I met him at a seminar. It was a seminar for people who had the desire to start a business of their own. He was one of the speakers of the events and throughout his presentation he had his eyes fixed on me. He asked a question and though I didn’t raise my hand, he pointed at me and said, “Yes you. Say something. You haven’t said anything at all since we started.” When I started talking, he asked my name and I said “Solace.” He kept calling my name anytime he had a question to ask.

When we went on a lunch break, he walked to me. He asked, “So what business do you intend to start after this program?” I said, “I don’t have anything in mind currently. I came because I thought I could learn a thing or two for the future.” He asked, “So have you learned anything at all?” I said, “A lot. I’ve learned a lot I can use to start something if I want to.” He said, “Call me when something comes to mind that you want to start. If it’s a good thing, I’ll invest in it.”

After the program, I didn’t hear from him again though he also took my number. One day I saw a flyer on Facebook that had his image on it so I called him, “I just saw your photo on a flyer. You’re doing the seminar again?” He said, “No, this one is different. You can come if you want to. I have a ticket for you.” So, I attended that program too and I watched him speak for the second time, and this time I realized how intelligent he was. After the program, we talked. He said, “I didn’t hear from you again.” I answered, “That’s because I haven’t started anything that you can invest in.” We laughed. He said, “Until you start something for me to invest in, we can start being friends.”

That day he drove me home. He said, “I know where you live now. I will come and visit very often.” I said, “You’re always welcome.”

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He left and I didn’t hear from him again until a couple of weeks later when I called him. He was so happy to hear from me and I was very happy too. He said, “This Saturday, I’m free. Can we meet?” I said, “Sure. Why not?” That Saturday, I wore my best dress and wore my favorite shoes and met him at the hotel he asked me to meet him. He said I was looking beautiful as always and I said thank you. We had a beautiful lunch together and again, he drove me to my house afterward. That night he called to say thank you. I asked, “Thank you for what?” He said, “Thank you for letting me see you.” I said, “It’s my pleasure to have met you again.”

He asked, “If I want to meet you again tomorrow, would your boyfriend allow you to honor such an invite?” I said, “I don’t have a boyfriend so invite me and I will come.” He said, “As pretty as you are you don’t have a boyfriend?” I said, “I had one until he broke up with me recently. Now, I’m alone.” So, we met on Sunday too and after eating and talking for a long time he asked, “So that your boyfriend who left you, what did you do to him? For a man to leave someone as beautiful as you, then you did something terrible.”

I said, “We dated for three years. He cheated twice and I forgave him twice because I wanted the relationship to work. The night before he left me, I spent the night with him and when he was asleep, I went through his phone to check if he had been a good boy. He woke up and saw his phone in my hands and got angry. He said I’ve gone through his phone because I didn’t trust him. He said there was no need for us to be together if I didn’t trust him. The next morning, he told me he had moved on so I should also move on. That was it.” He asked, “Just like that?” I said, “Just like that.” He said, “That’s pathetic.”

When he took me home that night, he said something that sounded like he wanted us to be in a relationship. I said something that sounded like if he wanted a relationship, I would say yes to him. We kissed and he said Good night.

The next day, I sent him a text expressing how wonderful I felt with him over the weekend. He didn’t respond until late in the evening when I was about to sleep that I saw his response. He asked, “Can you send me a photo? I want to see how you look in bed.” I took a photo of myself and sent it to him. He didn’t say anything though he saw it. It was the following afternoon that he came to respond to the photo I sent the previous night. He said, “That is beautiful.” I asked, “What were you doing all night that you’re now responding?” He said, “I was dozing off so I didn’t even have the time to look it well.”

He wouldn’t call and he wouldn’t text until I call or text. I took it as the beginning so he might change along the line. I will call and he’ll miss it. He won’t return the call until I call again. I will send him a text and he will read it but won’t respond until days later. Anytime I brought his attention to it, he’ll apologize and go straight ahead to do the same thing the following day. I asked him, “Are we dating?” He said, “Yes we are. What does it look like we are doing?” I said, “Then learn to be straight with me and behave like we are lovers. You are on and off and it’s killing me.” He said he’ll change but he never did.

He didn’t call or text so I stopped calling or texting. A week later he appeared. He said, “I’ve missed you so much, can you send me a photo?” I sent him a photo of me seated on my bed. Two days later, he came to respond, “Wow, that’s beautiful.” I said, “I sent that two days ago.” He said, “It’s still beautiful.” I didn’t hear from him again until two weeks later he appeared. After talking for a while, he said, “Can you send me a beautiful photo of you?” I said, “If you want to see me that much then let’s do a video call.”

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He called on a video and we talked all night. Later the next morning, I sent him a TikTok video of me singing. He watched but didn’t say anything until a week later when he came to say, “Wow, that’s beautiful. Can you send another one?” I was fed up. I was angry. I wanted to say hurtful things to him. I wanted to tell him to f**k off. But I was calm when I told him, “I don’t like the way you treat us. It’s like you are there but not there. What’s wrong with you. If you want this, then prove yourself a man, and let’s build this relationship. I’m sick and tired of your disappearing act.” He changed. He called every morning and night acting lovey-dovey. He asked for a photo and I sent it to him. I got a response a week later. He said, “You’re one beautiful girl and I’m proud to have you in my life.”

I didn’t respond. He called that same evening and I didn’t pick his call. Two days later, he came knocking at my door. I opened the door, saw his face, and didn’t let him in. He stood out while we talked. He said, “I want us to talk.” I said, “Talk.” He said he was sorry and he was ready to make it work. I said, “There’s nothing to work on.” He said, “Give me time, you’ll see.” I said, “There’s no more time to give.”

He stood outside for about twenty minutes. When he realized I wasn’t going to let him in, he left.” Since then, He had been calling me morning, afternoon, and evening. He had become interested in the things I do with my life. He asked about the business I wanted to start and I said I was going to start a delivery business. He said, “If you’re serious about it, I will contribute two motorbikes.”

He’s doing everything right and I’m enjoying the full nature of his presence in my life. He said he had changed and want us to start something serious but he had been on and off so often that I’m scared to take his words this time. Should I trust him one more time? I want to keep things the way they are for a while and see how far he would go but he sounds frustrated any time I turn him down. I don’t want to lose him and I’m scared he’ll go back to being passive if I give him the chance again. What should I do?

–Solace

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