Yesterday, I received three gifts from three different men. The first came in the morning: a cake, a card, and some flowers. My colleagues pounced on the cake, leaving very little for me in the end. That gift was from Jerry, a man I’ve dated for a year. He offers no assurance, commitment, or stability. He can disappear for days without explanation. When he returns, he tries to make it up to me with gifts. I accept them because gifts are my love language. We’ve talked about it. He tells me he will change, but the change never comes.

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So, I said yes to Elijah when he came around. But I was honest with him. I told him about Jerry and explained that I didn’t see the relationship going anywhere because Jerry wasn’t committed. Elijah told me he would be around. Whenever I decided to give him a chance, he would take it. We’ve been this way for over five months. He gives me the intimacy of his time. He calls, he texts, he’s the last to say goodnight and the first to say good morning. He does the job Jerry should be doing.

Yesterday, Elijah gave me a wristwatch, a necklace with my initials as the locket, chocolates, champagne, flowers, and a note that said, “You know I’ll be there for you always. Be my forever Valentine.”

The third gift came from a colleague who shot his shot. I told him I was engaged, but he still thinks there’s a chance for him. He comes around and tries to occupy spaces. I’ve given him the blunt truth. I’ve told him nothing is possible between us, but I could be his friend. He accepts the friendship tag today, only to tell me tomorrow that he wants more than that. Yesterday, he also brought flowers, cards, and confectionery.

In the evening, when I got home, I placed all the flowers together in a glass vase and set them on the centre table. They looked like they came from the same garden or were plucked by the same gardener. I wished they were from one person—Jerry or Elijah. If only Jerry would commit and surrender to this love, there wouldn’t be Elijah. I’m scared to give my all to Elijah, too, because men are sweet at the start until they decide to turn sour. Jerry did everything Elijah is doing now, in the beginning. I gave him my heart, and it stopped.

I was lonely in my room, even though I had three men in my life. I called Jerry around 8 p.m. and told him I wanted to be with him. He said, “Oh, I thought we agreed that I have things to do. Plus, you know I’m home with my parents.” I said sorry and hung up. Then I called Elijah. I asked what he was doing and if he could come over. He said, “Give me a minute.”

When he told me he was on his way, I felt bad. I knew I was going to use him to while away the night. I also knew I didn’t want to start something I couldn’t finish with him. So, I told him, “Something came up. Please don’t come now. I’ll call you later or come over myself.”

I ate some of the cake, freshened up, and went to bed, still scrolling through my phone. Around 11 p.m., I heard a knock on my door. “Elijah? I thought I told him not to come,” I said to myself.

I didn’t open the door or respond to the knock. The knocking was persistent until a call came through. It was Jerry. He was at the door. He had come to surprise me.

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

He’s still here as I write this, sleeping and snoring like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I know he loves me. Sometimes, I feel he doesn’t know how to show the depth of his love for me, so he does it in the wrong ways. I’m thinking of having one final conversation with him when he wakes up. He should choose to stay or leave me alone. But then again, I’ll tell Elijah to give me some space to figure out the problem that is Jerry. Maybe after that, I’ll have a clear headspace to decide what’s next.

—Ursula

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