I knew her friends right before the start of our relationship. I saw them often. Every evening before the Imamam screams for Muslim evening prayers, the three of them will walk by carrying loads they had bought from town. The day I called her in front of my house, she was walking with one of the squad. She didn’t seem enthused that I called Lucy and left her out. When we talked longer than expected, she gave Lucy a look that said, “Leave that goat and let’s go.” I didn’t mind because there was no way I was going to meet Lucy alone and talk to her. 

I got her number that day so it became easier to talk to her. I called in the morning, texted in the afternoon, called in the evening and texted late in the night before she slept. She was respectful when we spoke. She didn’t do anything that suggested she didn’t like talking to me so I kept calling and texting until one day, she came to see me all alone. That was the first time I saw her without her two friends. I proposed to her that day and she told me she needed time and space to think about it. 

Two days later, I didn’t get an answer. Days rolled into a week yet she said nothing apart from, “Give me more time.” I could imagine her seeking the consent of her friends before saying yes to me. “Maybe she doesn’t know how to tell her friends about me hence the delay,” I told myself. “I’ll get her friends involved and see how it goes.”

So whenever I called, I asked to talk to her friends and she gave the phone to them. Gifty asked me, “I learned you want to take our sister from us. We don’t want a man who’ll give her troubles ooo.” I heard the other one, Asantewaa, saying in the background, “We don’t want any more Heartbreakers, tell him.” I figured I needed to convince her friends before I could get a yes from Lucy so I did. Slowly, I was accepted into the pack and I became one of them. Lucy became my girlfriend and the rest of the two became friends. 

They are not friends that go out there to do bad things. They’ve known each other since childhood and are determined to keep the friendship going for eternity. The BFF kind of way. On weekends, they love to hang out. When I became friends with them, I attended some of their outings and got the deeper meaning of their friendship. They are whole whenever they are together. They don’t need an external person to make them happy, they are enough for each other. Even when they fight, they always find their way back together.

At some point, I needed Lucy more. I needed her to give me priority over her friends. I needed her to spend time alone with me than be with the pack. I discuss it with her and she didn’t have a problem with it. She said, “They understand your presence in my life and they respect that.”

Slowly, I was weaning her away from the pack but what I realized was, the more we spent time together, the more we got closer to a fight and each time we fought, her friends got to know about it. When it was her fault, they called to apologize on her behalf. When it was my fault, they called to tell me to stop being silly. It wasn’t that bad, they became the outlet through which we got our differences resolved. They served a purpose until I started picking hints that it wasn’t only our bad days that they knew. They knew about our good days too.

We were out one evening, the four of us, when I told them that I was leaving with Lucy. They protested; “Why leave now? The night is still young.” Lucy answered, “We need to sleep early. Tomorrow morning we have an event to attend.” Asantewaa answered, “Yooo we hear. Go. Don’t come and tell us tomorrow how he didn’t let you sleep.” She was giving her an eye but the place was too dark to see someone wink at you. Gifty added, “As if she’s not coming to cry to us tomorrow. Go. We’ll boil water for you when you come back.” They burst out laughing while I held Lucy’s hand and pulled her away. 

We were silent in the taxi until we got home. I asked what they were talking about, “It means you talk to them about our sex life?” She answered, “Don’t mind them. They were just being silly.” “I mind,” I responded. “I mind if you’re telling them about our sex life. There should be a limit to how far you girls go. They should be boundaries. You can’t tell them everything that happens between us.” She screamed at me, “I just told you that I don’t tell them anything. What don’t you understand?” 

I didn’t want us to have a fight and waste the night so I left it at that. The next morning, Asantewaa called. I overheard her saying on the phone; “Should we get the warm water ready?” I pretended I didn’t hear. I walked away from there before I could hear more and get angry. 

I thought she’ll grow out of the girls-girls things as the relationship age but we’ve dated for over a year and she’s still attached to them. A lot has changed over the year. Asantewaa has a boyfriend now, Andy, and Gifty also has James. They should be busy with their boyfriends but no, these girls always find a way to carry their men along with them and somehow, the three of us have also become friends. Yes, we don’t talk outside a meeting but when the six of us meet, we do enough as boys-boys. When we leave, it ends there. 

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Recently, I was coming from church in the evening when I called Lucy to ask where she was. She told me she was with the squad so I decided to pass by and take her home. Again, they didn’t like that I was taking her away. Asantewaa said something like, “Is it not sex you two are going to have? Why don’t you wait until we all leave together?” Gifty added, “Leave them alone. If Andy had his size, you would be eager to be with him every day too.” 

As if that wasn’t enough, Asantewaa replied, “Yeah, it’s true. I’ll have to send Andy to you so you teach him how to grow his thing bigger like yours. I’m tired of that okro already.” 

They were both laughing. Clearly, they’ve had a lot to drink. Lucy was pulling me away. “Asantewaa screamed, “Champion!!” Gifty added, “Eish wo kuta load!” 

I felt very embarrassed. They thought they were joking but I felt they were teasing me. They were teasing us than joking with us. “So you meet to discuss sizes? I asked Lucy. She answered, “They are drunk, didn’t you see it?” 

People lie until they drink something. From that point on, they say only what’s true. “How did they know my size to be able to joke with it if you didn’t discuss it? The way they are talking about it, I’ll believe they’ve seen it. How can you go that far?” Her defence was, “We are friends. We talk about everything.” 

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I love Lucy. Without her friends, she’s a thoughtful woman. She loves to give and loves to help. I’ve never dated a woman who spends on her guy until Lucy came along. She is the first woman to organize a party for me on my birthday. She’s forward-thinking until her friends come in. I’m not saying her friends are bad people. They are good people too but I don’t like the kind of influence they wield on her. I hate the fact that they talk about everything including the sizes of their men’s joystick. It embarrasses me and I want to find a way to pull her away from the squad. What do I do? 

I want a calm way to draw her away from them. They also have relationships going on. They should spend time nurturing their relationship instead of comparing sizes. How do I go about it? How do I pull her away so I can have her all to myself?

–Sasa

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