If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

One weekend, I sent the kids to my parents and my dad sat me down. He asked me, “What’s your husband doing about the situation? Have you done the family planning thing? Or he has done what you asked him to do?” I told him, “He’s not ready and the most annoying part is his anger about the whole thing. But he doesn’t scare me, I won’t even mind him.” My dad asked, “If you two don’t sit down and solve this issue, it may generate into something uncalled for. Do something about it.” I told my dad, “The worst case scenario is divorce but trust me, I’m not scared. What does he bring to my life that a divorce would take away?”

I went ahead to enumerate all the things he had done against me since the discussion of birth control. I told my dad, “When the third was coming he insulted me and called me all sort of names and then decided not to take care of him. As for the fourth, he asked me to get rid of it.” My dad was shocked. He said, “So you’ve been going through all this and you haven’t said anything? How could he ask you to do something like that?” I said, “I’m glad you understand me.” My dad said, “He’s a man. You know men and our ego. Why don’t you do it to prevent all these problems?”

I told my dad, “I can take a lot of risks but my husband is not someone I can take such risk for. He doesn’t appreciate anything I do for him. If I fall and die right now, he will come to my funeral with his new wife. I won’t do that for him.” He asked, “So you prefer divorce?” I said, “If it happens today, I will pack my things and come home or you won’t take me?” He laughed and I laughed.

Several months later we were fine. When it got to the time to pay fees, he went to the school and paid. He was being the man of the house. Both of us were happy again. When it came to sex, he was using condoms. He didn’t like it. I didn’t like it too but it was the best option for the two of us due to our stands on Family planning. One night, he started acting funny. I knew what he wanted so I availed myself. I realized he was coming without protection. I said, “Don’t you think you’ve forgotten something? He said, “It’s finished.” “The whole box is finished? How come?” I inquired.  He said, “This is not the time to ask questions.”

I tightened up. I said, “I’m not safe.” He said, “I will try and withdraw.” I asked, “You’ll try?” He asked, “Don’t you believe me anymore?” I didn’t want any trouble that night so I allowed him, trusting that he’ll withdraw as promised. By the time I realized, he had fallen off me and was on the bed panting. “Bra, where’s the withdrawal?” He said, “I tried but you locked me.” How did I lock you, young man?”

Another misunderstanding. Another fight. The next day I took emergency pills. Two or three days later, he approached again for a match. Again, without any protection. I didn’t even look at him. All night he was bugging me. I didn’t trust him enough to let him do it raw. The next morning, he said, “Let’s see a doctor for advice. There’s something easier both of us can do.” We went to see a specialist. She laid down all the methods. Out of the twelve options available, only two options were for men. After listening to the presentation, he asked me, “Which option are you going for?” The specialist asked him, “How about you? you have two options and they are both easy so you can choose one.”

He said he doesn’t want to do anything permanent. The specialist told him, “Then stick to the condom.” I also told her my fears, the fact that people in my family have reacted badly to it. She said, “It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll react to it too. You have to try it before you can see.” I asked, “If I try and I react, what next?” She said, “You’ll try another option until you get what would be suitable for you.” I said, “We’ll stick to the condom.” When we were leaving my husband said, “Aggie, just try one and let’s see. If it doesn’t work, then you change it.” The specialist asked, “Why don’t you also want to try something? You are a family. You have to make a collective decision. Don’t force her if she doesn’t want to. It’s good you both stick to what is safe not what might worry the other.”

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We both came home armed with the knowledge of what to do but most importantly, I was glad he was told not to push me. We both settled on what’s safe for us—condom, natural cycle, and withdrawal but guess what. One night he wanted it raw. I protested and he forced himself on me. The next day he brought the E-pill. I didn’t take it. The following month, I missed my period. I told him about it. He said, “You’re joking right? I said, “I’m serious.” The month ended. I didn’t see my period. I checked and I was pregnant.

When I told him he pretended he didn’t hear me. I repeated. He didn’t mind me. I asked, “Did you hear what I said?” He asked, “You’re pregnant so I have to come and carry you behind me?” I said, “I’m glad you heard me.” For two weeks he didn’t talk to me. But the good thing was, he didn’t insult me like he did the other time. He didn’t also suggest that we get rid of it. He was just not talking to me. Weeks later, when he started talking, he said, “I know what to do for this not to happen again.”

I don’t know what he’s going to do but anything that he’ll do for us not to get pregnant again, I’m all for it. Currently, I’m six months pregnant. My fifth and hopefully my last. To be honest, I’m also tired of pushing. My body needs some rest and hopefully, this would be the last time I take my body through that.

–Agnes

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