He has apologized several times. Each time I told him I had forgiven him. I meant it when I said the words the first time. And no matter how many times he has said sorry now, my mind hasn’t changed. I have still forgiven him. I am just not sure if I want him back in my life. I try to explain this to him but he doesn’t seem to understand. “How can you say you’ve forgiven me but you won’t take me back? It means you are still angry about what I did,” he says.
Trust is very important to me in a relationship. I believe that as a couple we can conquer every mountain together as long as we trust each other. I know you’ve got my back, and you know I am looking out for you, that kind of thing.
This was the energy I had when I started this relationship. In my mind, he was my last stop. When he was proposing, he said he wanted marriage. I am also at a place where I don’t want to be played or toyed with. I want stability. So I was sure that we were on the same page.
He is very kind, lovely, and present for me. All of these are good. There was another thing I saw in him that didn’t please me much. It has to do with girls. He was always chatting with one girl somewhere. Whenever I asked who she was he would say, “Babe, she is my ex.” Another time it would be another girl. That one too, he would say the person is an ex.
I didn’t like all this ex, ex, business. The last thing I want is to marry a man who is still in love with his ex. Usually, those exes hang around and become a part of your marriage. So I told him, “Whatever unfinished business you have with your exes, finish it and close their chapter so we can have our fresh start.” He said he no longer has anything to do with them. He swore heaven and earth that I was the one for him. “There’s no one else in this picture but me and you,” he declared.
Unbeknownst to me, he had another lady in the picture. I didn’t know about her at first. He was the one who acted in a way that was suspicious. We were together when a particular number called him. He always answers his calls but that day he chose not to. I asked who the caller was and he lied.
The person called again but Dennis refused to answer the phone. The caller also kept calling until I got fed up and said to him; “Whoever keeps calling you must have something important to say. Answer the call and hear them out.” He said no but I pushed him until he finally picked up.
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I don’t know if it was for my benefit but he told the person, “Please, I am with my wife. Never call me again.” That was all the proof I needed to know that it was one of his girls. I didn’t confront him though. I just kept my suspicions to myself.
That night I saw him in my dream making out with another girl. When I woke up the next morning I told him, “I saw everything you did with the girl in my dream. All the positions you two did, God revealed it to me.” I hadn’t seen that much but I just said it to test him.
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I didn’t think it would work but by God’s grace, he confessed to sleeping with the lady. It happened two days before I went to see him. “I didn’t plan to do it, you have to believe me. I saw her and something came over me. We finished before I realized what I had done. Forgive me,” he pleaded. My concern is, that we are only two months into the relationship yet he is already falling into temptation. What kind of future do we have in store for us if this is our beginning?
This is what he has been apologizing for. I felt hurt and betrayed at first but now I am okay. Truly, I have forgiven him. The problem is, what do I do with the broken trust? I don’t want to feel insecure in the relationship, constantly wondering what he is doing or who he is talking to. It’s too much stress. That’s why I want to move on so he also finds another person. It’s the best thing for everyone but he says I am being hard on him. Guys, is he right?
— Gladys
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No you are not. Spare yourself the headache and heartache! It’s either he is a prolific liar or a loose zipper. Either way you are better off without him. Hopefully, this experience will help him be a better person in his next relationship but with you he is bound to repeat it.
You getting married or continuing this relationship will be a punishment to yourself indirectly because of trust issues. Run away as fast as you.
Let’s flip the tables.
You cheated and you asked for forgiveness from him. And oh you cheated just once. What do you think will be his reaction?
We know most men do no forgive cheating yet, they want to be forgiven. Should you be on the other side of this table, oga would have kicked you out just on the basis of having a platonic male friend.
If this is truly a non-negotiable for you, do the needful and go.
He won’t stop and can’t stop.
And no, you’re not being hard. You’re staying true to your values of trust and fidelity in a relationship.
The best is to give him DISTANCE