When Alfred proposed to me, I was not sure of so many things. It wasn’t about him. It was about me. I’m in a complicated relationship that I’m finding my way around. It’s like a maze, the guy I’m dating is at the other side of the maze and we are struggling to find each other. So I told Alfred to give me time. I also told him about my situation and he understood me. He kept coming around and doing favours for me until we agreed to be in some form of a relationship.

We didn’t give it a name but it looked like friends with benefits because we were not supposed to be committed. It was fun and the whole adventure was helping me heal and see clearly what I needed in a man. He was enjoying it and kept asking me to make up my mind because he was catching feelings.

I introduced him to Abena when we all went out together one day. Abena came with her boyfriend and because I had to go with someone, I went with Alfred. Alfred became friends with Abena’s boyfriend that day. You know guys. They meet today and tomorrow they are friends.

I don’t know where the twist of event happened. One day Alfred was with me when Abena called. Her picture showed so it was obvious. They talked briefly but you could see Alfred was not giving energy to the conversation. When I asked when they started talking, he told me they talked because of Abena’s boyfriend. It didn’t sit well with me so I tried to dig for more.

I found everything on Abena’s phone. They were seriously having an affair on the side. They talk about Abena’s boyfriend in a very condescending way. They call what they have friends with benefits because Abena was sure she wasn’t going to leave her boyfriend.

I was hurt but I didn’t say anything to Abena. It was Alfred I confronted and his excuse was “But you and I are not anything? We are just having fun doesn’t mean I can’t have fun with someone else.”

I don’t even know which one hurt more, the fact that Alfred will do that with my best friend or my best friend taking what I have my fingerprints on. I haven’t said anything to Abena but I know she knows that I know about them. Alfred will tell her but she hasn’t said anything to me. One of them has to pay for my wasted emotions and it’s Abena who’s going to pay. Will I be right to tell Abena’s boyfriend about what’s going on?

— BB

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