For some reason, anytime he met me, he stopped and talked to me. He complimented me freely and called me beautiful. I knew where it was going so I told him, “I’m not a young girl ooo. I’m an old woman.” He asked my age and I said thirty-seven. He screamed, “Wow, I thought you were twenty-five.” When I asked his age, he told me twenty-six. I said, “You see? Respect the age.”

Then he said something I thought was lovely, “Old woman, can I have a drink with you someday?” I responded, “As far as you’re not going to drink Fanta, I’m in.”

On our third date, we ended up at my place. It was so awkward watching a guy his age do the things he was doing to my old body. He had soft lips that made me feel like I was kissing a baby. He wanted to go all the way with me but I stopped him midway. I said, “Promise me you won’t tell your friends or anybody about what’s happening?” He answered, “You’re too good to hide. I’ll tell them. Being in love with you is not illegal.”

“Why is this small boy saying everything right?”

So I let myself go and it’s been like this for the past eight months. He listens to me. The first time I’ve had a man listen to me and do what I say. I know where he is if he’s not with me. If I ask him to see me at 9pm, he will come around at 8:30pm. I can sleep and wake up to see him watching me like I’m a treasure. A candy to a child’s eye.

He’s unemployed. He did business administration in school and has been home for two years. I’m trying to get him a job. In my mind, that would be the point I’ll let him go. He’ll have a job, dedicate to the job and meet people his age.

He asked what this was going and I told him it was not going anywhere. He said, “So you’re using me, right?”

All my life, I’ve been the one men use. They don’t tell me their intentions. While I build castles in the air about our relationship, they build windows they use to escape. The last man that left me got married six months later. It hurt. I caged myself. I didn’t think I could love again but this boy came along and slowly unfurled my folded emotions. What he said was true. I’m using him.

It’s not my fault. Society won’t stand aside and watch me marry a boy his age. They’ll judge me. They’ll make fun of us on social media. They’ll tell him he married abrewa. They’ll call me awingaa. When hearts are right and are into each other, it’s fair but society won’t rest.

I told him my plan; “I’ll help you get a good job and leave you at the entrance. You’ll be so busy you’ll forget about me.”

I haven’t seen him in days. Maybe he’s leaving me. If that’s his plan, he’s right. I only hope he doesn’t judge me harshly or see me as the woman who took advantage of him and later left him dry. We can’t win tomorrow so it’s better we lose today.

— Anita

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