How our relationship started was very funny. It’s like that funny joke you no longer laugh at because you’ve heard it over and over again. Kuukua sent me a message one morning and said, “My friend bi says he likes you.” I asked, “Your friend bɛn and why does he like me?” She said, “Yesterday when I posted our photo, he sent me a DM saying, “That girl in black, who dey eat?” I responded that you’re single and he said he likes you so I should give him your number.” I asked, “So have you given it to him?” She said, “I have to ask you first.” I said, “Give it to him. We don’t often meet people who would want to eat us.”

She said, “But you don’t even know him.” I said, “That’s why I said you should give him my number so I will know him.” “And you don’t care if he can’t walk?” She asked. I responded, “If he can walk to my heart, I don’t have a problem. We’ve dated walkers all our lives and they end up walking away from us. If someone can’t walk but can walk to my heart, why not?” She said, “You’re very stupid.” I said, “And you’re my friend. That makes it the two of us.” She sent a laughing emoji and I sent ten more to her. She said, “He’ll call you.” I said, “He has no option but to call me.” 

The whole thing was a joke until I picked a call one evening and heard this baritone voice; “My name is Graham. Kuukua gave me your number.” I said, “Graham, Kuukua gave you my number or you asked for it?” He said, “Errrm, actually, I asked for it.” I said, “You wanted to know who dey eat, that’s why you took my number?” He laughed out loud, “Oh she told you all that? I was only joking.” I said, “No problem. How are you and why are you calling me.” He said, “I’m good. Kuukua is your friend and she’s my friend too. I was wondering if we could be friends.” I said, “No need to wonder. We are friends.”

I think my straightforwardness got him confused. He made a lot of pauses before talking and he asked a lot of questions only confused guys would ask. I told him, “That’s how I am. Always playful. If you’re the kind who takes life seriously, you won’t like me. Everything is a joke to me and everything is serious to me. I’m like that.” He said, “I like people like that so I like you already.” 

We kept talking every day. From morning till evening, he kept talking to me. He told me everything; his work, his family, where he had come from, his heartbreaks, and his dreams. I’ve never had a man open up like that to me as Graham did. When I was not on the phone with him, I knew why and knew where he was that’s making it hard for him to talk. 

We were friends for three months before he finally proposed to me. I asked, “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for you to say it so I said no. You’ve made me kept my no saaa now it has lost its effect.” He laughed. He asked, “That means yes, right.” I said, “That means yes but where do we start from? You’re in  Accra and I’m stuck here for the rest of my life. How do we make this thing work?” He said, “We made the friendship work. We’ll continue from there.”

A week later he traveled from Accra to visit me at Elmina. I looked at him for the first time and said in my head, “Wow, he’s prettier than he looks in pictures.” Instead of telling him that, I said, “You look different in person. I didn’t know you’re this tall. Pictures make you appear smaller.” That day we called Kuukua on a video call to witness the fruit of her initiative. She screamed, ”Heeeer you guys are serious? I thought you were joking ooo.” I said, “You don’t know what a joke looks like, right?” 

It was a great day for both of us. We walked down the beach, making footprints and looking back at them, and arguing whose feet are bigger. We didn’t look like it was our first time together. When he had to leave, I promised him, “You’ve done very well and I’ll make sure I pay you back.” A week later I was in Accra. The plan was to go to Kuukua first so she’ll take me to him as a surprise but immediately I got to Accra I changed my mind. I called him, “Young man, I’m in Accra. Which car should I pick to get to your place.” He thought it was one of my jokes. He said, “Just call an Uber.” I said, “I don’t know how to call Uber.” He said, “Pick a dropping and tell the driver you’re going to Achimota Mile 7.”

Minutes later I said, “I’m at the Ecobank, where else should I go?” He screamed, “Are you serious?” I said, “You don’t know how a joke looks like, do you?” I could feel the pulse of excitement in his voice when he rushed to come pick me up. He said, “You’ve made me happier.” I said, “I’m glad I did.” We spent the weekend together and the only time we saw Kuukua was on a video call.

A month later, I started looking for a job in Accra. It was his idea and I thought it was a great one for us to be closer to each other. When I finally landed a job, it became a whole fanfare for the three of us. I lived with Kuukua with the intention of getting my own place later when situations are right. 

Then things started changing.   

He’ll tell me to wait for him at a place. I will go to the place and wait but he’ll later call and say, “Something came up. I’m sorry we have to do it tomorrow.” I hardly get angry so I’ll say something like, “Too bad. I will go home and see you tomorrow.” He’ll promise to come for me on weekends but the weekend would come and he’ll tell me he had to go to work. He didn’t call until I called. And when I called, he didn’t say a lot. We could talk for hours those days but now we couldn’t even get over the minute mark. I was getting frustrated but I was bottling them in, thinking things would be better. It never did. It got worse each day.

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One Friday evening, he promised to come for me so I dressed up for him. He should have come around 7pm but at 10pm he called to say “Sorry I couldn’t….” I wouldn’t let him land with his apology. I descended on him and told him my mind; “That’s all you do ever since I came to Accra. I relocated for you and you decided to treat me this way? What kind of man would do that to the woman he claims he loves. You’ve been canceling on me every day. You think I don’t have feelings? You think it doesn’t ’t get me upset or because I laugh every day you think I don’t get hurt? Do me a favor, just lose my number!”

I cut the line.

He called I didn’t pick. The next day, he called again, I didn’t pick. He sent a long message saying he was sorry. I didn’t respond. He stopped calling. After four days of silence, I decided to give him another chance and see what may come out of it. I called this guy and he told me he had moved on so I should also move on. I thought as time goes on he will change his mind just like I changed mine but it’s been a month already and this guy is still telling me to move on because he’s over me.

I still want him. He’s a good guy. Maybe I should have been a little bit patient with him. I went too far that day when I asked him to lose my number but I’d apologized and had done everything humanly possible. He still says no. What can a girl do to win her ex back? It’s my fault. I’m ready to make amends. If there’s anything to say or do to win him back, I will do that. He’s the reason I live in Accra. It’s lonely without him. Please help. 

–Amanda

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