Our relationship is seven years old and we are getting ready to settle down in a few months’ time. Why wait seven years? Her mother did not approve of our relationship and she strongly objected to us getting married. We don’t know her reasons but we were too in love with each other to allow her disapproval to break us up. So we kept going even when there seemed to be no hope. The whole point was to wear her out until she gives her go-ahead. However, the woman has the will of iron. She refused to back down until my girlfriend’s dad returned from abroad and gave us his blessing.
Now that we have the green light to get married, we have encountered a little iceberg that could halt our plans. It started in our fourth year in the relationship. By then she was doing her national service in an organization I secured for her. When she first started work she told me, “Guess what? The HR is hitting on me.” I answered, “The HR? Isn’t he the one supposed to make sure that these things don’t happen at the office?” We both talked further about it and even found it hilarious at some point. Later she assured me, “I told him I am in a serious relationship so he has taken his advances elsewhere.”
A few months later that she brought me another report, “After successfully getting the HR off my back without causing any drama, the IT guy in our department has decided to throw his hat in the ring. I told him I have a boyfriend but he seems to believe he can win me over.” Honestly, I wasn’t bothered by the attention she was getting from all these men. It is perfectly natural for a young beautiful woman like her to have men falling at her feet. All she has to do is to maintain healthy boundaries so that lines don’t get crossed. And she had always done that so I trusted her. Later she told me she firmly put the IT guy in his place so he stopped bothering her.
As time went on I bought her an iPhone. The phone needed an update but she didn’t know how to do it. I live in Accra while she was in Takoradi for her service, so I couldn’t help her either. Her next option was to take it to the IT guy at her workplace and ask for his help. First, she discussed it with me, and I agreed for her to do what she needs to do. After he helped her out they became friends. She informed me, “Because we are cool with each other now, he has started asking me out again.”
I didn’t say any words but my silence was heavy with the question, “Should I be worried?” So she quickly assured me, “You know I will never get involved with him. He will realize that I am not interested and then he will stop.” I knew her so I trusted her to do the right thing. However, I started getting concerned when I found out their friendship was getting intense. “I don’t feel good about how close you’ve gotten to that guy. Whatever friendship you have going on, shut it down. Keep a healthy distance from him before things get out of hand.”
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She didn’t listen to me. She rather offered me more assurances, “Come on, there is nothing to fear here. You know that I won’t cheat on you. Besides he is a married man, that’s a no-no for me.” Her words did nothing to comfort me because their friendship remained intense. So I also kept complaining about it whenever it came up. I am usually a laid-back person but her attitude made me angry all the time so we were always arguing. I would leave Accra to go and visit her at Takoradi but we would end up arguing about this IT guy the entire time I am there.
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Every time we argued she would cry that I don’t trust her anymore. This went on for some time and she told me my complaints were getting too much for her to bear and that she is hurt by my words because she is not doing anything. Things were rough between us until she finished her national service and came to Accra. From there we faced the challenges her mother gave us and now in our seventh year, we are finally about to legitimize our relationship and settle down. Now is the time she chose to tell me she cheated on me when she was in Takoradi. And it was with no other person than the IT guy.
She said it happened at the time I used to argue with her and make her cry. The IT guy was always there to console her. So she ended up catching feelings for him and they got together. “I have felt guilty about it since it happened but I cannot allow us to get married with this kind of secret between us. I never thought I would cheat on you but it happened. I feel you deserve to know the truth before we take things further.” She has apologized and begged me not to leave her because she loves me and wants us to start our married life on a clean slate. I feel hurt and so betrayed but I still love her too. I know she is a good woman so I don’t know what to do. Do I call off everything and walk away or do I stay and make it work?
–Zion
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My brother once a cheater always a cheater.. U cheat by choice not by chance.. Let her go please, u don’t deserve such a woman in your life. Trust me you can never ever live with this guilt of another man Fuckin her, the most disgraceful aspect is that, a married man also.. An abomination act, flee my brother.. better women still dey, trust me she has been cheating on you for a long time, that married guy has been Fuckin her not more often
I have read stories like this , the cheater always ends up cheating and blaming the innocent one . Please leave otherwise you will never be happy in your marriage. I know deep within your heart you love her but you need to man up and move . If you marry her , I bet you , you will come and share your story here again.
My brother find out why she is now informing you about the cheating. She saying she wants to start a clean slate with you is not enough. You are at such a crucial stage in your relationship that every lady dreads, so why is she trying to destroy it with her own hands. Push her to give you more details and pick it up from there. I am thinking she doesn’t want the marriage.
Ma guy, she has done it and can not take it back, you should be glad she has confessed to you but beyond the affair she had, if she ticks all the right boxes for you about marriage and you feel the future with her is better for you by all means go for her and be with her. A lot of the mistakes we guys make is creating the woman to always cry, putting ideas where there has to be none so she can focus on us. When you complain and give her that gap, the only solution is she will become prey to the other guy who in this case was the IT guy at her service center. Guys will always be guys and once we see you are proving to not cherish the one you love we will come in and devour it how we want. Be safe and be wise.
Guy halt everything, take a break from the marriage plans and please find the IT guys woman toast her and chew her to send him photos then go ahead and marry the woman . If he gets physical after seeing his sextape of his wife he will attack and please do me a favor beat the day light out of him
Bro please take a firm stance to call everything off. You can’t get over this and with that happy marriage isn’t guaranteed
Stand by what your heart is telling you
She is saying goodbye to you in a manner which is less painful. Perhaps, she hasn’t slept with the IT guy but her feelings for him or someone else is greater than what she has for u. Its possible she’ll one day tell you to forget about her and that you deserve better.
It is good she has confessed to you. Sit down as a couple and discusss this.what pushed her there and try to avoid it in marriage. You have come this long way…
Atleast she came clean to your though you have lost your trust in her ,speak to her maybe she has feelings for the other guy or she is guilty .At the end of the day communication is the biggest bridge in a relationship to get to ones destination. This should serve as a lesson to anyone we should not create problem or see pictures where there aren’t any cause if you do you live in fear and insecurity thereby creating such problems which did not exist in the first place. YOU lived in fear of losing her to the IT guy so it caused a rift between you guys causing her to seek comfort in his arms. What matters is she regretts it and has given you the benefit of the doubt now the ball is in your court. REMEMBER what you fear does not exist but rather its your imagination that has given a way to fear.
Dear brother, the lady has come clean to you,and it’s good she is telling you this to know even if it will pop in future, atleast you had a clue about it, for now just tell her to be assertive on whom she needs in her life instead. If I were you, I would have marry off this lady because she is real. Ask your self how about if she would have kept this secret for her alone? What would you do? What could be the situation? Please marry her off
There is no reason for her to tell you now, unless she wants out. These are secrets women routinely keep, and she could have kept it for the good of your relationship. You can never forget it, especially since you saw it coming and warned her. In any case, infidelity is one ground upon which the Bible allows divorce.
To begin with why should a lady *argue with her boyfriend* who cautions her against being friends with a particular guy in question and later comes to sleep with him and confesses before tying the knot ?
Go ahead with the wedding. She could have kept the confession to herself but cos she didn’t want to live with that guilt she spat out the truth. It hurts tho but try and overcome it. Marriage entails a lot, if you pass this test you might be together till death.