My last relationship before this current one ended when I wrote my last paper at the university. My then-boyfriend and I couldn’t keep the relationship working after our graduation and it died naturally. After him, I met Patrick during my national service in Koforidua. He was already working in the institution I was posted to. I don’t actually remember how we became friends but suddenly we were going home together after work. And then we would stay on the phone for very long hours talking about anything that comes to mind. I liked his personality and how mature he sounded anytime we spoke. 

After almost a year, my national service was coming to an end and there was no sign that the institution would retain me. By then Patrick and I had gotten so close that I was worried I would lose him if I returned to Accra. In one of our evening calls, Patrick told me about a scholarship scheme that the institution offers to young entrepreneurs who want to pursue a venture in agriculture. He asked, “Will you be interested in applying for the program?” I replied, “Yes, at least that will keep me engaged after national service before I land a white-collar job.” 

He helped me to prepare my CV and put in my application. He also spoke to a few people he knew at the head office to help consider my application. One afternoon, I got a call from our head office. The caller told me, “You have been selected for this year’s entrepreneurship program. To secure your place, come to Accra next week for your letter and onboarding.” He also mentioned that as part of the program, we will be going for a three-month capability-building training in Spain, so I needed to start working on my travel documents. The phone call left me in a better mood than it found me. I broke the news to Patrick, and he was so excited.  

We had a little celebration, just the two of us. It was that same evening that he asked me to be his girlfriend. His proposal came as no surprise to me, so I gladly said yes to him. When the time came, I went to Spain as promised by the program advisors. It was during our trip that I got the idea to establish a mango juice processing business. I informed Patrick about my plans and he was excited and very interested in it. When I returned from Spain, I decided to put my dreams into reality. We started with the little money I made during the trip and Patrick also invested hugely in it. We registered a company with the two of us as directors. He facilitated getting FDA approval for the commercial sale of our products. 

Everything seemed to be moving smoothly for us until I went through his phone when I visited him at home. I noticed he was still interacting with his ex. I couldn’t get a full picture of their chat. And what I read wasn’t anything serious. Prior to that, I had never really bothered to find out how his previous relationship ended. To clear my doubt of anything I asked him to tell me what happened to his previous relationship. He confirmed to me that, they didn’t really break up but got separated through a minor misunderstanding. I didn’t have any reason to believe that he was still involved with her, so I let that chapter slide by.  

Like most couples, we have had our fair share of arguments. However, the nature of our arguments is what I’m concerned about. They get so heated that after we are done, Patrick tells me; “This is what I am talking about. You don’t make me happy anymore.” After one such argument, we went for days without talking to each other. During this period, Patrick got promoted and never bothered to even tell me about it. He rather went about happily sharing the news with his other female friends.  

While our relationship was experiencing a series of storms, our business was and continues to sail smoothly. We are even currently busy expanding our factory to increase our production. We have also hired other workers to support us as I’m not always available in Koforidua. I have gotten a job in Accra so I am mostly in Accra during the weekdays and only go to Koforidua on Weekends to supervise and audit the week’s proceeds from the business.  

Right now, I suspect my boyfriend is cheating on me with one of our female workers. Why am I saying this? I called Patrick one day around 9:00 PM and heard the voice of this lady in his room. I asked him, “What is our employee doing in your room by this time of the night?” “As you said, she is our employee. We are discussing the business.” I didn’t believe him so I went through his phone when I got the chance. His call log was filled with calls from this very employee. Meanwhile, her position in the organization doesn’t require that they communicate regularly. This is making me uncomfortable. To add to that, I went over to Patrick’s place one of the weekends and saw a used emergency contraceptive in his room. I asked him about it and all he could say was; “I don’t know where it came from. Maybe it belongs to one of my male friends. It must have dropped out of their pocket when they came to visit.” Of course, I d but his explanation but what proof did I have that he was lying? 

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After everything we are going through, Patrick started talking to me about marriage in December last year. There are so many unresolved issues between us. This is making me uncertain about marrying him. Anytime he brings up the marriage topic I tell him I am not ready for marriage yet. Which is the truth. I really am not yet ready for marriage. I am planning on starting my master’s degree this year and I am not too sure I can combine that with marriage. However, he doesn’t understand.  

He keeps using the fact that we are running a business together as bait to coerce me into the marriage. Last month, Patrick called my dad and made arrangements with him to come with his family to perform the knocking rites. He never consulted me before making that move. When my dad called to tell me, I sounded very shocked, so he asked if everything was ok between us. I didn’t want to draw attention to the problems in our relationship so I said; “Yes, everything is fine. I am just so happy that this is finally happening.” Later, I confronted Patrick and all he could say was, “You were not certain about your decision so I took the first step hoping that you will come along.” I was not happy but I played along to have the knocking rites done. I’m still not certain in my mind and heart to proceed further with the marriage ceremony. I want to leave this relationship but I feel trapped because of the investment we both made in the business. I don’t know what to do now, please advise me. 

—Akosua

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