When I met her she was already in a relationship. I didn’t know this earlier. I thought she was single when I started getting to know her. I found her attractive right from the beginning. This made it easier for me to develop feelings for her when we became friends.

I am not one to swallow my feelings when I see a woman I want to build my life. She was no exception. I was direct about how I felt for her. “I want you to be my girlfriend,” I proposed. By then I had also seen signs that she liked me. I believe that’s why I expected her to say yes to me, almost immediately.

That wasn’t what she said though. She didn’t also tell me no. “I also like you. I wish you could be my boyfriend,” came her response. The question on my mind was, “Well, then what’s stopping you now?” Before I got the chance to ask, she added, “I wish I could be your girlfriend but I already have a man.” My face fell when I heard this.

I couldn’t believe that I came close to being with the woman of my dreams only to find another man in the spot I aspired to be in. Nonetheless, she gave me hope before I could completely do away with the notion of being with her.

She explained the nature of her relationship with her boyfriend to me. “Presently, things are not going too well between us. We have to call it quits but nobody has done it yet. But now that you are in the picture, I will end things with him. Give me two months to do what needs to be done. Then I can be yours.” What is a two-month waiting period when the heart wants what it wants? So I agreed to wait.

In less than two months, she came to tell me she was ready for me. I was over the moon. My happiness even heightened when we fell in place like two pieces of a puzzle. She was the yin to my yang. We were in perfect sync.

We have been together now for two years. So much has happened in this period that I did not expect. It started with visits to other men. Whenever she goes to visit a man and I express concern she would tell me, “You have nothing to worry about. He is just a friend.”

I let her understand that I was uncomfortable with the kind of friendships that required her to visit other men but she turned a deaf ear to my complaints. I had to decide between walking away or choosing to trust her. I wasn’t ready for the former so I chose to trust her.

Four months ago, my girl brought a new guy into the relationship. She introduced him as a friend but his presence has caused nothing but problems between us.

Rumour has it she is dating him. I have asked her about it several times and she denied it every single time. “He is nothing to me, trust me. We are just friends.” That’s what she says but people are talking. I hear whispers on the streets. Sometimes I even feel people point at me when I walk by. That’s how badly these rumours are affecting me.

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People who have seen her in compromising positions are so sure they are a couple. I haven’t been able to verify any of the things I have heard. And she continues to deny the stories. So I don’t even know what to believe. I have spent so much time thinking and overthinking to the point where I am emotionally and psychologically drained.

Our relationship is currently hanging on by a thread but she keeps doing things to worsen the situation. Sex was part of our relationship but all of a sudden she wants to please God. So we don’t get intimate anymore. It’s a decision she made without first having a conversation with me about it.

I Saw The Red Flags But I Ignored Them Until I Paid The Price

When I asked what changed she said, “If you truly love me you won’t want me to sin. You will understand my choice and wait for us to get married before we start doing it again.” I asked her, “What about my needs?” She encouraged me to go out and get some from other women.

What I don’t understand is how she expects me to meet her needs in the relationship while other women outside the relationship meet mine. Is it fair? Why would a woman treat a man she claims to love this way? The more I think about her behaviour the more I ask myself what I am still doing in the relationship.

—George

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