I was with my friend Tiphany, and it was dark. We met two guys and the shorter one who wore glasses requested to talk to me. He said, “I have admired you from behind for minutes now and I want to be your friend.” In shock, my friend asked him if he approaches every beautiful girl in the dark. His friend defended him and said it was his first time. That night I didn’t tell him my real name. Neither did I give him my number. I told him to mark my face and hairstyle, and if he recognized me another time we would talk.

After several days we bumped into each other in the corridors of the school and he recognized me. We had a conversation, and it turned out we were in the same faculty but he was two years ahead of me. I gave him my number that day and we kept in touch. After several weeks, I don’t remember Peter proposing to me to be his girlfriend. We were just talking and doing things that lovers do. He was loving, kind and gentle with me. As our relationship got deeper he introduced me to his friends and I did the same with him. Our love story was beautiful and we lived it till he completed university and left. We kept in touch, but we rarely saw each other.

In my second year, he came back for his graduation and he had to come early for the preparation. I was so excited so I prepared everything to meet him and host him for the time he would be around, only to find out he had planned to meet with one of my close friends. This is a girl who always told me how handsome my boyfriend was and how lucky I was to be with him. Apparently, they met in a guest house to do God knows what behind my back. When I got wind of it I was devastated. I had never been betrayed like that before. I cried so much but Peter tried to lie and comfort me that nothing happened between them. I was too hurt so we broke up when he left school and I had finished my semester.

After several weeks he reached out to me and I responded. We talked for hours and he apologized for hurting me. He promised heaven on earth to treat me better if I took him back. I figured it was a first offence so I accepted his apology and we got back together. He became a good guy, and we were happy. He got a good job immediately after graduating. This enabled him to move out of his parents’ house. I was so happy that he had a place of his own. He also introduced me to his family and they were wonderful people.

I spent time at his place before I reported to school every semester. And every time I went there, we argued about a new girl he was sleeping with or flirting with. This continued until I got tired and minded my own business. Around early 2018 there was a constant girl he was talking to, her name is Faith. He said she was a friend who needed help so he was helping out. I took his explanation and we moved on as that couple who loved each other. I was graduating in the same year 2018 and we discussed that I should move in with him in the city for easy job hunting. I explained our plans to my parents and they were against it. But I still went ahead and moved in with him. While we were living together, Faith kept popping up. I tried to verify his explanation but Peter became protective of his phone. So I just fought him and we existed.

Sometime in 2019, I got a one-month job and we had to travel so I left Peter behind. In the middle of the month, I got an emergency and had to travel to the city. I had a key to our place so I didn’t tell Peter I was coming home. He was at work so I had a lot of time alone in the house. I noticed my clothes and shoes were carefully hidden. My neighbour also saw me and said, “I saw you last week with your boyfriend and I called you but you ignored me.” I had travelled that week so it wasn’t me that she saw. I connected the dots and confronted Peter when he came home. We argued and he admitted that Faith visited him. That night I cried myself to sleep and he begged me and apologized the entire night.

One thing I learned is if you forgive infidelity, it’s a way of telling them they can continue doing it and keep begging for your forgiveness. I didn’t realize this lesson back then so I stayed with Peter. But along the line, I started entertaining other people too. But I was careful not to sleep with them. It was only one time that I kissed a guy. Even that, I felt so guilty that I confessed it to Peter. He was so mad that he called me names. He told all his friends and even his mother that I cheated on him. couldn’t listen to me. I had to ask for forgiveness repeatedly but he never forgave me. He didn’t break up with me either. He just reminded me of it anytime he did something awful and I complained. “Do you remember when you kissed another guy? You are so cheap.” It was always like that.

On the outside, we were the couple his single friends admired and looked up to. But on the inside, it was something else. Apart from being a cheat, he had a drinking problem. He consumed alcohol like food and it worried his parents. They told me; “If you are able to get him to stop taking alcohol, we will officiate your wedding ourselves.” I was desperate to have him as a husband so I did everything to get him to stop drinking. But I failed.

When COVID hit the country, Peter’s mother lost her job. This led her to start a business. She hired people to help her but they couldn’t work with her. They all came and left. So she fell on me to help her. I had to travel to Peter’s parents’ town to help run the business. I helped with the business and did all the chores at home. I didn’t have a single day to rest. Even Sunday was laundry day, so I cleaned for the family and cleaned the home and then operated the family business. This affected my relationship with Peter because I couldn’t make time for him. He always promised to visit but he never did, and we fought about it a lot.

I got a chance to visit him in the other city once and all my neighbours had news for me. Peter had been having women over, ever since I left. He told everyone that we broke up. When I confronted him he admitted it once again that Faith visited him. “I did it because you cheated on me,” he said. I should have left him right? Well, I didn’t.
We fought every day after that visit and I even told him to bring my stuff to me and forget about me. Guess what? Peter travelled and brought me my clothes. His parents begged me not to leave him so we resolved our issues before he left.

A year later I got an internship in the town where his family lives and I was so excited. That was my first real job since I graduated. My parents put resources together and got me a place. The only money Peter gave me was $20. I invited him over to my place but he always gave me excuses. He wouldn’t let me visit him either. My neighbours back at Peter’s apartment told me it was because a girl had moved in with him. When I confronted him, he moved from that place to a different place where he would not be monitored. When the one-year internship ended, we discussed that we would move in together and start a family officially. But when the time was up, he was living with Faith. I asked him and he said, “It’s not true. Stop listening to our enemies. These single and miserable people want to destroy our relationship.” I bought his lies, stupid me.

In December 2021, Peter’s dad was graduating and his family expected me to attend it. A day before the graduation, Peter called me and told me he was around for his dad’s graduation and I was not allowed to attend. He took me to his family and he had the right to tell me not to go there again so I obliged. On the weekend of that very week, his mother called me to ask why I didn’t attend the graduation and I explained things to her. She asked me, “Did Peter tell you anything?” I told her, “No, we are good. We were even together after the graduation party. She sighed and told me to come and see her. When I got there she told me Peter came home with a pregnant girl. He introduced her as his girlfriend and told them he had ended things with me.

I was so hurt I couldn’t even cry. I took my belongings from his parents’ home and left. When I boarded the bus, I wailed like a baby. The hurt, betrayal, and deceit were too much for me. I knew from that day that I was done with Peter. I called my mom when I got home and cried to her. I honestly thought that I would die of heartache. I remember going to a sauna two weeks after the news. I stayed there for over an hour without a break. It was the attendant who came to get me, out of fear that I would collapse. I was numb. Peter told me a million times through his actions that he never loved or respected me yet I didn’t listen.

I was twenty-sixty and single. My age mates were celebrating marriage anniversaries and babies, engagements and showers. I was scared I wouldn’t get a man to love me. Healing was a slow process, and I soldiered through it. Sometimes, I wrote down how I felt because it helped me feel better. One day I wrote all the qualities I wanted my future husband/ next partner to have. I thought some of them were imaginary but I was trusting my God to come through for me. And God being so faithful I secured another job that took me to another town. Somewhere in March while I was walking home from work I bumped into an old soulmate.

We hadn’t seen each other in years so we had so much to share. He was doing well In the cooperate world and had a booming business. He had grown into a handsome man and I was so happy for him. He knew I was dating a guy for years so he asked me if I married him and had babies already, I lowered my face and told him Peter left me. He also told me he had a girlfriend and he was hoping things would be good that he marries the girl in December this year. I was happy for him and wished him well. I went on with my life until this old friend reached out to me in June. He said he needed someone to talk to and asked me if we could grab dinner. I, who didn’t have a social life said yes and we went out that day.

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He told me he had issues with his girlfriend so they ended things a month ago. From that day, we started talking and he took me on dates. He would pick me up and drop me off at my place when the date was over. All he did was hug me, even though the hugs were not too tight. After several dates, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. I was scared but I gave him a chance. It was hard to accept being loved right. But Trove’s love is calm and assuring. I am a complete individual and so is he. He respects me and loves me. I don’t have to beg for anything. He pours everything into me before I even ask. I didn’t know I was in a toxic relationship for six years until I met Trove. I pray that this love remains blissful and pure. He matches all the qualities I wrote down months ago, and I love him so much.

What Do You Look For In A Partner You Want To Settle With?–Beads Media

We’ve been together for five months but plans are underway for us to tie the knot in January next year. He is rubbing my feet as I write this story, and he has no idea that I’m writing about him. I look at him and I bless the heavens.
I’m sharing my story to inspire someone who is holding on to that relationship in the name of we’ve been through a lot. Leave him or her and choose yourself. There’s someone out there who will give you all that you’re begging for right now. Wipe those tears and choose yourself, darling.

Ooh, guess who contacted me a month ago? Peter. With all the lies exes come with. I wasn’t mad at him and my heart didn’t race and that’s when I knew truly I’m at peace and I love it here. I heard he is having issues with his baby mama and his drinking habits are worsening. I don’t wish him bad or misfortune. All that matters to me is that I am living in my answered prayers.

— Juuju, Kenya.

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