I met him at a point where I thought love wasn’t a thing for me. A mutual friend connected us, and we started on the right foot. The first time we planned to meet, he was supposed to come to my neighbourhood but he said he was having problems with his license so it would be a challenge for him to drive to my end. I didn’t want it to seem like he was the only one putting in effort so I told him, “What if I come to your neighbourhood instead? Will that be okay with you?” he said yes, and we fixed a date. I loved every bit of our meeting. The chemistry between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife. We didn’t even want to leave each other’s company at the end of the night. When I finally got home, he sent me a text, “I think we should give this thing growing between us a chance. Let’s start a relationship.” I replied, “I agree with you. Let’s do this.” And that’s how we started.

A few months into the relationship, he started talking about having a baby. I felt it was too soon so I told him, “Let’s not rush things. Allow things to take their natural course.” He didn’t mind me. He found a way to bring up the topic of a baby in every conversation we had. “AG, I am thirty-five and I need a child,” he would say. Other times he would ask, “Are you even sure you are fertile? I don’t want us to get married, only to find out you have issues with childbirth.” I didn’t have answers to his questions so I mostly told him to leave it to God.

As time went on, he kept asking me a particular question, “Why is it that two people in love can’t be free to express themselves without someone trying so hard to tear them apart?” Eventually, I asked him why he kept asking me that question. That was when he said, “I told my mother about you, and she wasn’t pleased.” “Kwaku, your mother hasn’t met me yet but she doesn’t like me?” he nodded in agreement. I didn’t want to make him feel worse than he did, so I said; “Let’s hope that her feelings toward me will change when she gets to see me.”

Kwaku is the eldest of three children, and all of them live with their mother. I realized that might be a problem in case his mother met me and still didn’t like me. I expressed my concerns to him and advised him to get his own place. His response was, “I will get my own place when I get married.” It’s his money so I didn’t push him. However, when he wanted us to spend some intimate time together, he suggested that we go to a hotel. I told him no. He explained that he couldn’t take me home because of his mother. I still said I wouldn’t go to a hotel. So he suggested, “Since I can’t come to your place because you live with your family, why don’t I rent an apartment for you? It will give me the opportunity to get away from my mother once in a while.” It seemed like a good idea so I agreed to it.

I found a nice place, but he never gave me the money to secure the place, and I also couldn’t afford it. So finally, I agreed to meet him at a hotel in his neighbourhood. We had our first shuperu there, and it was a disaster. He told me he had been celibate for over a decade, but he was doing the thing as if it was his first time. He didn’t know his left from his right. It was devastating but I told myself it would improve with time. We spent the night together, and his mother called him throughout the night. She wasn’t happy that he was spending the night out, but Kwaku told me not to worry about her.

Our relationship was progressing well until one day he came to my house with his mom and sister. The woman looked angry, and she sounded angry too. She told my family, “Keep your daughter away from my son. I don’t like what is going on between her and my son.” I expected Kwaku to be a man and defend our love, but he stood behind his mother like a scared little boy. He couldn’t look me in the eye, let alone utter a word. I was so angry but I kept my anger on a leash until they left.

After they left, I thought through things and decided it was best I call off the relationship. But Kwaku wouldn’t let me breathe. He kept coming around telling me, “Don’t pay attention to my mother. At the end of the day, I am not going to marry her. So whatever she says doesn’t matter.” I still loved him so I gave him another chance.

Two months later I started feeling unwell. When I complained to him, he said, “You are probably pregnant.” I shook my head, “No, that’s highly unlikely. I am on the pill.” But he still insisted that I take the pregnancy test. I took the test and it proved him right. His joy knew no bounds that day, while I was scared and uncertain about the future. Most importantly, I was concerned about his mother. And I was right to be because when she found out it rained fire and brimstone.

Our families met and Kwaku’s mother requested for another pregnancy test, and a scan at a hospital of her choice to confirm if I was indeed pregnant. So we scheduled for it the next day. My mum followed me to the hospital, and so did his mother and his sister. After the confirmation, she said she would talk to her people and we would arrange for another meeting but it never happened. My family requested their presence but they did not honour the invitation.

As custom demands, he was supposed to meet my family and pay for some rites, because he got me pregnant out of wedlock. He gave us a date and time but when that day came, he stood us up and later gave us flimsy excuses. It was a big disrespect to my family and he later pleaded that we should reschedule. He picked a date and time again, but he stood us up again. when I tried to address it he got defensive, and it turned into an argument. So I decided to keep quiet about it till the baby arrives. My family also decided to do the same thing.

The first trimester wasn’t easy for me at all. I had to stop working and stay at home due to severe morning sickness and nausea. And Kwaku gave me allowances every month for my upkeep and antenatal care.

Later my family had to move to another region to be in the family house because things weren’t all that rosy for us and our rent had to be paid. When they moved, Kwaku offered to rent an apartment for me near our family house, so that I would have my own space and still be close to my family. My mum helped me to get a place, and he paid six months’ advance. He said, “By the time it expires you would have had the baby and we would have gotten married and moved in together.”

Along the line, I noticed that whenever he visited me for the weekend, he wouldn’t eat any food I had already prepared. And if he left his clothes at my end, he wouldn’t touch them again. I found his behaviour strange but I didn’t talk.

One day we had a misunderstanding and he told me he would no longer talk to me. Initially, I thought he was joking but he managed to go for two weeks without contacting me. After that, he stopped sending me allowances for my upkeep and antenatal. I had to practically beg him till my throat was dry before he sent me money for my care.

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He asked me about a month ago if I have tried to harm him both physically and spiritually before. He said he didn’t trust me. I asked him, “If you don’t trust me then why did you get me pregnant?” And he reminded me of a night we were together. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the washroom when I saw that an insect was trying to get into his nostrils. So I tapped him and told him about it, and he killed it and went back to sleep. Now he is asking me how I noticed that an insect was entering his nostrils that night. He said it was strange so I should tell him the truth. I don’t know what has gotten into him, or what exactly he is accusing me of. He doesn’t believe anything I tell him.

I’m currently 7 months pregnant and he has abandoned me. He blocked me and blocked the numbers of my family members. So I also blocked him. I’ve had enough. I regret ever meeting him but I don’t regret my decision to keep this baby.

The problem is, things are difficult for me. Sometimes what to eat is even a problem because I was the breadwinner of my family before the pregnancy made it difficult for me to work. To add to my troubles, I have been seeing blood when I urinate. I don’t know if that’s normal in pregnancy. I have also not been able to buy anything in preparation for the baby. So I am here asking if anyone has baby items they want to give out. Anything at all that you can spare will go a long way to help make things easier for me. If I come out of this alive, I will accept all the blame for ignoring the red flags, and hold on tightly to my baby.

—AG

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