Since he started school, it’s been one excuse after another. How can you say you love someone and not see them in three months? We live in the same town so it’s not a problem of distance. When I complain he tells me, “I am busy with school.” What kind of schoolwork keeps a man so busy that he wouldn’t talk to his fiancée for four days? When he calls too, it is to say things like, “Sorry, I slept off.” “Sorry, I couldn’t call you back earlier.” At this point, I won’t be surprised if he comes to tell me, “Sorry, I can’t go on with the marriage plans anymore.”

According to the plans we made, we were supposed to be married by the end of last year. Everything was on course. When you’ve been with someone for two years, you would know if they are the person you want beside you for the rest of your life. I love Mark so much that I just knew he was the man I would like to marry. So when he told me, “I want you to meet my parents so we can start preparations for marriage,” I didn’t panic.

We had lunch with his parents one weekend and it was lovely. His mother was polite and distant. I couldn’t tell if she liked me or not. When she smiled at me, it didn’t reach her eyes. The kind of smile you see people wear for social situations. His father, on the other hand, radiated warmth and acceptance. There was an easy grace with which he dealt with me. I knew instantly that he was accepting me into their family.

When I introduced him to my family, they all loved him. He became a part of us instantly. He met my pastors and we were advised to start counseling. He then took me to his church to meet his spiritual leaders. I didn’t like the energy they gave me. It was as if they weren’t pleased that Mark was going to marry someone outside the church. I am sure this was the turning point in our relationship.

We started our counseling before he started school. However, the moment his classes began, he became too busy for anything. He wouldn’t even make time to attend our counseling sessions. We would have an appointment but I would be the only one sitting in the counselor’s office. The first time was understandable. The second time was forgivable. After the third time, it became a sad scene in a movie. What was the point of attending premarital counseling when my partner wouldn’t show up?

We had to agree to put the sessions on hold until his schedule cleared up. “Things will be better next year,” he promised, “I will have less schoolwork.” Automatically, our marriage plans were put on hold as well. Sincerely, I didn’t have a problem with that. It’s not as if I am in any rush to tie the knot.

What matters to me is that I am with Mark and we love each other. So I didn’t mind at all when we had to hold on. Now that’s the problem. We are still together. I still love him. What I am unsure of is his love for me. The “next year” he promised has arrived. We are in March but nothing has changed.

I know that no matter how busy someone is, they make time for the people they love. So the fact that it takes my man days to return my calls says a lot. I have complained about it. But every time I do he tells me, “You know I am combining school with work. It’s taking all my time.” How many hours does it take to text someone, “Good morning. I hope you are well”?

When I needed him to be present on my birthday, he didn’t show up. On my graduation day, he was nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, I am always there when he needs me.

READ ALSO: My Mother Doesn’t Ask When I Am Getting Married And It Worries Me

The other day I asked him, “Mark do you still love me? Are you having doubts about marrying me? Is that why you’ve been distant?” He said, “It’s not what you think. I just want to focus on school for now. That’s what my pastor said I should do. He said I am too young to be getting married.” Silent Beads, Mark is thirty-four years old. If at this age, he is too young to marry, then when will he be ripe?

At this point, my family has given up on us as a couple. They’ve advised me to move on. But I love him. Besides, he hasn’t done anything bad to me. Apart from his, “I am too busy” behavior, he is a good guy. I am sure he wouldn’t even be behaving like that if something wasn’t off.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

I am wondering if he is doing all this because someone said something to him. Maybe his mother told him she didn’t like me. It could also be his pastors. He seems to listen to them more than himself. What if they told him, “I see in the Spirit that she is not the one for you”? I may sound insane but these are the only explanations I can come up with. I know Mark enough to know that this isn’t him. That’s why I have been holding on.

I was so sure he was worth the wait but now I am having doubts. Maybe my family is right after all. I am here looking for a second opinion on this so I can make my decision. Do you think there is hope for our relationship? Or has Mark left already but hasn’t been able to tell me?

—Rose

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