I’m a 30-year-old single mother to my 6-year-old daughter. We come from one of the Southern African countries. Both my daughter and I live with my maternal grandmother. I have been working hard so I can give us a better life, but the road hasn’t been easy. When I am not busy hustling, I try to find love. After a lot of failed attempts, I turned to dating apps.
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That’s how I met Ramsey, a 42-year-old Nigerian man who lives and works in Dubai.
He told me right from the moment we started talking that his job situation isn’t very stable. He openly spoke to me about his financial struggles. As someone with similar troubles, I understood him.
I’ve never asked him for anything since our connection began. I appreciate and manage the little I earn from my small business.
What brings me here is a recent situation involving one of my aunts. She was kind enough to offer me money so I could get a passport and travel to South Africa in search of better opportunities. I was so excited that I told my partner about this offer.
He then suggested something that caught me off guard. He wants me to ask my aunt for more money. “Tell her that you need money for transportation too. Then don’t go to South Africa. Use the money to come to me here in Dubai.”
He has assured me that he would top up whatever amount I get from my aunt.
My concern is, I have never met him. Nobody in my family knows him. How do I move my entire life to go and join him then?
In my culture, a man is expected to first formally introduce himself to a woman’s family before any serious step like this is taken. When I tried to explain this to him, he made it seem like I was dragging things unnecessarily.
“All you have to do is tell your family you are traveling to South Africa, then you come to me. What’s the big deal? They won’t know you are living with a man if you don’t tell them.”
He keeps telling me that finding your feet in a new country when you don’t know anyone is difficult, and that it would be easier for me if I moved to him.
“Think about it,” he argued, “you will save money on living expenses. I am talking about accommodation, utility bills, and food.”
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I understand where he is coming from. It’s cheaper to live with someone when you combine resources. But how do I take my family’s money to fund myself to go live with a man? It doesn’t sit well with me, so I told him I can’t do that.
“If you want me to live with you, there are traditions to fulfill. Until you do that, I also can’t make the move.”
I Was Fine Until I Was Alone In My Room
I believe I am being reasonable, but he doesn’t agree with me. He says I’m being selfish.
So I want to ask the Nigerians here how your culture works. Is it culturally acceptable for a woman to travel to live with a man she hasn’t met in person, using money from her own family? What about the proper rites like marriage?
—Pat
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The situation you find yourself in is not about culture. It spells trafficking. No culture allows such a thing, not even Nigeria. You basically don’t know anything about this man, nor does your family. If something happens to you how will they intervene, how will they contact you? You setting yourself up to be kidnapped, used for sex trafficking and possibly killed. Do what your aunt suggested to you. Don’t betray your family for a man you barely know. If possible, distance yourself from him, cos a man who can ask that of you is capable of dubious things. He’s basically isolating you from your family, and I promise you, abuse is next. All the best to you.
Did u just say Dubai? My sister run for your life. Infact run as fast as u can
How can you believe this man you have never seen before?
Do you know what he does for a living?
He wants you to lie to your family and come stay with him?
Who would be responsible if he uses you for his own gains? My sister all that glitters is not gold, you are young, who would take care of your daughter in your abscence?
My sister run o. This guy wants to turn you to a sex slave. As soon as you land in Dubai, he’ll seize your passport and then your problems will really begin.
If he was sincere, he would have encouraged you to tell your family the truth and openly invited you to join him in Dubai. He would also have provided his contact information to your family and kept in touch with them throughout the whole process.
You have fallen into the arms of a scam artist. A word is enough for the wise. Flee immediately.
May be he want to use you and do ritual
He has no pure intentions. Block him. Honour your family and make use of the opportunity given you to liberate your family.
I’m a Nigerian but i admonish you to cut ties with this man. He wants you to lie to your family, to hide your whereabout from them. This is to make it easier for you to perish alone without your family’s help. He clearly has evil plan to ruin you and he doesn’t want your family to imped him. Don’t even take any risk by setting rules for him. If you continue to argue with him he may drop this idea and plot another one. BLOCK HIM. God has a play for you. Don’t fall a prey to devilish men in the name of love or job.
Shalom!
Madam you better block that guy and run away for your life ooo