My wife cheated and blamed it on me. She said I didn’t compliment her enough, that I didn’t even look at her, and for most of our marriage, I was the one who travelled and left her behind.

Those accusations aren’t entirely untrue, but they need to be understood in context. My job often takes me away. I spend about a week out of the house every month. When I’m away, I call her, though I can’t be on the phone with her all day because I know how lonely she feels without me.

Whenever I came home, I did my best to be present—not just physically but emotionally as well. I didn’t compliment her much, but that wasn’t how our relationship was built. We dated for three years before getting married, and I don’t recall a time when compliments were our go-to form of affection. Occasionally, we’d say sweet things to each other, but that was it.

In her eyes, my lack of compliments and physical absence gave her the right to seek attention from another man. They were still in the talking stage when I found out. They had planned meetings that didn’t happen because something always got in the way. The last time they didn’t meet was because my wife was on her period, which came earlier than expected, according to their messages.

My heart shattered while reading those messages. I could have suspected my wife of anything—even witchcraft—but not cheating. A leader of a church group? A tongue-speaking, deeply religious woman cheating on her husband?

When I confronted her, she was initially reflective and apologetic. She cried and begged me not to take things too far. However, a few days later, when I was still hurting and brought it up again, she said, “You should also accept your share of the blame. When was the last time we made love three times in a week? It all contributed to the situation. The spark is gone because you’re too busy being a man.”

When I pressed further, she said, “Why are you even angry? It didn’t happen. I’ve admitted I was wrong for thinking about it, but nothing actually happened. You should be thanking God you found out when you did—it happened for a reason.”

What annoys me the most now is her nonchalant attitude, treating the situation as if it doesn’t matter because, according to her, “it didn’t happen.”

How a Long-Distance Relationship Unveiled His Double Life

I’m considering a temporary separation, but I fear that if I detach myself from her for even a week, this marriage will collapse completely. There will be no pieces left to pick up. I’m not afraid to go down that road, but I want to be sure of my decision.

Yes, it didn’t happen. I acknowledge my role in this, but would I be wrong to bow out and not look back? The question that haunts me is this: “If it didn’t happen, is it worth breaking the marriage over?”

— Afred

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