This past Mother’s Day, I went out of my way to get something nice for my mother-in-law. A beautiful cloth. Naturally, I am a generous person. I like giving gifts when I want someone I care about to feel appreciated. One thing that motivates me to keep being thoughtful is when someone shows or tells me the gift I picked out for them meant something special. Then I know that my efforts were not in vain.

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I was excited when I chose a fabric and print I was sure my mother-in-law would love. I wanted her to feel seen and appreciated in a way that communicated that she was loved. My husband saw the cloth and said it was nice. We went to her house to see her and delivered my gift.

She took it, gave me a half-smile, and said, “Thank you.”

Sure, I didn’t expect her to jump up and down with excitement just because I got her a gift. Nonetheless, her reaction was a bit anticlimactic for my liking.

Culturally, I was taught to say thank you when someone gives me a gift, and then say thank you again the next morning. I am used to this, so I expected my mother-in-law to call me the next morning and say something, but I heard nothing from her.

This gave me the impression that she didn’t like my gift, but I dismissed my own thoughts, saying I was overthinking. Well, I found out a few days ago that I wasn’t.

She called my husband and casually told him she didn’t like the cloth.

“She wants to return it to you,” my husband said.

That’s not all. She expects us to give her money to buy a piece of cloth she likes. I couldn’t speak. I just stood there, stunned. It’s one thing to reject a gift, but to ask for money to buy what you like after rejecting it just seemed extreme to me.

I turned to my husband and said, “This is the last time I’m going out of my way to do something for your mother.” He looked at me as if I was overreacting. He didn’t understand why I was upset.

The thing is, this isn’t the first time she’s made me feel unappreciated.

One time, she came over unannounced. After greeting me, she walked straight to the kitchen and started opening pots and looking through my stuff. Then she went to the bathroom and looked around. As if she was inspecting the place to see if I was running my home to her standards. I didn’t say a word. I cooked, she ate, and then she left.

My mother came to live with us when I had our baby. Her presence helped me transition into the changes that come with being a new mum. We were all at peace until my mother-in-law showed up at the house on the day of the naming ceremony.

Right there in front of everyone, she criticized my mum. According to her, “The baby’s head doesn’t look right. Your mother is not bathing him well.” Then she boiled water and bathed the baby, even though I kept telling her my mother had already done it.

I felt so bad that I ended up crying. I didn’t understand why she chose to disrespect my mother that way. It was my father-in-law who consoled me that day. Honestly, he is the only one in that family who treats me with respect and makes me feel I belong with them.

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My mother-in-law, on the other hand, never misses the chance to throw subtle jabs at me. She has made remarks about my cooking and shown disregard for the things I do out of love.

Regardless, I kept showing up with kindness. I hoped that if I was patient enough with her, she would come to respect me, but I have seen that it won’t happen.

I Was Fine Until I Was Alone In My Room


So I have decided to choose my peace of mind. I’ll keep being a good person, but from a distance. I’m done pouring into someone who keeps emptying my cup without a second thought.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? How did you handle it?

— Reba

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