I got scared when I read about the story of the lady who complained that her boyfriend’s joystick is too big for her. I am in a similar situation but I’m not sure if I am the problem or my husband is. This is what I am dealing with.

My husband and I dated for six years but we never got intimate. He wanted to do it but I didn’t allow it. It was one of my ground rules when I accepted his proposal. “I am from a Christian home. My parents have drummed into my ears continuously that sex before marriage is the same as the forbidden fruit. So I intend to wait until marriage so that I can do it the way God intended it to be,” I told him. He explained that he had amassed years of experience exploring his sexuality with lots of women in the past. However, he would wait until marriage to do it with me.

I was happy that I had met someone who wouldn’t put pressure on me to break my rules. Because the kind of talk my parents gave us took root in my heart. Every morning and evening they would tell us, “It is a bad thing for a man who has not married you to touch you.” So I was very afraid of what would happen if I disobeyed them.

My husband, who was then my boyfriend respected my rule for about a year. After a year he started complaining that he has suffering. Whenever I was alone with him he would try to make moves. I would object. He would plead, “Please let me do just one.” I knew he wouldn’t stop after tasting it so I held on to my virtue with everything I had in me.

I remember when I visited him during his youth service and I had to spend a few days with him. He put a lot of pressure on me so I allowed him to kiss me. But when he tried to go down I pushed him away. He begged me with all his might. He just wanted to do it once that night but I refused.

I was afraid that if I did it my parents would find out and be disappointed in me. What was more terrifying was the thought of an unplanned pregnancy. Oh no! I couldn’t face my family if that happened. Above all, I wondered how God would feel about me if I fornicated. These thoughts helped me stand my ground every time he came begging.

We were on it until we finally started planning our marriage. We were both happy that we were finally going to have each other. I believe the happiest moment for me that day was when my father handed me over to my husband. He blessed us that we will give birth to wonderful children. And all I could think about was the fact that I would have sex with my husband without thinking about disappointing my parents.

By the time the ceremony was over we were so tired. We couldn’t travel to our place so we spent the night at his parents’ house. I prepared myself the best way a bride would prepare for her groom on her wedding night. When the time came for us to finally get to work he shook his head. He said, “I have waited to this for so long but I am not going to do it in my parents’ house. It’s not the right atmosphere. Let’s wait till we get home.” Well, I didn’t see that coming but I took it in good faith.

The next day I had to return to where I worked because I still had two weeks before I could resign officially and move to his place. He also travelled back to his place the next day. On my way to go and handle my business, we started talking about shuperu. He told me about all the things he would do to me. I also looked forward to finally getting intimate with him.

I did some research on sex positions so I could explore things with him. We talked more about our fantasies and desires every day for two weeks. Then I wrapped up everything and moved to his place. We were both excited to see each other and also, to start practicing everything we discussed on the phone. I was shy to undress in his presence but he made me do it.

We tried everything we could that night but he couldn’t break my hymen. All his attempts had me grunting in pain. Even his finger couldn’t enter me. I started thinking that something was terribly wrong with me, and it scared me. However, he assured me that things were difficult because it was my first time.

The next day I made a phone call to my friend who also got married as a virgin. She also assured me that there was nothing wrong with me, and advised that we get a lubricant. I told my husband about it and we went searching for the lubricant my friend recommended.

After we got home, I was nervous to try again but I fought it. We started all over again but it was still painful. He told me to use my own finger first. I tried it and felt a sharp pain but it went inside. After it entered we agreed that I use his finger too. I tried and pushed it through. His finger is fatter than mine so the pain was a lot. The next thing we tried was his joystick. That one couldn’t go inside at all.

Every time we tried it, I would shout until he stopped. He said he also felt a lot of pain. So I suggested we seek medical attention. Everything I expected couldn’t be met. I even started saying that shuperu is overrated. “It’s not overrated. Once we get through the barrier you will enjoy it,” he promised me.

We went together to talk to a family doctor. He explained that I have a thick hymen so we should do it in a very relaxed environment and we should engage in a lot of foreplay before any penetration.

Immediately after the chat with the doctor, my husband booked a hotel and we moved there. We tried to practice everything the doctor said but we didn’t make much progress the first night. Unfortunately, he got a call from his work to resume the next day. He had to travel for three weeks. This made him angry but he had to go anyway.

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Before he left he begged me to use my finger every day so that it would be easier for him when he returned. I woke up every morning and went online to search for how to disvirgin a woman without causing her pain. I practiced almost everything I learned there including touching myself every morning. I did so many exercises before my husband came back. I was ready, I believed.

When he got home we began our battle again. We tried almost every night but he couldn’t go beyond where he stopped at the hotel. I tried to push him to go further but it was just too painful. My husband is not happy with what is going on. He said it hurts him to cause me pain.

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I think about it every day. I keep asking myself why it is so hard for him to break through. Is my husband’s joystick too big? I don’t know of any other size so I can’t tell. Or am I the one who is too small? I don’t know what the problem is. We are still battling with it as I am writing my story.

I hope someone can tell us another thing we can do differently to have our breakthrough once and for all. We’ve been married for two months now but we haven’t consummated our union. Please, help us out.

—Grace 

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