All my life, I stayed away from relationships. When I got to the age when my colleagues were admiring girls, I didn’t bother. Every time I thought of giving my attention to someone I heard my mother’s advice in my head, “Dick, stay away from girls if you want to go far in life. When you become successful, you will meet a good woman of your choice.” This advice guided me through the university. I never dated or attempted to fall in love until I completed school.

It was when I started my national service that Ella caught my eye. She is a sweet lady with so much positive vibe. That is what drew me to her. As we got close I fell in love with her. She said she loved me too. But there was a problem. She had a boyfriend.

She told me, “My boyfriend is not the right man for me. He has refused to do honest work for a living. He is an internet fraudster. And he is always smoking weed. I cannot spend the rest of my life with him.” She went on to say that I am the one she wants to be with. “I believe I have a better future with you than I do with him,” she concluded.

I remember telling her, “If you are sure you want me then break up with your boyfriend and let’s be together.” It was difficult for her to leave him. She explained that they had been together for five years so it wouldn’t be easy to just walk away from him. I was disappointed. How could she say she loves me but not choose me? I couldn’t have her as my friend knowing very well that I wanted more so I advised myself and stayed away from her.

One month later, she came back to me; “I couldn’t live my life without you. I realized you are the one I would rather not lose. So I am here. He is no longer in the picture. I choose you.” I wasn’t fully convinced that she was over him, but I was still in love with her. I also missed her so much. So I gave her the benefit of the doubt and we got together.

For two years, I was in heaven. She is my first love and everything I have ever wanted in a woman. I also did my best to be the best man for her. I was even determined that she would be the only woman I would ever love. When I thought about marriage, I only thought of her. When I imagined myself as a father, I saw her next to me as the mother of my children. Everything we shared pointed to the fact that we could have the future I always wanted. Alas, heeding my mother’s advice paid off.

One day she called that she had something to tell me. I was in the middle of something but she sounded very distressed, so I dropped everything I was doing and gave her my undivided attention. “You know you can tell me everything,” I urged her, “whatever the problem is, we will figure it out together.”

It took her a moment before she blurted out the words, “I am sorry to say this to you but I am still in love with my ex. I have tried to get him out of my system but it’s not working.” I instantly felt my heart skip a beat. My breathing got heavy as I uttered the words, “You mean you’ve been in love with your ex for these two years we’ve been together?” She said yes and that she was sorry.

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To say that I was hurt is an understatement. The only thing I could say was, “I can’t be with a lady who still has feelings for her ex so let’s break up. Maybe we are not meant to be.” She agreed and we ended things.

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After the breakup, she got a visa to travel to Canada. I was happy for her as she pursued a new adventure. Once in a while, she would call and apologize for all the ways she hurt me. I forgave her long ago. So I always tell her, “Let’s forget about the past and move on.” And we communicate very well whenever she calls.

Just the other day she called to tell me, “Dick, I still love you. Is there a chance we can get back together?” Once again, I’m not really convinced about her love, but I still have some small love for her. I don’t know if I should give her another chance after everything she has done in the past, or if I should just move on.

Guys, please I need your advice.

—Dickson

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