I met him at the hospital I work at.

It was one Monday morning. I was late and I didn’t want to be caught and questioned by my in charge. In my attempt to avoid my In-Charge, I stumbled upon a car parked outside the facility. I panicked when I saw the car, I thought it was our director. I said to myself “Today be today. Besides having to deal with my talkative in charge, I have to face the director too.” I walked in the direction of the car and found it empty. I saw three men seated on the compound, talking to some of the staff. I sighed in relief when I saw that they were Insurance Service Marketers. I greeted them and walked on. One of them approached me but I told him I wasn’t interested in buying insurance. He employed all his marketing strategies to persuade me, but I stood by my earlier decision. Maybe if I didn’t have bad experiences with insurance companies, he would have succeeded in winning me over.

Another person on the insurance team decided to step in, “Hello I’m Selorm. I am the sales marketing manager in charge of this team. We came all the way from Accra to this place because of you. Don’t you think I deserve a minute of your time for all our effort?” Under normal circumstances, I would have ignored him. I even entertained the thought briefly but the moment we locked eyes I felt he was someone worth listening to. I gave him a chance. I gave him a minute but he took more than that. He is thick, tall, fair, and handsome. He looked like a man in his mid 30’s. I could smell his cologne. It was good. He smelled like something expensive—something that won’t lie. His gentle and calm disposition made it impossible for me to ignore him. After he spoke to me for a short while, I agreed to sign up for two policies.

In fact, I bought the policies because of him. I liked everything about him and that made it easier for him to convince me. He took my number and gave me his complimentary card. I didn’t call him that day, and he didn’t call me either.

The next day, I realized I’ve made a mistake. “How can I buy two insurance policies just like that?” I called one of the insurance service agents and asked him to cancel one of the policies. I was asked to meet them. When I went, Selorm was present. He greeted me with a charming smile and told me, “You look beautiful.” I felt my heart skip. It had been so long since I had a man pay me a compliment. I smiled at him and shyly said, “Thank you.”

After that meeting, he started chatting with me. He called and texted every day to check up on me. I fell in love with him before he even proposed. He proposed after a month of us talking, and going out on dates. I didn’t hesitate to say yes. I had a rule against dating married men so I asked him, “Do you have a wife?” He shook his head in the negative. “What about children?” He shook his head and said, “No. I’m very single.”

He told me his age. He was 38 years old. I didn’t understand why he was single at thirty-eight so I asked. “May I know why you are single at 38?” He told me the story of how his ex-girlfriend disappointed him. He said he put her through nursing training college. After she completed her training, they were about to marry when the girl cheated on him. “It’s been a year and a half now. I thought I will never fall in love again but I met you and everything changed.” I sympathized with him. I felt the pain his ex-girlfriend caused him because I’d been there before—love turning sour.

Finally, I had gotten the man I wanted, or so I thought. I was willing to give him all the love and affection he deserves.

We’d dated for two months and I didn’t know where he lived. He was the one who always visited me. He was in Accra, and I was in the Volta Region. Whenever I planned on visiting him, he beat me to it. He showed up at my end first. He gave me the excuses, “I have been transferred to Sunyani. I moved most of my things there, so I don’t have anything here in Adenta. You won’t even feel comfortable here. Don’t worry, when I finally move to Sunyani, you’ll be the first to visit.”

One day he called to inform me that he had finally moved to Sunyani. I was excited. “At long last, I get to visit my boyfriend and know where he lives,” I told myself. We made plans for the visit. Two weeks into our planning stage, he called to cancel all the plans we made. He said his father was sick and had been admitted to Ridge hospital so he was going to return to Accra.

When he got to Accra, he said he was staying with his elder sister and her husband at Mallam. Nothing changed between us. I loved and respected him so much that I believed everything he told me. I was only hoping things would be fine so I finally get to meet his sister. When he realized I was giving him too much pressure to meet his sister, he suggested we have a blood covenant if I doubted him. I declined. Five months into the relationship, I went on my annual leave. I spent the leave at my younger brother’s place in Accra. Selorm got to meet my brother. I introduced him to my sister and her husband. He met my friends. He, in turn, introduced me to some people he called his cousins and brothers.

Everything was fine until he wouldn’t even show me the gate of his sister’s house. He couldn’t introduce me to his sister during my stay in Accra. His excuse was; “My sister is a market woman. She is always busy. Take your time, you will meet her eventually.” He said it would be inappropriate to send me to his sister’s matrimonial home because we haven’t been introduced formally. “You have nothing to be afraid of Abena. Very soon, I will come and see your family and make our relationship official. Just exercise some patience” My heart believed him but my intuition told me to start digging into his life.

One Monday evening, I gathered courage and called Phillip, one of his subordinates. He was part of the team that signed me up for my insurance policy. I didn’t involve Philip from the beginning because I didn’t want to jeopardize the relationship between him and his boss. Again, I felt I will lose Selorm’s trust if he found out one day that I’d been asking questions about him from his subordinates. I was afraid to lose him but my instincts pushed me to talk to Philip.

When I called Philip, I asked him, “Is your boss married? Please be sincere with me?” He asked, why and I told him, “I am in a relationship with him so I want to know more about his life.” Philip was quiet for some time. He asked me, “Are you Selorm’s friend on Facebook?” I answered, “No. Selorm said he doesn’t have time for those things, so he doesn’t even have a Facebook account.” Philip gave me Selorm’s Facebook name and asked me to search for him. I quickly went to Facebook and lo and behold, he had an account. His last profile update was very recent. His relationship status was “Married since 2016.” There were no wedding or family pictures. I began to shake.

I called Phillip back and told him what I saw. He said “I had wanted to tell you but I was afraid to lose my job. My boss warned me not to say anything. I always felt bad for you every time we came to your place to eat when we were in your region. But who am I to advise my boss? He’s married with 2 children. I’m telling you this now because I don’t care anymore about what he would do. I have already requested to be transferred off his team.” I was broken. I couldn’t believe my ears. My heart was in pain. I was numb. I couldn’t even move. I cried all night, and I couldn’t sleep.

The only person I could talk to was my sister. She advised that I confront him in person. I acted normal and talked to him as if nothing had happened. I cried immediately after I got off the phone with him. He came to my end one Friday evening. I asked him about his wife, and he denied having a wife and children. He swore heaven and earth that it wasn’t true. I even asked of Brenda (that’s his wife’s name). He said, “That’s my ex. Have you forgotten the ex I told you about? Tat’s her name.” I called Phillip right in front of him and Philip repeated the same thing he told me earlier. Philip added that he lives at Adenta with his wife and children. This man still denied it. He said, “No problem, keep on digging and see if you will have any evidence in support of what he’s saying.” He got angry and left my place.

I called Phillip again, and he gave me directions to Selorm’s father-in-law’s house at Abor. “Go to Abor and make inquiries for yourself. That guy is a liar.”

Going to Abor was easy. It was close to Sogakope where I live. I set off the morning after the confrontation. I went with my friend. I found the house, and I saw Selorm’s car parked on the compound. I called him and asked where he was. He said, “I’m in Accra. I came back right after I left your place.”

We entered the house and met his wife’s mother. My friend and I greeted her and told her we were looking for Selorm. She said he was taking his bath. She offered us seats while we waited for him. My friend asked, “Is Selorm your son-in-law?” She answered, “Yeah he is. He’s married to my daughter. She left us after making sure we were comfortable.

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Selorm came from the bath to meet us sitting under the orange tree in the compound. You could see the shock on his face and the fear in his voice. He quickly went inside, dressed up, came back, and begged, “Please let’s move out of here. Let’s go somewhere we can talk.” I said, “No we are not moving an inch. I want your mother-in-law to know the kind of person you are.” The part of me that was angry wanted to act out and make a scene. But my rational self said, “There is no point in breaking up someone’s marriage. You’ve found out the truth. That’s all that matters. Just move on with your life.” My friend and I sat in his car and he drove us to a bus stop.

He finally admitted that he had a wife and children. He claimed he lied to me because he loves me and he was afraid to lose me. He said he comes from a polygamous home so he had wanted to make me his second wife. “I’m sorry you found out this way. I was waiting for the right time to tell you the truth.”

I slapped him and gave him my piece of mind. I warned him to stay away from me.

It’s been 5 days now. He came to my house once and I drove him away. He still calls but I don’t pick up. He sent me messages to tell me how sorry he is but I read without replying.

I am here all alone in pain. I am still trying to put my broken pieces together. How am I going to explain this to my family and friends? When I go on my knees I thank God for Philip who came through for me and save me from future disgrace. I am still here, trying to heal like I always do when love goes wrong.

—Abena

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