When You Find The Perfect Man But He Is A Known Kleptomaniac

I found the perfect man. I was sure of it. When I say perfect, I mean it in every sense of the word. Since I met Kofi he has never done me wrong. He treats me like a princess. It is beautiful, the love we share. I know he is the one. I feel it in my spirit. Ever since a mutual friend introduced us, I knew we would end up together. It is one of those things you just know.

Whether I am with him or apart from him, he makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world. He doesn’t have much but he does not withhold his little from me. What even makes his generosity more special is that I don’t ask him for things. He knows my parents give me everything I want yet he still strives to give me things.

I know our love story sounds like the kind you read in fairytales, and it is true. That is exactly how it feels to be loved by Kofi. It feels magical. I am always happy. Well, I suppose I should say I was always happy until Yaw came along and burst my bubble. He shot me with a dose of reality I did not ask for, and now my head is all over the place.

Yaw is an old classmate of mine who happens to be in the same church as Kofi. He asked me, “Are you aware that your boyfriend and I have been friends since childhood? I know him like I know my own self. He also knows me very well.” Out of ignorance, I answered, “I didn’t know you two are friends but I am glad you are. He is such an amazing guy isn’t he?” He looked at me as if I had spoken a foreign language when I used the word amazing to describe Kofi. “Obviously, you don’t know anything about him,” he said.

He told me things about their childhood, and details about Kofi’s past that has altered the faith I had in my boyfriend. It turns out that this same Kofi who could do no wrong in my eyes has lived a very sketchy life. Yaw said there was a time Kofi was arrested by a landlord because he chose to live in an apartment that was above his pay grade. He ended up accruing several months of rent. His landlord ran out of patience and had him arrested.

Apart from that, he worked as a work-and-pay driver. That one too got him arrested because he would work with the car but not pay the car owner. Apparently, he will not be able to land a good job because he has no qualifications. He never completed school. Yaw talked about so many other mischievous things that the love of my life did. That day, my perfect world came crashing all around me.

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I confronted Kofi about the things I heard. He had explanations for everything that happened. He even said, “Babe, some of the things Yaw told you never happened. He made them up to make me look bad. I am his friend so I am surprised he has gone to such lengths to ruin my image. Besides, the ones that are true are in my past. This is who I am now, a man who works hard and makes an honest living. Trust me, I learned a lot from my past mistakes.” I tried to question him to make sure he was not lying to me but that became an issue. We argued about my sudden distrust of him. I did not want Yaw’s little expose to tear us apart so I accepted all his explanations and we lay his hideous past to rest.

I found out recently that just because we put the past to rest does not mean we can escape it. My mother called me that she spoke to an elderly person in Kofi’s church. Everything this person told my mother about him is exactly what Yaw told me about him. I could easily dismiss Yaw’s stories, but when it came from my mum it sounded different. It sounded like the truth. There was even an addition to the stories. Kofi was sacked from his previous job because he is a kleptomaniac. That is the last straw for me. You can’t go anywhere with a boyfriend who is a thief. He will disgrace you.

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My mother hasn’t asked me to leave him. She only said, “I am just giving this information to you so that you can decide on what to do.” This is where I am confused. I haven’t seen him act in any way that suggests that remnants of his past still linger in him. Compared to my ex, Kofi knows how to respect and treat a woman. He truly is everything I have prayed for in a man. While I am sure that I know who he is, I am also concerned that I may be blinded by the love I have for him. Maybe everyone is right about him but I am too swept up in his charm to see what is right in front of me.

The more I think about it, the more confusing it gets. This time around, I didn’t confront him. I want to be sure of my decision before I talk to him. That is why I am here seeking counsel. Should I leave him because of his past? Or I should focus on the present and enjoy what we have?

–Kay