Our story began with a Facebook friend request. The day I accepted the friend request, he introduced himself in my inbox; “Hi I’m Kwame. I hope to be your friend. WhatsApp me on this number (leaves his number) if you wish to get to know me beyond Facebook.” I liked how direct he was so I decided to WhatsApp him.

We had an instant connection. Our vibe was so effortless it felt as if we’ve known each other for a very long time. We talked for about a month before deciding to go on a date. Even though it was our first time meeting each other, there was no awkwardness or uncomfortable moment. It was all pleasant and positive energy. At the end of the date, he kissed me. I wasn’t expecting it and we hadn’t had a conversation about it so I asked him why he did it. He said, “I’ve been wanting to do it all night and I just couldn’t help it.” I guess that was the beginning of us. I don’t remember him proposing and me saying yes. We just became a couple based on good vibes.

Everything was so perfect. I told myself, “After so many disappointments I think I’ve finally found the one.” I introduced him to the people in my inner circle. My mum too. He’ll come to my place almost every day after work. We’ll hang around and talk. We just couldn’t have enough of each other’s company. You know how it is in the early stages of love. You always want to be together. It was like that for us until things started changing. The relationship was just six months old but the change was so glaring even the blind could see.

This is how it started. I found a message on his phone from a lady. The message was suspicious so I confronted him about it and he got defensive. He said there was no such message on his phone and doesn’t remember any lady sending him such a message. I knew what I saw so I insisted he should give me his phone so I show him the message I saw. It turned into an exchange of words. No matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t give me the phone so I let it slide.

From that day he changed towards me. He won’t talk to me like he used to. He acted distant and also became very sneaky. I put up with it for a while hoping he would change but it only got worse. I could no longer ignore it so I confronted him again and he said “You are accusing me of something I haven’t done. I know you don’t trust me and you are always suspicious of me because of your past. That also bothers me and I don’t know how long I can put up with it.” I asked him, “What exactly are you doing that makes you think I’m being suspicious of you?”

He didn’t answer my question. I expected a change of behavior after the conversation but nothing happened. If anything at all, he only got worse. He started missing my late-night calls. There were times I’d call and it would be on call waiting but he wouldn’t return my call afterward. He would put his phone on flight mode whenever he came around to visit. And on days his phone wasn’t on flight mode, he chose not to answer certain phone calls. I knew asking him about it would only lead to another fight but I asked him anyway.

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He started acting distant again. When I complained, he said he was busy with work. I told him, “Just try and find a balance between work and me. This is the same work you have been doing since we met. I don’t think anything has changed with your work.” He promised to change.

Mind you, I’m not dependent on him in any way. I have a job so I’m capable of fending for myself. I’ve never asked him for a penny before. I try to settle the bills sometimes when we go out. All I want from him is quality time and attention yet I see less and less of him.

He calls me a nagger. He said, “When you complain about my behavior it messes up my mind and distracts me from enjoying your company.” So, in order to make my company bearable for him, I decided I wasn’t going to draw his attention to anything again. I will just let him do whatever he wants but that has only encouraged him to be the man I didn’t fall in love with.

What he is doing is not new to me. I saw it in the men I dated before him. It didn’t end well with them so definitely, it’s not going to end well with us too. To save myself from further stress, I sat him down one day and said, “If you’re no longer interested in this relationship, just tell me and I will understand. You don’t have to go in circles with me.”  He responded, “I may not act like it but deep down I want this to work. Let’s take things one day at a time.”

We are taking things a day at a time but we hardly see each other and we hardly talk on the phone. Everything is different from the way we used to be. He reached out to me one day and he said, “I think I need some space. Just give me a little space to think things over.”

“Space for what? To think what over?” I don’t have the answers.  When I pressed him he said, “I’m confused and need this space to fix myself.”

What does a girl do when her boyfriend asks for space? Wait for him to figure himself out or move on with her life? I want to know, has anyone given their partner space and they came back together stronger than they used to be? I’m hurt, disappointed, and confused right now. He keeps telling me he cares so much about me yet his actions speak of something different. I really want to know your mind on this. Is it likely he would come back stronger and love me better than he did?

–Cindy

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