not ready to meet anyone yet.

My Friend With Benefits Is Pregnant For Me But That’s Not The Issue–Beads Media

My problem right now is Ohene. We work at the same hospital so we can’t avoid each other. This has given him the opportunity to constantly apologize to me. From 2021 till now, this guy is asking me for a second chance. He is sweet and caring but I am scared to give him a second chance. The last time I gave a man a second chance, he ended up planning a secret marriage ceremony with another woman. So I don’t want to repeat the same mistake. Am I being inconsiderate to Ohene? What should I do?

–Abena

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