I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend since 2021. At that time she was trying to go to school. She applied to some schools that year but didn’t get in. It was in 2023 that she finally gained admission. By then so much had happened in our relationship. But before I get into it, I will talk about how we began.

When we first met, I had nothing. Most Nigerian women would shy away from a man like me. A man who has nothing to offer his woman except himself. However, my girlfriend was not bothered. Rather, she became my support. When money became a problem for me, she provided. When I was discouraged and felt I couldn’t make it, she pumped me with hope.

Just like me, she is not perfect. I know that but I also know that her good side outweighs her flaws. How could I not see her for the helper she is? This is someone who holds me down in many ways; physically, financially, materially, and emotionally. She was the woman I envisioned spending the rest of my life with. I mean, if she was with me during my hard times then surely, I must take good care of her when things get better for me.

She was all I had until I ran into my first love somewhere in 2022. This lady and I dated in 2013 during our high school days. We were too young to understand love and relationships. Most of our interactions were more friendship-related than romance-inclined. That was all we knew. Back then, I was serious about her but after school, she moved to her village with her family. With no means to remain in touch, our relationship came to an end.

I didn’t think I would meet her again until that fateful run-in in 2022. She looked good, filled out in all the places she didn’t use to have flesh. She was more woman than girl, and I found myself drawn to her. I would say nostalgia influenced our excitement.

We started talking after that day. In the beginning, it was just harmless trips down memory lane. “Do you remember that one time when you…” we would say as we dived into the silly things we did as kids. It was fun. So fun that we started filling each other in about what we became in each other’s absence. The more we talked, the more lines blurred.

One day she asked me if I had a girlfriend. I did not lie. “Yes, I have an amazing woman who owns my heart. You should meet her soon. You two will like each other,” I stated matter-of-factly. After we spoke at length about my girlfriend and my relationship, I asked; “What about you? Do you have someone?” She also admitted that she was not single. “My boyfriend is in the village where my parents live,” she told me as she explained that she had to relocate to the city because of her job as a nurse.

After all that talk about our partners, she and I started dating. We told ourselves it was just for fun but along the line, the nature of our relationship changed. We became serious as I grew to develop strong feelings for her. This affected my relationship with my girlfriend.

One time my girlfriend met her at my house. I introduced her as someone I used to date but my girl wasn’t buying it. She suspected there was more between us. She would bring her up in conversations to start a fight. She got insecure, and those insecurities led her to move in with me. The timing was perfect for her. She had gained admission to a school that was not far from where I lived. So she used that as an excuse.

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Ever since she came to live with me, she and the other lady have been fighting over me. They want me to choose between them. Just like my girlfriend, the other lady has also helped me in so many ways. She has provided great emotional and financial support. This makes me believe I am blessed, or just plain lucky. The fact that the two women in my life choose me even when things get hard for me is something I don’t take lightly. That’s why I find it difficult to choose one.

Another reason I can’t make a decision between the two is that each of the women has gotten pregnant for me on three occasions and got rid of the pregnancies. No matter whom I choose, I would be a bad person in the other one’s eyes. Even my conscience will judge me. I will feel I wronged the one I did not end up with.

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While I am contemplating this dilemma, my girlfriend is pregnant again. This time around she insists on keeping it. She has asked me to leave the other lady. The other lady has also asked me to leave my girlfriend and marry her. Once again, I don’t want to hurt anyone. They have both made sacrifices for me. What if karma comes for me after I have settled with one?

I think about all the pregnancies they terminated and I worry that they might curse me. Or worse, one of them will say I destroyed her womb. I am in a mess of my own making but I need a way out. Whom do I choose now? And how do I let the other one down easy so she doesn’t go through life feeling bitter against me or men in general? Please, show me a way out of this maze.

— Weezy, Imo State

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