I have found myself in a very complicated relationship. I didn’t know what I had gotten myself into until it was too late. I met a man who showed me a lot of love. We’ve been in a relationship for some months now, and I just found out how little I know about him.

Before I met him, I was dating a Muslim. I’m a Christian. My Muslim boyfriend barely visited me at home, and when he did, he’d spend about five minutes, and then drive away. He never came out of his car. When I asked him to, he would say he was tired and he needed to go home and rest. I was the only one making the efforts in the relationship. He lives very far for me, yet I went out of my way to visit him when he asked me to. I was so in love with him that I didn’t care how much it cost me to go see him. When I asked him to meet me halfway, that he could also visit and come out of his car and stay with me for more than five minutes, he got angry. He said I wasn’t appreciative of his efforts. It didn’t make sense to me that he drove a jeep, yet I had to go through so much stress if I wanted to spend time with him.

Five months into the relationship, a driver who usually took me to his place told me that our relationship wasn’t going to work out. When I asked why he pointed out that our differences in religion would cause a problem. He told me, “The only way your boyfriend’s family would let you marry him is if you converted to Islam.”  I was in love, so I wasn’t deterred. A week after the conversation with the driver, I decided to have a talk with my man. I was very polite about it, “Is something wrong? Your behavior has been different lately. There is no romance in the relationship anymore. Even when we make love, it doesn’t feel anything like lovemaking. It feels like two people doing a chore. What is the problem?”

He didn’t say anything or attempt to answer my questions. I had just spoken to myself, it seemed. At that point, I knew things weren’t going to work out. We had stopped hugging. We couldn’t hold a meaningful conversation. All we did was argue, or he just ignored me when I tried to talk. I never offended him. I never took anything from him. I always called or texted first. There was a day I decided not to call, to see if he would notice and call me. He didn’t. So I called him at 9:00pm, my bedtime. “Why didn’t you call when you didn’t hear from me? Don’t you care about me at all?” I asked. He responded angrily, “You have four numbers. Which one did you expect me to call you on?” I knew he was just looking for a reason to justify his actions. Because I gave him the number he could always reach me on.

He went on to say a lot of hurtful things to me. It was so obvious then, that he didn’t care about me, the way I cared about him. I asked him the one question I had been wanting to ask, “Why am I the only person in this relationship? Am I dating myself?” The question made him angrier. I didn’t care anymore. I was done. How could I continue to stay with someone who spent so much time talking on his phone every time I was with him? Sometimes he answered his calls outside. Occasionally, I’d hear a woman’s voice on the other end of the call, and he’d tell me it’s a business call.   He got mad at me for questioning him but I was beyond care. I had made up my mind to end the relationship. That night after our phone call, I sent him a long text message. I told him the relationship was draining, and I was sick of it. I couldn’t take it anymore.

Later the same year, I met the man who swept me off my feet. He was a breath of fresh air as compared to the relationship I had just come out of. He did everything right. It felt like we were meant to be. We met at J’FAMCO. He spoke to me, and I knew I was going to fall in love with him. He took my number and called me right after we met. I didn’t want to seem too eager. It took me three days to finally answer his calls. It was good vibes throughout our conversations. It felt like we’d known each other for long. He was the kind of man I wanted to be with. Good vibes, intelligence, mannerism, and so much maturity.

By the next week, we were both in love with each other. I love him dearly but I wanted to be sure he wasn’t married before I took things any further. On our first date, I asked if he was married. He swore he was single. He said he had a child, but he was a single parent. It was difficult for me to believe he wasn’t married. He carried himself around like a married man. I told myself that I was just being paranoid. I was in love, and so I was so blind I didn’t even a single check on him, not even a simple online check.

One fateful Monday morning, I woke up from a restless sleep. He was the first person on my mind. Something didn’t sit right with me. There were questions in my soul. I needed answers. I took my phone and typed his name into the Google search bar. The things I found about him rendered me speechless and heartbroken. He is married to a very beautiful woman and they have four children. I broke down in tears. I tried not to question him about it, but the harder I tried, the more I felt pain in my heart. I gathered courage and asked him, “Why did you lie to me? You swore you weren’t married.”

READ ALSO: My Friend’s Wedding Is A Few Weeks Away But I Want Her To Call It Off

He held my hands in his and said, “It’s because I love you. You wouldn’t have agreed to be with me if I told you the truth. I knew at some point you would find the truth somehow. I planned to tell you when the time was right.” I love him so much. It’s the reason his deception hit the core for me. But he takes good care of me. He makes me feel like a woman loved in a special way. No one has made me feel this way in the past two years. I know he loves me, even though he is married. The single man I had in my life didn’t care about me. He left me alone in the relationship until I decided to let go. I met another man who makes me feel not alone in the relationship. Yet, he’s married to someone else.

Life and the lemons it throws at us. They say make lemonade but this lemon I have here has no juice.

The guilt of dating a married man keeps me up at night. My conscience is breaking me apart. I really love him and would love to keep him for myself. He hasn’t explained his whole family situation to me. Why does he want me in his life when he has a family? Why he denied having a family right from the beginning. Whether or not his wife is giving him problems. He hasn’t said anything to that effect. All he does is love me the way a woman wants to be loved and makes me confused as to why I’m sticking with him.

Please I need to know. Should I leave this relationship even when I am in love? Should I wait to see if he’ll explain things to me? I mean why I’m in his life when he has a family. Being entangled in such a situation isn’t helping me at all. I always feel there’s some danger ahead. Please, I need your advice on this.

—Cee

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG