Josh was a good man. It was his kind heart that drew me to him. We met at the hospital ward. My mom was sick. His friend was sick. We were the only ones in the ward when the nurse came to sack us. She said visiting hours were over. Josh pleaded for a minute. She said no. We were asked to leave and we did. When we got outside, we stood there for a while talking about how rude the nurse was and how we wouldn’t come to that particular hospital again no matter what because of that nurse.

The next morning we met again. We were there early. He saw me and he smiled. I smiled back. He came to where I was standing, next to my mom’s bed, and greeted my mom. He said a lot of encouraging stuff to my mom and even prayed for her. Her friend also joined the prayers. That day they discharged his friend but the next morning, he came back to the ward with gifts in his hands for my mom. He came again days later with his friend who was once at the hospital. I thought they were a couple. He said they were friends and I believed him.

Days later my mom was discharged and he came home upon my directions to say hi. He came with gifts but I saw him as a gift that kept giving. A couple of months later, he became my boyfriend. He was too good to a fault. He would call in the morning and ask me, “Is there anything I should do for you today that will make you happy?” If I said I needed the piece of the sun, he would come with a huge chunk of the sun and a piece of the moon as icing. I love his giving spirit but hated the fact that he couldn’t ask for help when he needed it.

Every rose has its thorns so Josh had his own thorns. It was uncomfortable. It kept pricking me whenever I needed a long embrace. His breath. It was that bad. That bad because he was always drinking. Beer, wine, vodka, akpetshie, talk about any strong alcohol and Josh knew how to drink it. He wasn’t a light drinker. He didn’t drink it occasionally. He drank heavily every day. He lost his first job in the mines because he was caught drunk. His girlfriend of four years left him when marriage was the ultimate plan. He stopped for a month and continued again.

When he met me he didn’t drink. It was only when we had dated for a couple of months that I saw traces of alcoholism in him. I didn’t think it was a serious thing until he appeared in front of my parents heavily drunk. His words were all over the place. He couldn’t stand still and he couldn’t sit still. My mom respected him a lot so I was embarrassed when my mom saw him that way. She asked me, “Has it always been like that?” I lied. I answered,  “No, never. Maybe he’s heard bad news. I’ll find out when he becomes sober.”

When he did, I spoke my heart out; “You’re a good man Josh. Alcohol has taken a lot from you already. Why don’t you take a little from it too? Stop drinking. Stop embarrassing yourself in front of people who hold you in high esteem. Stop before you lose the most important thing in your life, that’s yourself.”

He was quiet. He was listening to me. He nodded as I spoke to him. He promised me he’ll stop but he never did. He drank through our two years of dating. We broke up three times because of that and three times he came back promising to be a better man. You don’t leave a good man just because he has one thing you hate, right? He’s good in all things but fails in one thing. Will you let him go? I don’t know your answer but my answer was no. I knew I could help him change. I felt I could use the love he had for me as leverage to change him.

When he proposed marriage I told him, “Not until you stop drinking. I won’t be a wife to a man who drinks no matter how good the man is. I love you but I hate your drinking lifestyle. Stop it and I’ll wear your ring.” His answer was, “Marriage will be a new beginning for me. I won’t start a new day of my life with an old character. I will change, give me some time and see.”

I trusted him like I always did. We started counting the days. For three months, he got drunk only twice. It was a good sign. I was checking on him. I asked him to be honest. I saw the effort with my own eyes because I was with him every day. Josh went seven months without drinking. We celebrated it like a big thing because it was. Every month we went out to celebrate the milestone. “To forever without drinking.” We’ll lift our glasses and make a toast. I saw a new light in him. Without alcohol, he looked as clean as the morning dew. I complimented him a lot and he took it to heart.

We got married and right after our honeymoon, Josh picked up drinking again. He’ll drink as if he wanted to make up for all the months he didn’t drink. When I complained he got aggressive with me. One night he nearly hit me. I got scared. I started seeing my marriage as a mistake but I was counting on his good side to come through for us.

“Josh, When you drink, you push our future far away. You’re the head here. You’re the captain of this ship. Do you want us to sink? Do you want to drown this ship in the middle of the sea?”

Some days he’ll listen to me and go a day without drinking. He’ll pick it up again and tell me, “It’s not my fault. I can’t stop.”

I reported him to his pastor who was already aware because they’ve been praying about it since Josh was only a boy. I reported him to his parents. I spoke to his friend, the lady he visited at the hospital. I reported him to his parents. If there was someone Josh loved and respected, I reported him to them but he didn’t stop drinking. He met a therapist. He met a counselor. He came home after every therapy drunk.

One dawn, I was lying next to him and crying because he was getting worse. He saw me crying and asked what was the issue. I told him, “I think I have to leave you before you kill me this young. I can’t stand it. I’ve spoken to my parents. They say I should come home. I’m crying because I can’t leave you but I have to. I have no option.”

He lay there quietly looking at the ceiling. A few minutes later. I saw tears streaming down his eyes. “It’s the devil or I’m the devil. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to stop but it’s not easy.” I said, “We went seven months without drinking, remember? We can try it again. Just give me your mind. At least make an effort. Don’t lose all the good things in life because of this one evil.”

He started another journey to stop. He would drink once in a while but it was OK. I bought him a water bottle. It was one of the things he learned at therapy but didn’t do it. Whenever he felt like drinking, he drank the water in the water bottle. He was making progress. The downside was that he got angry very easily. Without alcohol, he fought me over little things. Each time I fought back, he used it as a reason to drink. He’ll hide and drink. He’ll lie about a weekend trip so he’ll stay away and get drunk. I got tired so I stopped talking about it.

READ ALSO: In Sickness And In Health, I Am His.

When he came home drunk, I pretended I haven’t noticed. I’ll give him food. I’ll serve his bathing water. I’ll lead him to bed. Anytime he started a fight, I left the scene so he could fight the chairs and photo frames on the wall. I gave up on him. I was too tired to complain. I was too weak to fight back. I said in my head, “Drink all you can. When you die, we’ll bury you.”

He came to the ward drunk when we had our first child. He was drunk at the naming ceremony of our second child. He threw our third child up but nearly missed while trying to catch her. I pleaded with him to stop playing with the children that way.

What Would You Do If I Died Today? | Beads Media


I don’t know what triggered the final decision. One day, I tried remembering the last time I saw him drunk and  I couldn’t recall. It had been two years since he got drunk. I used eight years of our marriage life fighting him, trying to change him, threatening to walk away. it was when I stopped talking about it that he stopped drinking. Eight years is no joke but Josh was a good man who had only a fault. I couldn’t leave because of that one fault.

Here we are now, enjoying what’s left before us because we both fought the demon and won. We got beaten. We were floored at some point. We got bloody eyes but we kept our heads up, fighting not to allow our demon to win. Maybe you can change a man who wants change for himself but it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lot of fighting, talking, walking away, and coming back to win but it’s worth it. In the end, the juice is worth the squeeze.

—Mrs. Agyeiku

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

*******