My husband is very stubborn. He doesn’t listen to me when things are going wrong. He feels he’s always right and as a woman, I have to listen to what he says. We always run into problems. When we fight, even when I’m right, I apologise and forgive him easily. He would keep fighting me for days. He won’t eat my food or even give me housekeeping money.

I was frustrated so I figured I had to talk to someone about our struggles. My parents were the wrong people to talk to so I avoided them—especially my dad. Even if I’m wrong, he’ll say I’m right and start a fight with whoever I’m fighting with. I decided not to bring them into my marital issues because they can make things worse. So I spoke to my husband’s parents.

I narrated all our troubles without any exaggeration. By the time I got back home, my husband was aware and was so pissed. “What gave you the audacity to speak to my parents? Am I a child? You told them so they’ll come and beat me?”

All I wanted was for them to speak to my husband but in the end, they rather called me in the presence of my husband and gave me a proper dress down. His mom said, “I know you’ve been telling a lot of people about this, making my son look bad in public. What is it that you can’t settle but go around telling people?”

His father also contributed and they later gave the floor to my husband. Come and see insults and name-calling. Even when I started crying, he didn’t stop. He kept going and going until his dad screamed, “Won’t you apologize to him so he stops insulting you? You don’t know how to say sorry? Is that what you do in the marriage?”

I feel defeated and worn out. My husband now knows I have nowhere to turn to so he treats me anyhow and talks to me the way he feels is right even when he’s wrong. I can’t go out there and talk to anyone about my marriage and its troubles. I don’t want to bring my parents in. If my dad gets to hear what my in-laws did to me, he will be in their house the next minute. Who do I talk to now? We Don’t have a pastor.

— Abena

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