After three years of dating, we were very sure we were going to get married. His mother called me “My in-law” His sisters were on my side in every situation. When I was with his family, they treated me as one of them. One day his father called me on the side and advised me to use my “woman power” to get him to marry me as soon as possible because he was getting old. I don’t know what he meant by “Woman power” but I told him I would try my best.

In my family, they welcomed him though my parents are not the kind of parents who go all out to support their children’s relationship. They prefer to throw their weight behind you after marriage. They did it to my brother. He brought his girlfriend home often but they told him not to until they were married. If you look at how they treated my brother and his girlfriend, you would think they were lenient on me and Kobby.

Everyone around us, including ourselves believed we were going to get married very soon so we started talking about the future as if it’s something that lived behind our house.

We talked about how many children we were going to have: he wanted three. I wanted two girls and two boys. We talked about where we would live. We both agreed we were going to live in Accra. We were going to buy a piece of land in our name and build a house we could call home.

We had everything figured out. I was only waiting for him to tell me, “I’m ready. Let’s go home.” I’d been ready since day one but you know, men take time to be ready.

My colleague at work hit a very hard time and decided to sell his land. He told everyone in the office but no one was interested. He came to me, “Hannah, even if you don’t like the land, try your best and give me a loan. I will pay back in no time.”

I didn’t have the kind of money he needed as a loan and I didn’t have the kind of amount he wanted for his piece of land. He was desperate. He said, “You can give me half and pay the rest in instalments.”

I don’t know what he saw in me but whenever he talked about his land, it was me he gave the details to.

I called Kobby. I told him about the land. He looked interested but also said he didn’t have the amount to pay for the whole thing. I told him he could pay half of the price and pay the rest in instalments. He asked me to give him time to think about it.

Days later, he came to tell me, “Why don’t we put resources together and purchase the land for the future? It’s in a good place and the price is good.”

I said yes to his proposal. There was nothing I wouldn’t do when it came to our future. I made arrangements with my colleague and the three of us met. We paid him half of the amount and told him we would spread the rest in six months.

He agreed and gave us the papers. Kobby contributed fifty per cent of the amount and I also contributed the rest of the fifty. We gave him six months but we paid up in four months, did the change of ownership and put our names on the documents. My name appears first before Kobby’s.

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If I wasn’t sure about our future, the purchase of the land took away all the doubts and gave me this total conviction that we were made for greater things. Though our beginning was small, we were meant to grow into bigger things in the future.

Six months later, Kobby wants out of the relationship. Three years have gone down the drain. We even celebrated our third anniversary on a trip. Nothing showed we were heading south. There were no cracks or shaky moments. We were all good until we were no longer good.

I told his mom about it. She shouted, “Men!” and shook her head. She didn’t give me any hope that she could talk her son out of his decision. I discussed it with his sisters. They took the matter up but they couldn’t do much.

“Kobby, where did I go wrong? Just tell me so I know what to do.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. The fault is all mine but please forgive me.”

“Is it about another woman? What is she giving you that I haven’t been able to give you? Tell me and I will match it.”

“Another woman? What for? If I’m leaving someone as perfect as you, what would I need another woman for? There a lot of things going on.”

He didn’t tell me what those lot of things were. We went to and fro for over weeks. He wouldn’t tell me so I gave up. You can’t force a man to do what a man doesn’t want to do. I cut my losses and decided to move on with my life.

One day he asked what we were going to do with the land. I told him my mind wasn’t in a good place to think about it so he should give me some time.

He came back a few weeks later. He called and texted. I didn’t respond to any of that. At some point I blocked him. He called with another line, “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me again but let’s resolve this land issue so we both go our way and not come back again.”

I asked what he wanted and he told me he wanted to pay me off so he could own the land. I responded, “That’s exactly what I want too and I think I deserve it because I brought up the land  idea.”

For two months we argued our case. He said no. The documents were and still are with me. I wasn’t ready to let him have it. He said I was using the land to get at him. Finally, we decided to sell it and split the money.

Two days later, he brought a guy who he said was ready to pay us in full. I looked at the guy. Something wasn’t right. He looked like he was hiding something. He couldn’t look into my eyes. When I asked his name, he fumbled. I got the trick. Kobby was bringing the guy as a buyer but in actual sense, he was the one going to buy it.

I told him I also had a buyer. “But we already have a buyer?” He asked. I answered, “This one I have here wants to pay more.” He screamed, “We already have a buyer and we are going to stick to that one.”

We argued that one out. He’s not ready to go with my buyer and I’m not ready to go with his buyer. He asked, “Why are you doing this?” I responded, “I’m doing this for the same reason you’re doing it.” He said, “Then let’s split the land into two and share it.” I told him I didn’t want a neighbour like him.

“Maybe you want to go to court,” he said. I responded, “Maybe we’ll get a better settlement there. Let’s try that.”

He hasn’t called for weeks. I’m not trying to get at him or using this as a revenge but I won’t let him have it.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

He had my heart and played with it. He won’t play with this one when I was the one who brought the land into our relationship. Some of my friends are saying I should take it as ex-gratia. I believe the way Kobby treated me, if he was sensible enough, he would let me have it as a consolation. He’s not ready to be human and I’m not ready to let go. Maybe the court would decide.

—Hannah

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