Five years ago when we met, he wanted us to get married. Everything about our relationship had to do with marriage. We were in school so we took things slowly. Even then, he got ahead of our plans sometimes. I remember when he wanted us to enter a jewellery shop at the mall so he could get to know my ring size. Everything just felt right with him. The day he wanted to introduce himself officially to my mum, he asked that I engage her in a conversation about his intentions for us to settle down and share with him her response.

My mum was happy for us but her main concern was, “You two are fresh graduates now. Is it not too soon for you to get married? Don’t you want to take your time and prepare for your future before you commit to it?” He had something going on at the time, but I was still job hunting.

I remember the days when he would send me job applications. When I got called, he would take me to the interview, and bring me back home. If we wait and I don’t hear back from the interviewers, he would give me the encouragement and support I needed. When I started my own buying and selling business, he was always there. Even when I got a job, he was still supportive.

In our third year getting to the fourth, we were sure of what we wanted. We were ready to take the big step. Which meant it was time for me to meet his mum. The day came and I had all the hope in the world that she would like me. I got there and it was the opposite. I didn’t feel the connection. The energy there was dull. I felt uncomfortable and unwelcome.

She didn’t say much to me but the little she said was enough to send a message. She simply didn’t think her son was old enough to get married. She had her son’s life planned out and marriage was not on the list at the moment. Nobody had to say it but I was made to feel like a stumbling block in my boyfriend’s life. I felt embarrassed but I didn’t want to show it. I just nodded to everything she said.

Shortly after she left us in the hall, I told him I wanted to go home. He saw the disappointment in my eyes and decided to drop me off. I declined his offer and ordered a ride instead. I just needed a moment by myself to process his mother’s hostility toward me.

On my way home he kept calling me but it was at that moment that I decided to give up on us. I wasn’t going to fight for a spot in his life. I wasn’t going to make him choose me and later resent me for it. By the time I got home, he had called my mum to check up on me several times.

As the days went by, I kept pushing him away. However, the harder I pushed him away, the more he kept coming my way. He was doing the most to keep us. Kept giving me assurances and promises. Whatever he did, I told myself, “Que sera sera.” We can only hope for our desired future but what will be will be.

As time went on, I did my best to keep him at arm’s length. I knew I had changed and it was affecting him. It went from fewer visits, to a change in how often we communicate. He complained. He spoke of how I’ve changed. “Ever since we went to see my mum, you’ve been too busy for me. Why? What’s wrong?” I was shocked he was pretending he didn’t know what was wrong.

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Well, he asked for it so I gave it to him. I let everything I had been harbouring about his mama’s behaviour out. For a moment, he was quiet. Then he said, “I did not want to say anything after your visit because I have been trying to handle things.” I retorted, “What things exactly have you been trying to handle? If this whole thing isn’t going to work, just let me know because I don’t want to wait in vain.”

It was then that he opened up about his family’s intentions for him to travel, especially his mum. He admitted, “Babe, our meeting with her didn’t go as expected because Mum thinks when I marry you right now it will get in the way of my future. But I have been fighting them. I want to at least marry you before I go, so that you will know I am serious about keeping my promise of building a life with you.” I went silent. It took him four whole years to finally say this to me. Then what were the odds that he was going to come back to me even if we married?

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

A lot was going through my head. I kept asking myself rhetorical questions. For weeks I was just going through it. I confided in a friend. And she was thinking of the positive things that could happen. “What if it ends in a happily ever after?” I answered, “There’s no happily ever after in this. His mum won. Life happened. I just have to move on and focus on myself.”

He left in January. He wanted me to be at the airport for his departure but I used work as an excuse not to go. I would have completely fallen apart to see him go. Thankfully, he understood. He called when he got there. And he’s been calling often. I try to make it look like everything is okay but the bigger part of me has decided to make that big decision. If his mother doesn’t like me then there’s no place for me in his life. It hurts to admit but I have to let go. I hope I am doing the right thing.

—Cecy

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