I have always been serious with my books and my studies, so I never had time for women. There were times I had crushes on women who were close to me but I didn’t want to frustrate my education with relationship issues so I always bottled up my feelings. What even made it harder for me to approach women is the fact that I am introverted. So socializing with people altogether wasn’t my thing. 

The only time I considered entering a relationship was when I felt I was ready for marriage. My closest friend, Adam, who knew about my difficulty in talking to women offered to play matchmaker between me and his female friend. I told him, “If you think this person you are talking about is someone I can marry then link us up.” He did exactly that and I opened my life to this lady. As I studied her closely, I realized that she wasn’t interested in me as a person. All she wanted was what I could give her. So I cut ties with her as quickly as possible and moved on with my life. 

After my first attempt at finding a wife failed, Adam connected me with another one of his female friends. All she did throughout our relationship was ask me for money. I became very concerned and started asking questions about her. That was when I found out that she was getting ready to marry another man. The revelation hurt me, but I cut my losses and moved on.  

Fast forward, I was posted outside my town for work. While I was there I got close to a middle-aged woman at my workplace. She wasn’t earning enough money to take good care of her family so I supported her financially. Sometimes I even cooked and fed her children. This woman liked me so much that when she got to know that I was single, she offered to arrange a match between me and her younger sister. I told her, “No, I am not interested. I have had some bad experiences with matchmaking so I won’t try it again.” “Ah, don’t you trust me? You should know that I won’t connect you to a bad person.” She said.

I thought about her proposal for a while and agreed to give it a try. My friend made her sister move from the village to come and live with her so that I would get to know her. This young lady had a son but I didn’t have a problem with it. I even enrolled the child in school and catered for his needs. I also found a job for the lady to do and provided for her needs as well. Later, I rented an apartment for her and her son to move into. She seemed like a good girl so I was doing everything possible to show her that I was serious about marrying her.

Yet, just about a month after she moved into her apartment, we heard rumours that my lady was involved with a married man. And the man’s wife found out and threatened to curse and kill her. When my friend and I heard the news, we sat her down to advise her. She got offended and insulted the two of us. Then she quit the job I found for her, and returned to the village with her son. Losing her hurt deeply because it wasn’t just her, it was her son too. I had bonded with the boy, only to lose him. I decided to take some time off from my search for a wife and further my studies. 

A year later, I bought a taxi and gave it to a man to work for me. Along the line, the driver and I became good friends. Like the others before him, when he also realized that I was single he tried to push one of his cousins to me. But I turned him down because I wanted to focus on my studies. However, I took it upon myself to help this cousin of his to learn a trade. I planned that by the time she graduates, I would have also finished my course. And if she is still available by then I would give her a try. But things escalated fast before I could blink. A weed smoker in their neighbourhood started threatening to hurt me for stealing his girlfriend. 

When I spoke to the girl’s parents they told me, “That boy means nothing to our daughter. Whatever relationship they have is a result of a love spell he cast on her.” As they were trying to find a way to break the spell, the guy kidnapped the girl and took her to a faraway place. The last time we heard from them, the girl was pregnant. Her parents were going to the police station in an attempt to locate her but nothing worked, so I decided to stay away from them. 

Later in 2020, I met Abena. She was a student nurse who caught my attention. We became friends for a while before I told her I wanted a relationship with her. She has this calm demeanour that made me love her. After she completed school, she expressed interest in starting a business while waiting to be posted. I did my best as a boyfriend and supported her to start a food business. The problem I have with her is, although she is calm, she is also a difficult person. 

She always feels she’s right and whatever decision I take doesn’t doesn’t matter to her. Another thing too is that she believes that I should be financially responsible for her because we are in a relationship. I tried to explain to her several times that she will only become my responsibility when we are married, but it caused issues. So I started giving her a monthly allowance once in a while, but all she did was complain, so I stopped. She also has a habit of comparing our relationship to other people’s relationships and then picking fights with me over things she thinks I should be doing for her. 

 Our relationship has been on and off due to her silly drama. Now I’m worried that even after marriage she won’t allow me to run my home peacefully as the man. Speaking of marriage, we haven’t been able to agree on the kind of ceremony we should organize for our marriage. I suggested we hold a traditional marriage this year, and then organize a white wedding next year, but she has refused. She told me, “I am a catholic. I will not be allowed to eat communion in my church if I don’t have a church wedding.” I explained things to her, “My finances are too low for a white wedding. So if your concern is communion then join my church. No one will stop you from eating the lord’s meal there.” She refused and told me that she would wait for me to gather my finances for a church wedding. 

What is annoying me in all this is that she doesn’t have money to contribute to our wedding. The business I set up for her collapsed, and she hasn’t been posted to work yet. She’s at home looking for a temporary job but when she gets one she rejects it because according to her the money is too small. When I pointed these things out to her she said, “Please, if you don’t have money for a traditional and white wedding together then go your way.” So she left our relationship hanging, and I also haven’t called it quits yet.

However, I met someone online in 2021 called Akua. I became fond of her because of her level of maturity. We first started talking as friends, and one day we met in person. We spent only twenty minutes together but it was enough to encourage me to propose to her. She also liked me enough to accept my proposal, even though she lives in the Ashanti Region, while I live in the Eastern Region. Ever since we started dating, I have asked her to find time for us to meet again but so far, nothing. All she does is give me excuses upon excuses. 

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She tells me, “My uncle doesn’t allow me to go out.” Meanwhile, she goes with her friends. The other day I told her, “Akua, you are a thirty-year-old woman, stop using your uncle as an excuse not to see me. Be honest with me, are you still interested in the relationship?” She answered that she was okay with the relationship. But I am not okay with it. I want things to change. I want her to make effort to see me, but she is not ready to do that.

 We’ve been together for almost two years but I have seen her only once. And I am the one who always calls and texts her. If I don’t check up on her, she won’t also check up on me. She feels like she can only call me when I send her airtime. Sometimes she would ask me for money but I don’t always give her. And so according to her, I am stingy, or not responsible enough to take care of her when we get married. But I am also behaving that way because I learned my lessons from previous relationships. All I have done is give freely, but I have never even received a pin from any of these ladies. So at this point, it will be difficult for me to spend money on a woman I am not married to. 

My mind tells me Akua doesn’t want us to meet because I don’t give her whatever she wants.

I want to ask, am I being insensitive to her needs? Should I let both Abena and Akua go? Or I should choose one of them and settle down? I don’t know what to do.

—Manu

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