I was stupid. Or I was so obsessed I didn’t look out for the tell-tales that said he was married. I was busy loving a man I’d met not long ago because he was caring, considerate and loving, something I never found in any of my exes. Yes, they were loving at first, considerate in the middle but turned into demons at the end of the relationship. Chris was different. His plans and thoughts about me spoke about a great future so I gave my all to him.
Though he didn’t pick up my calls mostly in the evening, I didn’t think deeply about it. When I asked him to take me home and he gave me reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, I fell for the reasons instead of interrogating them. His brother was living with him and would soon move out. “Once he moves, we’ll own that house. I would even like you to come and live with me,” he told me. I responded, “I can’t wait for that day when the two of us will live together.”
I followed him when he travelled out of town. Sometimes we were gone for the whole weekend. Sometimes it was for a day or two. I didn’t mind. He only had to tell me, “Edith, we are travelling on Thursday.” I wouldn’t even ask where we are going. I would get ready and he would come for me. It’s only when we reach our destination that I ask, “Please where are we?”
This continued for a year. We were good. I didn’t care that I didn’t know his house. I knew where he worked and that was enough for me.
I missed my period. It was days late until days turned into a week. I discussed it with him. He pushed me to test for pregnancy. I didn’t. I felt it was the after-pills that have changed my circle. Plus I didn’t have any symptoms of pregnancy so I held on to the hope that it would come when it would come.
One day I was out with him when a gentleman approached our table. He recognized him immediately so they started shouting and jubilating for meeting after so many years of absence. The guy looked at me and asked, “Is that your wife? I saw your invitation on the page but I was not in town.”
This gentleman wouldn’t wait for an answer from Chris. He just turned to me and shook my hands but it was my heart that was shaking. I was waiting for Chris’ answer but it took forever before he said, “Yeah, that’s my wife. I thought you wouldn’t recognise her.”
I looked at Chris with concerned eyes. He winked at me so I smiled. Immediately the gentleman left I asked, “You’re married?” He laughed out loud.”Don’t mind him. It’s a boys’ joke. I posted you on my status and he asked if you were my wife. I said we were about to marry. I thought he had forgotten.”
The guy mentioned invitation and not status. Of course, I wasn’t dumb so I started doing my investigation. Chris was married. He had three kids and his wife was carrying the fourth baby.
“Chris, so you lied to me? What did I do wrong? I thought we had a real thing going on. Why would you do that to me?”
I was sobbing while he tried to console me by using those clichés; “I knew you wouldn’t say yes to me if you knew I was married. I loved you so much I didn’t want to hear no from you.”
I wanted to slap him. I wanted to break something, his legs or his balls. Anything breakable but we were in a public space so I simmered down. I told him, “I’m pregnant. Your wife is also pregnant. Five children. Brace yourself for childcare because it’s going to be tough for you.”
I left him there but he followed. I picked a taxi and left but he followed the taxi and met me at my gate. He said, “Please don’t have the child. It will be difficult for you and me. I might not be in the child’s life and that doesn’t benefit anyone. Please consider the child’s welfare and not have it.”
I was mourning the death of our beautiful relationship but he thought I was crying because of the pregnancy. He called three times every day, pleading with me to abort. He sent money when I hadn’t asked for money.
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I wasn’t pregnant. During that time, my menses came but I wasn’t going to leave him off the hook like that so I asked for compensation. He said the money was huge so I should give him some time. I said, “It’s all up to you. If you don’t bring it and the baby grows, I wouldn’t be blamed for that.”
I asked for GHC10,000. He brought me GHC5,000 and pleaded for more time. He also pleaded with me to get rid of it before it was too late.
It was during those times that my aunt in Accra called that she had gotten a job for me. I had to travel to Accra the next day and when I did, my aunt asked me to stay and begin working. I didn’t tell Chris about it. He was struggling to raise the GHC5,000. He was dying to meet me but I wasn’t ready to see him.
One day he called and said, “I’ve begged you enough. If you won’t listen to me and want to go ahead with the pregnancy, go ahead. After all, it’s human you’re going to give birth to.”
I laughed when I read the message. I wanted to tell him the truth knowing very well he couldn’t raise the money but the voice in my head said, “Don’t tell him. Make him suffer the way his lies made you suffer.”
Instead of telling him the truth, I said, “Thank you for giving me the go-ahead. I know where you work. When I deliver, I will bring the baby to your workplace.”
He got angry after reading the message so he called to insult me. He called me the devil who had been sent to collapse his life. “Do whatever you want. Do you think this will destroy me? It will destroy you before it destroys me. Ask your friends how difficult it is to find a man to marry even when you’re alone. But you want to be born one.”
After that conversation, I blocked him and decided to carry on with my life without him in the picture. But I couldn’t stop thinking about what he did to me. I had a new job that paid very well. I had a new life I should be happy about but anytime that episode came into my head, my heart broke and I began to bleed again. Because of that, I didn’t want him to have peace. I would look for a pregnant tummy on the net and send it to him. I would say something like, “Your child is coming off nicely. It says hello.”
Right after the message, I would block him again. Anytime I remembered what he took me through, I sent him a photo with beautiful baby captions. One day I said, “I checked and is a girl. What name do you want to give her?”
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I waited. I didn’t block him immediately. Hours later he replied, “Keep the news to yourself. I have nothing to do with it.” I responded, “Oh so you’re going to deny it? Do you think I’ve deleted your messages? By now you should know what I intend to do with this. I know your wife. I know where you live. Wait for us.”
He ignored me until I blocked him again.
I woke up one dawn, checked the calendar and it was nine months six days. I texted him, “Your baby is here. I’m too tired to fight. Let’s make peace for the sake of this girl. Please send me money. I’m broke.”
He called in the morning. He was calm. “Edith, what are you going to tell this baby about me? You’ve caused me some pain and you know it. I’ve regretted everything. The insults, the name calling. Everything. Like you said, let’s make peace but we need to talk. I have to know where you are.”
I told him I was living with an aunt because of the pregnancy but my aunt was not willing to see him because of what he’d taken me through. He said, “Let’s keep it a secret for now. I don’t know until when but I’ll send money for her upkeep. I’ll do my best as long as you don’t destroy my life. If you do, then both of us will lose everything.”
I agreed. I didn’t need his money but the game was getting interesting at this point so I resolved to continue playing. He sent me enough to cover hospital bills. He told me he would send monthly allowances and begged me not to block him again.
Two weeks later, I texted, “I know you don’t care about this baby but don’t you want to see her? You haven’t asked for a photo or anything. No matter what, she’s still your daughter. At least give her some care.”
I texted him early dawn. When he woke up, he sent me a voice note, “Stop sending me messages about her. What if my wife reads it? And why do you text only at dawn?” I answered, “Because she doesn’t allow me to sleep.”
My imaginary baby is six months old and he sends money every month for a baby who doesn’t exist. Sometimes I feel very bad. I feel I’m not different from him if I can do all that. I’m equally evil for paying evil with evil. I want to tell him the truth but when I think of how relieved he would be, I’m like, “No, not today. Maybe when the baby is five years old, I’ll tell him the truth.”
Five years wouldn’t be enough to heal the pains his lies caused me. The heartbreak. The tears. The hurts of having my dreams come crashing down. And see, if I indeed got pregnant, this man would have pushed me to abort it, causing me emotional pain and the guilt of aborting an innocent child. How much can he pay for all that? How much would be enough to compensate for this evil?
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Men get away easily with things. It’s the reason they keep doing it. It’s the reason they don’t think hard about the effects of their lies. I won’t stop. The monthly allowances don’t make me taller or solve any particular problems in my life but the fact that a man is paying for his sins makes me content. I will continue until there’s no reason to continue. He wants to hide. I’ll help him hide but he has to pay for the hiding place I’m providing for him!
—Edith
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its funny and sad and filled with lots of lessons.
Please open an account and keep that money in it
Don’t stop, men have to pay sometimes for some of these things they do
Thumbs up
Edith, you are not hurting this guy in a real sense. This your supposed vengeance will not change any man’s ways of doing things. You pretended to feel bad about tricking or extorting monies from him which you claimed you were not proud of, I disagree with you on this assertion, you continually took monies from him because you see him as a cash cow. I will not wholly blame the guy entirely because you yourself failed to carry out thorough background checks on the mam.
If you had done that, without believing all the lies he told you, you would have averted or avoided all these menaces. You need to take equal responsibility and learn from this mistake and not always looking for a man to blame your own irresponsibilities on.
You forgot that men will always do anything possible just to have a woman. The onus lies with you to do a concrete background checks and have proof of all that he had told you and make an opinion. However, you failed in this area because in your own words he was very nice to you and very caring which you had earlier admitted that all those you dated wasn’t anywhere near him.
You see, as a smart young lady, you must be very intelligent and proactive in your thoughts and judgements but you were blindfolded by his caring.
Take responsibility here too. You see again, lots of young ladies fails to actually do due diligence on men that comes to them because in as much as the man had been very nice and caring, they’ll forget every other thing.
Young ladies must understand that most men don’t come because they love you or wants to marry you. Most of them only take advantage of women, for this reason, ladies must be proby and ask for more time to pray, think through and do background checks. This way, you can know some of his friends, home, family and even his place of worship.
But in real sense, most ladies jumps into any relationship without recourse to traditional or cultural norms for their own safety and security.
Finally, you made mention of traveling with him to several locations sometimes without even knowing where you were going. This is another mistake. I’m even sure you didn’t even tell anyone about your expeditions with him. What if something went wrong maybe accident or maybe he had planned to do something to you maybe for ritual purposes? You see where your mistakes are coming from just because you believe he was being caring?
What about all the monies and the cares he had spent on you too? You aren’t the one to punish him if he had sinned against you. Your place is to forgive him. As it stand now, you have more burden on yourself than he has on him now. You will have to do more apologies for blackmailing him all these while. Was he the only man who has lied to you before? He has nothing to lose now. Don’t forget my sister that the good book says do unto others what you would have others do unto you. The seeds you sow today, don’t forget will germinate tomorrow. Most women suffer mostly in their marriages or end up marrying arbitrarily wrong people and suffers the eternal consequences due to certain treatments they’ve given to some men sometimes ago.
Know that you are also a human being and will offend someone tomorrow and might need their forgiveness. Stop this act immediately.
Any money obtained out of deception or corruption is a curse, simple.
Until you forget about him you have not healed! You think you are punishing him but you are hurting yourself more and opening yourself up to criminal charges in the future. It is obvious you are not deriving any satisfaction and it’s becoming an obsession. Let it go. Tell him the truth and block all communication with him. There’s genuine love waiting for you out there, but you need to close this door first.
Girl,
You’re hurting yourself more by taking this man’s money. You would have moved on long if you had decided to let go. You’re currently starked in hurt because you decided to ‘punish’ him. It wouldn’t certainly have taken you five years to heal but so long us the child support keeps coming in, it will keep reminding you of what you had together and how he hurt you.
But don’t forget you can’t keep lying forever. He will get to know you were lying to him all along and he could equally decide to take revenge on you by taking you on for defrauding him. Being charged for is a serious thing and the consequences could be die.
Better let go so you can give yourself the opportunity to heal.
Hello Edith,it’s an interesting world indeed. Am a man and I can tell you,we Ken also go through similar stuffs from ladies who betray us .it’s really painful but we some how find a way to heal and move on. I have several life experiences of ladies betrayal and hurts but as we speak,it was in one such painful moment that I met the sweet angel who is my wife for 4 good years now.
If you haven’t met him,I will advice/ suggest you meet him,disclose everything to him and move on now else “the chickens will come to roost ” and you will pay dearly for it as it always happens.
Sorry for the pain and hurt, we all (men and women) are scums sometimes but we still manage to live.
He was the best ever caring guy you had,rather dwell on the good memories and heal dear.
Please do it now before the year ends and rebuild come 2024.
Lots of love.
How is it a curse for the woman and not the man? its the man ho broke his marital vows!!!