I grew up in a broken home because of adultery. This is the reason I was determined not to allow the same thing to happen to me when I start a family. That’s why it was always important to me that I marry a God-fearing man. Isaac was an embodiment of that. He is from a staunch Christian home. He also serves as a minister in church. If you are looking for the definition of pious, he is the one. It was the first thing that made me consider his proposal.
I was still a student at the university when he asked me to marry him. Although I loved him, I wasn’t ready to take such a big step. I didn’t want to jump into marriage without first attaining financial independence. “I will marry you but not now,” I told him, “let me finish school and get a job before we start making plans.” He said I was worth the wait.
He waited for me right from 2016 until November 2023 when we finally got married. In 2021, we decided to start a business together, a shop. Isaac’s job sent him overseas at that time. Which made the shop my sole responsibility. I had a job and so did he. To manage things, we agreed to employ a young lady to work for us. I supervised her and reported the accounts to Isaac. This was how things worked until he came down last year for our wedding.
I put in a lot of work to run the shop from January to October of last year. This involved everything from stocking to balancing to supervising to bringing in additional capital. It was easy to do when I was single and he wasn’t here. However, after we got married I struggled to combine my already demanding job, wifely duties, and running the business. So I asked him to take full control over the shop’s supervision.
I must admit, the girl I hired is more beautiful and younger than I am. She has a nice body. My mother advised me against hiring beautiful and curvy girls but I always dismissed her. I tell her, “You don’t know Isaac like I do. He is not one of those men with weak morals who will risk everything we are building together just for a good time with someone who doesn’t mean anything to him.” This is what I also tell myself. Whenever I heard other women say they couldn’t trust their husbands, I couldn’t relate. I knew I could stick my neck out and say mine was trustworthy.
Ever since we got married, we have been trying to conceive. So far nothing has happened. Every time I get my period, my mother-in-law and my husband get disappointed. I am trying not to be too anxious about it because we haven’t been married for up to a year. However, I am under a lot of pressure from Isaac and his mum.
While I was drowning in stress, my husband started spending a lot of time at the shop. He would come home later than necessary. When I complained he said, “You can’t trust people completely with your business. That’s why I have been spending much time there.” It sounded reasonable at first but after a while, my doubts kicked in. I felt he was overdoing the supervision. One day I told him, “I don’t think it’s healthy how much time you spend with that girl at the shop.” “Why are you being insecure? All I am trying to do is protect our business,” he retorted.”
Three weeks ago, I wasn’t feeling well while I was at work. I had no choice but to go home early. Under normal circumstances, I would have gone to the shop first but something pushed me to head home straight. I got home and had the shock of my life.
My sweet and pious husband was in our matrimonial bed with our shop attendant. The doors were locked and they were playing loud music. Fortunately, or I should say, unfortunately, they forgot to close the windows. That was where I watched everything unfold. I was too numb to move a muscle or even make a sound. I just stood at the window like a ghost watching life go on without me.
When I finally got myself together, I unlocked the door and went inside. By then they were done. They didn’t know how much I saw. I didn’t tell them either. I just greeted them, sat on the bed for a while, and then left the house. My thoughts were all over the place. I didn’t know whether to crawl or run. I didn’t know if I should hold my breath till I drop dead or if I should scream my lungs out. I felt chills on my arms while sweat coated my forehead. My nerves were just as chaotic as my mind.
When I returned home my husband looked me in the face and said, “It’s not what you think. The girl came here to enlist my help in her search for another job.” Look at that! Even if you want to lie, must it be a dumb lie? How ridiculous!
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Since that day, my house has been silently unhappy. I don’t know how to handle this. I haven’t talked to anyone about it, but I’m burning inside. We’ve just been married for six months, so I’m not sure if a divorce would be wise or even possible.
I go about my business as if I am okay but slowly, I am fading away. I have trouble focusing at work. I don’t want to be mocked for not being able to sustain a marriage for even a year. But staying in the marriage is not helping me. I find it impossible to look at this man. I hate him so much that I wish he would simply vanish.
He Got Me Pregnant And Also Got His Ex Pregnant
He thinks that because he apologized, I should just forget about it and move on as if nothing has happened. In other words, he is making me feel like a bad person for not letting this go. This same adultery that shattered my family when I was young has become the very thing tearing my new family apart. I think about leaving and it makes me feel like a failure. But when I think about staying, my heart becomes too heavy for me to bear.
What is one supposed to do under such circumstances? Is it wrong to fully commit, trust, and love someone? I am twenty-seven. Am I not too young for all this stress?
— Ssanga
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People think good Christians make good husbands. That is a big lie. Sorry to say, but your husband is not a good man. Maybe God was trying to protect you by not giving you kids yet. He knows you can leave now and he’s so unreliable, what happens when you are stuck with kids? Consider this a blessing from God. Many women go through life without ever realizing how horrible the men they married are. If I were you, I will leave. I know it’s very difficult, but trust me, better now than never.
Madam, if you do not stay to fight the demons that destroyed your home and defeat them, your children will also come and fight the same demons. It takes only one person to break a generational habit or pattern. Do not fail where your parents failed. Do not let the pattern of adultery that destroyed your parents home destroyed yours. Fight for your generation .
Hmmm
Cast all your burden unto Jesus for he cares for you. That’s all you need to do.Dont force yourself to forgive let it happen genuinely. Separate for sometime and think things over. Go for a short vacation. A relationship that doesn’t include Jesus is bound to fail.
I hope the shop girl is sacked already, u alone know if his apology is genuine or not,I wish you can stay,forgive him and pray about it. God alone can keep your home. Don’t be too trusting next time.
Sam walker. I agree 👍🏽 with you. I’m married for 21 years now and the same thing happened to me a years ago with my wife, but she didn’t say she w’ll be leaving me because she saw me with another lady, she fought for her marriage and now we’re leaving a happy marriage. Even sometimes i’m regretting for the past and asking her to forgive me.
Just pray one day everything will change.
Forgive him now and it is most likely going to happen again. 27 year and having no child with him is a good reason to leave him and pray for a better husband. Next time do well to remember that being busy in church activities does not make one a good and God fearing Christian. Such ones turn to use that to disguise their immorality. You have a scriptural reason to divorce him, do it. If it was you he will definitely not have forgiven you.
My dear , if u want to live long and in peace i supposed u know what to do rather than staying in that marriage , cause i dont think he is going to change and even if u stay and fight for your marriage he is going to do it again becos he has fullly regreted what he did and hasnt seen anything wrong with it. Choose your sanity and peace over someone who doesnt love u like u do for him and am sure u will find a guy who will love u like u do and forget about that your marriage. A word to a wise is enough
The very essence of humanity is the capacity to make choices. That is what separates us from animals who are also God’s creations. To attribute wrong choices to some generational curse is to reduce us to the status of animals whose behavior is purely based on instinct. A man with his eyes wide open opens his zipper wide and sleeps with his wife’s employee and we blame it on her and her family? Come on, get real!
I hope the shop girl has been sacked. U alone know if his apologies are genuine or not. I wish you can stay, forgive him and pray to God about the situation. God alone can keep your home. Don’t be too trusting next time.
Go for therapy. Talk to a professional counsellor. It’ll help you get the pain off your chest.
27yrs and without a child. This is the perfect opportunity for you to leave. If the genders were reversed that man wouldn’t think twice. It’s not as if he’s remorseful. Forgive him once and he’ll never stop doing it.
Adultery is the only acceptable reason for divorce according to the Bible.
While men take this reason serious, women will rather stay and languish in pain.
There’s no generational curse in your family. It’s just bad men that keeps making thing difficult.
Separate for now and divorce later. If you are scared of divorce, you won’t get a good marriage.
You’d be shocked to find out how common this is….it will haunt you,tear you into pieces multiple times and make you skeptical of the least thing…there is no sure way to go about this…some divorce and they thrive others stay and it never happens again.which ever road you choose to take is tough.do not be bullied into feeling guilty…God is not wicked for letting it happen to you(I have thought this thought severally)….we love you and are sorry you had to go through this.
How I hate it when some people turn to blame curses and what not when clearly a fully grown adult man desecrates his matrimonial bed and home with no respect and regard to his wife and marriage. We hear stay in fight don’t allow the devil to destroy your home nonsense who is the devil it’s me and you. The devil here is your husband choose your sanity love your self enough to know when to know someone is toxic. God knows why you ain’t pregnant after marriage. 27 years you are young please you are a different person from your parents don’t live in their shadow.
If only we could understand God’s plans for us. Now do you know why God hasn’t allowed you to be pregnant yet? Your husband hasn’t been a good person. He was just covering up with church duties. Cheating on 6 months into marriage means it’s going to happen over and over again my Sis. The only thing that allows for a divorce is adultery if you so wish and looking at the situation, I would tell you to forgive him and leave him. Also, start praying seriously into it and it won’t happen to you again. I wish I could talk to you in person. God be with you.