When I met Alfred and realized that we were falling in love, I decided to pull the breaks on everything. I didn’t pick his calls and I didn’t want to see him. He came around many times asking for me but I told those around that anytime he comes around, they should tell him I wasn’t there. He called every day. He tried to reach on Messenger and even on Instagram, but I didn’t respond to his messages. One day at the office, he came around asking why I was trying to avoid him. I lied, “Why would I avoid you? I had issues with my phone’s screen. It was not responsive until I got it repaired yesterday.”

He knew I was lying. He kept asking what the issue was. I told him there was no issue. We came back again, talking and seeing each other. Not long afterward, he proposed. I told him, “What I feared had come true.” He asked, “What did you fear?” I told him, “That someday we would get to this point where you’ll propose to me.” He said, “It had always been obvious that I like you and want to spend my time with you.” I said, “The truth is, anything we build now wouldn’t have a future. You know I’m a Muslim, right? Even if you want to, I don’t think your family would allow you to marry a Muslim.” He assured me, “My family wouldn’t tell me who to marry. Just trust me, everything would be fine.”

We hovered around his proposals for weeks. I needed more than assurance. I didn’t want to waste my time in a relationship that was built to fail. He kept promising me heaven and earth that everything would be fine. I met his mother. She didn’t do anything to indicate that she didn’t like me. I met his father too. He called me Amalia. He was funny and also didn’t give any indication that he didn’t like me. So, one day, when he least expected it, I told him I was ready to date him.

We started on a very good note. He came to my house freely and I went to him freely. He was living with his parents then so anytime I went around, I met them and exchanged pleasantries. They were always welcoming. A year into our relationship, I saw him getting closer to one girl—Mansa. Their attachment to each other was very obvious. She posted photos and tagged him. You go through his call logs and you see Mansa’s number plastered all over the place.

I asked him, “Who is that girl to you?” He said, “Oh she’s just a friend.” I asked, “So how come I didn’t know about her until recently?” He answered, “She was there. Just that we didn’t talk more often but recently, we’ve been doing some work together that’s why she had come to the fore.” He asked, “Are you getting jealous?” I said, “No, I’m getting worried.” He said, “You don’t have to. She’s just a friend.” I didn’t believe that completely but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

One day he told me, “We have to talk.”

I saw him in the evening. I asked him, “Yeah, I’m here. What is it that you wanted us to talk about?” He started, “Recently, my parents have been asking me questions about you. They are wondering where we are going with our relationship and asking questions.” I asked, “What questions? What do they want to know?” He answered, “They want to know if you’re ready to convert.” I asked, “Convert to what? I thought we had this conversation right from the beginning and you assured me that everything was going to be fine. Why now?” He said, “Yeah at that point my parents gave me the indications that they wouldn’t be bothered but now they seem worried but don’t worry, they are my parents. I will convince them.”

I asked him every day; “How is the convincing of your parents going?” He would tell me, “Just set your mind at ease. I’m on top of the issues.”

Three years into the relationship, he told me, “My parents want me to marry from my church. They even have someone in mind. Now the issue is off my hands. Please convert for me. I beg you. I love you so much but I don’t want to fight with my parents because of you. Please understand me.” I told him, “I’m not converting today and I’m not converting tomorrow. I told you right from the start and you promised everything would be fine. After three years you come and tell me to change? No that’s not fair.”

We argued about this for days. We fought about it on several occasions. I stopped visiting him and he stopped visiting me too. We were not even talking to each other like we used to. I felt he was not fighting his parents enough. I felt cheated but I was ready to fight till the end. It wasn’t long enough before the end came. He said, “I live in the house of my parents. I can’t disobey them and continue living in their house. If you say you won’t convert, I can’t force you but I don’t think this relationship will work. The earlier we let go the better.”

I felt the blow down my spine. All of a sudden, I couldn’t stand on my feet. I asked, “So love means nothing to you?” He said, “You mean a lot to me but my parents…” I cut him off; “You wasted my time. I knew this right from the start and I wanted to avoid it but you were so sure everything would be alright.” He said, “I tried dear. I did but it’s unfortunate I couldn’t go against the wind. I live in their house, remember.”

I got broken for days. I kept asking him to try harder. I called at dawn crying to him to help me. His mind was already made up. He said, “You and I know what we have to do be together but you’re not ready. What else can I do to help?” It hurts to the core but slowly I let go. I opened my heart up for healing to enter. Whatever heals you gives you pain from the beginning before the healing comes. Think about stitching and open wound. The stitches are painful but it’s what heals the wound in the end.

READ ALSO: Guys, What Will a Side Chick Do To Convince You to Leave The Main Chick?

A year or so later, I’d moved on with my life, thinking about what the future holds for me. He called, trying to laugh and pretend everything was fine. I played along. Then later, I realized he was trying to work his way into my heart again. He wanted to have me but without any commitment. You know the story of the old flames, right. He was trying to rekindle what was dead. I told him, “I’m over you. I’d moved on. Move on too.” He said, “But I miss you every day. I think we have some scores to settle.” I said, “There are no scores for us to settle. Just leave me alone.”

A few months later, He got married to Mansa. Yeah, that girl who was always in the picture. Then it dawned on me, “So it was this girl all along?” Well, life is like that. Things go wrong. We don’t have to be wrong.

Four years later, I bumped into his mom at the market. She said, “Eiii Amalia. You just vanished like that.” I said, “Oh Maa, I’d been around ooo.” She said, “And you did this to our son? He loved you.” I asked, “What did I do?” She said, “You left him in pain when your parents said they wouldn’t allow you to marry him.” We were in the middle of the market. I laughed and said, “Mom, this is a roadside. Let’s talk later.” She hugged me and we parted ways. When a man wants to leave, he’ll leave even when you’ve done nothing wrong. They’ll find a reason, by all means, to walk away.

–Khadija

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