Although Chris comes from Akwa Ibom State, he lives in Lagos for work. He only comes home when he is on a break. That happens to be the only time we get to spend time together as a couple. I haven’t gone to see him at his place in Lagos since he asked me out in December 2023. We agreed that he would be the one who comes home.

That arrangement has worked for us so far. If you had asked me to describe our relationship a few months ago I would’ve said, “The relationship has been solid right from the moment it began.”

I never had any reason to doubt his intentions. He showed me through his actions that I am the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

He introduced me to his family when he felt it was time for me to meet them. They all loved me. His mother especially. She kept talking about how happy she would be if we got married soon.

“Chris, I want to register you two for counselling to fast-track the marriage process,” she proposed.

We were all euphoric at the time so everything she said was met with, “Yes ma, go ahead. We will love it very much.”

Later, Chris went ahead and signed us up for counselling without involving his mother.

During one of our sessions, he learned something that made him ask questions about my family background.

I was surprised when he asked, “Do you have step-siblings?”

I never told him about that side of my family so how did he know? Regardless, I told him the truth. I spoke about the siblings I had who didn’t share both parents with me and my other siblings.

He was satisfied that the answer I gave him aligned with the response he got from whatever background checks he did on me.

According to him, the counsellor also told him that we were compatible and could build a happy future together.

I expected our bond to grow stronger after that but Chris’s behavior shifted. He became distant. He stopped talking to me as much as he used to. On days I miraculously got hold of him he sounded as if he didn’t want to talk to me.

It felt as though I was forcing him to pay attention to me. This was very painful for my heart.

When I tried to address the shift in his energy, it ended in a major fight between us.

He said things that hurt me deeply.

I also said things to him that I am not proud of.

After all the outrage, and tempers cooled down, I sent him a message apologizing for my part in the fight.

All he had to do was also apologize for his part so that peace would be restored, no? Well, Chris chose to hold a grudge.

“You have a very bad character,” he accused me, “When you finish then you turn around and act like the victim.”

No matter what I said to bring peace between us, he wouldn’t listen. So I decided to give him space.

I hoped some time apart would bring him back to my side but when I called him after a few days, he sounded cold and uninterested in talking to me.

I asked if we could meet in person to talk, but he told me, “I am not in town currently. And I will appreciate it if you don’t call me again.”

Just like that?

Out of frustration, I blocked his number and all his social media accounts.

To my surprise, he came back later and said he would come and see me so we talk things out.

I agreed but since then, our conversations haven’t been the same. They feel strained and unnatural.

At this point, I’m beginning to lose interest in him. It feels like he’s no longer genuinely interested in me either. I don’t know if things have changed this much because he found something else during his checks into my family. Or if the problem is indeed me.

I keep asking myself, “Am I overreacting to his attitude? Is he right that I have a bad character?”

I’ve done my best to be supportive and honest with him about everything throughout the relationship, but now he is making me feel I am not enough.

– Miss Jane