My husband’s sister came to live with us some time ago. I knew she was trouble when she came in but I was ready to tolerate her because of the love I have for my husband. She came in very humble. She called my name with sister. “Sister Priscilla.” She woke up early before anyone else to clean the house and prepare meals. I always said thank you to her and bought her a gift whenever I was coming from town. I even took her shopping when needed.
And then she started putting up an attitude because she felt I was spending her brother’s money without adding any value to her brother’s life. She made this statement in a phone conversation with one of her relatives. She thought I had gone out. I heard everything but didn’t confront her or told my husband about it.
My job went online after Covid so I always work from home. Because of that, I used the opportunity to secure another minor job that would bring in another income. I earn more than my husband. My husband knows it so when it comes to taking care of the house and building projects for us, I spend more than my husband does. I don’t remember the last time I asked for housekeeping money from him. I don’t remember asking him to pay any bills or buy anything for me. We split the rent because he insisted he wanted to pay. We understand each other that way and love what we’ve built.
My husband doesn’t have a car. My company gave me a car when I was an office worker. After Covid, I bought the car from the company when they wanted to sell it. I work from home so I don’t need the car. My husband goes to work with the car every day until I have runs to do in town during the week. My husband’s sister told their brother on the phone that I’ve turned their brother into a yes man. Whatever I say, he obeys to the extent that I tell him not to go to work with his own car.
I was entering the house from town when I overheard her talking on the phone. “I know she’s a witch but that her witchcraft can’t affect me. I’ll match her boot for boot. How can a jobless woman like her determine when my brother should use a car and when not to?”
When she heard my footsteps, she mentioned the name of who she was talking to and said bye-bye.
When my husband came, I told him to advise his sister without telling him the details. If I did, the girl would have been out of our house the following morning. I didn’t want that to happen. Issues like these, when you don’t handle them tactically, can backfire and send a whole family into an unnecessary war of words. I told my husband, “Talk to your sister. She doesn’t understand how we run this home so she makes certain comments I don’t want to hear from her. Just talk to her.”
My husband got angry and started screaming, “What is she saying? Has she insulted you? Has she disrespected you? Let me know and she would be gone the next second.” I calmed him down. “You see I’m not angry,” I said. “That’s because what she said didn’t get to me. I know it comes from a place of ignorance. Just talk to her patiently and she’ll get your message.”
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The next day, I was in my room when I heard a conversation between a brother and sister. He wasn’t angry. He was calm. He called me to come so I joined them. He pointed at me and told his sister, “You see this woman right here? I’m who I am today because of her. You are here with us because she agreed to house you. She likes you very much so don’t do or say anything to disrespect her. If that happens, I won’t have any option but to….”
I cut in before he could throw the bomb; “It won’t get there dear. She heard what you said. We’ll be fine.”
Things got worse. She stopped doing everything she used to do in the house waiting for me to tell her before she would do it with a frown. I’m not handicapped. I used to handle my affairs very well before she came around. I would cook for my husband and ensure there’s nothing left for her to eat. I wasn’t going to cook for her. When she continued, I stopped stocking the kitchen and only bought what we needed for the house. The next person who came to war with me was her mother.
When she called my husband was there. I showed him the call and happily said, “It’s your mom calling me.” Immediately I picked up the call, and without greetings and any pleasantries, she plunged into me. She said she knew everything that was going on in the house and if I didn’t take care, I wouldn’t be happy in my husband’s house. “How can a jobless woman like you dictate for my son and daughter? Do you know how he suffers before he puts food on the table? He has come crying to me on several occasions about your laziness. If you don’t take care, it won’t end well.”
My husband was looking at my changed demeanour and was asking what the issue was. Until that day, I hadn’t had any issues with his mother. I respect her so much I deal with her with utmost reverence. When I hung up the call, I went to the bedroom and my husband followed. I told him everything with tears in my eyes. He said, “Don’t worry, I will talk to her myself but tomorrow, my sister will leave.”
I didn’t interfere. I was tired of her envy and backbiting. My husband was shouting at her, “What have you been telling Mom? You told her my wife was jobless? You’re not even smart. If you were, you would have known she works 24/7 on her laptop. Or you think she watches movies when she’s on her laptop? You’re leaving tomorrow. Get your things ready.”
After that, he called his mom. He was very patient and calm but you could hear his mom screaming on the phone. All my husband was saying was, “Mom is not true. She has been lying to you. I don’t even have a car so what are you talking about?”
The conversation didn’t go well. It looked like his mom cut the call before he could finish explaining himself. I told him not to send his sister away but should rather go home and explain things to his mother. He asked if I would go with him and I said no. He said he wasn’t going to leave me and his sister alone in the house. I assured him, “Don’t worry about me. I can handle her. I’m a woman.”
When my husband was gone over the weekend to handle his mom, I used the opportunity to educate his sister on what goes on in our home. I sat her down explaining every detail of our lives to her, including how we manage our finances and everything. I told her, “You’re not a child. You’ll marry one day and won’t be happy if this goes on in your house.”
She was calm but it didn’t look like she believed me. I knew she was set in her ways but I was happy to have told her my truth. My husband went on Saturday and called on Sunday morning that he was on his way coming. In the middle of the day, his mother called me, “It’s sad what you’ve turned my son into but know that it’s not going to be forever. You’re a woman. Do what women do, that’s the most important thing.”
“Do what women do”
What do women do? They give birth. We’ve been married for four years and don’t have children. That is also one of the decisions took. We agreed we would not have kids until three years after marriage. I was in school when we got married. My husband’s job at the time wasn’t paying that well. We wanted to put our house in order before the arrival of the kids. His mom didn’t know that so she thought I was not fertile. When my husband came I told him what his mother had said and he cried. He apologized to me and asked me not to take it in.
We woke up one morning and realized his sister was gone. Everything she owned wasn’t in her room. He called her but she didn’t pick up. He called his mom and his mom told him his sister was going home because she instructed her to. Since then, we haven’t known peace. His mom has made it clear to me that she doesn’t want to see me anywhere around her. Nothing should bring me to her house because she doesn’t recognize me as her in-law.
Everything goes from bad to worse. My husband’s cousin called me one day to ask what was going on and I explained everything to him. He told me not to take things lightly because the family was scheming against me. My husband thinks they can’t do anything so I should relax. I want to bring my parents into the issue, which will escalate everything. My mom is overly protective of us. If she gets to know this it will generate a huge feud but at this stage, I don’t mind. But my husband says I shouldn’t. I should rather trust him to handle his family.
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This issue has been going on for over seven months. It doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon. I’m the one they call to abuse. I’m the one they blame for everything. I don’t know what the future holds but what I’m experiencing now makes me scared of the future. What should I do on a personal level to calm down the waters?
—Priscilla
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I feel your pain Priscilla…am in a similar situation the only difference is that you are even lucky your husband supports you…at least he put his sister in her position….mine is the opposite he follows what his people say….but the truth is you can’t fight this matter alone…take it God and make sure you don’t retaliate to anything no matter how hurtful it may be and trust me God will win your case for you….they actually know the truth but can’t accept it so pray harder sis…I love you…am Priscilla too
Priscilla has said it all. Pray like your house is on fire.
Don’t take the negativity to heart. It will only sour your mood. Get your husband’s family head to have a sit down with his mother and you to smoke the peace pipe. If she refuses you have done your best and you will most probably have an ally in the family head. That should be sufficient support from his family, everybody else is inconsequential. If they will only call you to insult you, block their lines and any access to you. Ask your husband to prevent any of them to come to your house. Out of sight out of mind.
Dear Priscilla, first of all,sorry for bringing all this pain and sufferings upon yourself.
Whenever you sense danger and trouble looming,don’t ever pretend it’s okay and you can manage it especially if it’s a family issue. If you had sent her sister packing at the first instance,it wouldn’t have gotten to this level.lersnt to nib issues/problems in the bud rather than watering it to grow and then try to cut the tree down with a blunt axe.
Speak to your husband and workplace and change your number asap….this will prevent all and any access from your in-laws to you unless they pass through your husband which I know he won’t permit to happen.
You guys have been married for 3-4 and still waiting to get rich like Dangote before having kids and grow old whiles they are young????….smh…you guys should do all and everything to get the babies in the way now before those evil inlaws start their evil attacks from that side(talking from experience pls)
Finally,pray without ceasing because you are into war with them and they won’t relent !!!!!
Don’t ever involve anyone in your marriage issues,just pray together and believe and don’t delay the child bearing now ,it might be late …..
You don’t have anyone in his family who will be on your side so take it like that and don’t talk nor try explaining yourself or any issue with any member of your husband’s family,they will pretend now cos they will get something from you but will change their minds.keep the door closed in them and live your lives.
Pls Note : a happy married man as I type cos my family isn’t part of my Marriage neither is her family part of it and we don’t stress ourselves to win anyone’s favour !!!!
Prayer without works is nothing as said by the Bible!!!!
Please, from your write up, you and your husband agreed not to have kids for the first 3yrs… It’s now four years, please I think it’s about time you concentrate vigorously on the aspect of kids, it’s very necessary… We women have limited time when it comes to child bearing.. please and please again… Focus on that aspect my dear in order to seal bond of your marriage… The arrival of kids will solve the feud in your family
Your husband is failing you. No one should have the guts to abuse my wife, including my mother. Ask him to put his foot down! Where is the father-in-law all this time? This can only happen if the mother-in-law is a single mother.
Sister Priscilla all I can tell you is you can’t go about explaining to everyone. Just keep mute, talk less, pray more and if possible block all those who call to abuse you. Don’t let their words get to you. Pray more and with time the storms will calm down.
Funny how it’s almost always the husbands family thinking we the wives just lazy about and spend our husbands money anyhow. My case is different and how I handled it is different too. My husband is not in the country so I’m with our kids alone in our home 4 kids. His sister actually pleaded with me to talk to my husband so she could come and learn apprenticeship (nails). My husband and I have an understanding so if I’m ok so is he. This girl came and was / still calls me sister. She was doing everything Priscilla mentioned her sis in law was doing when she first came to her home. The difference is when she changed I didn’t care what she will report to her mother or family. I stopped her from doing anything in my house. I wouldn’t cook for her to eat either. I didn’t send her packing cos she’s not done with her apprenticeship yet but thankfully she will be done soon. I only called my Mum in law last Xmas cos I had to give her some money which she refused I only said ok and hanged up. No one has been able to call me. I’m not a disrespectful person far from that but I’m strict so both families don’t get involved in our marriage. If you and your husband have a mutual understanding and a strong bond then don’t let them get to you. Above all pray for your marriage.
Hmmm sorry for the trouble. Listen to this and think about it: Somone has had same problem, what they did was that, she and husband agree to do fake separation just to show to family without the wife, the husband can’t move well. The husband told his family they broke up, and there were happy. But they just changed address and the husband told the family he can’t rent and has to live with a friend. Anytime the husband is going to the family in the weekend, he made himself very ugly and poorly and they started realizing how helpful his wife was. He complain all the time that they distroy his family. Then he told the family 1day that he will renegotiate with his wife to come back. And they said, do what is good for you. Then both show up back again but with restrictions and the family Respect this time the wife. But pray pray pray a lot. Yours will be different.