Growing up, my mother was the best woman in the world to me. When it came to wives too, I considered my dad a lucky man to be married to a woman like her. She was all things homely. The kind of woman written about in Proverbs 31. She was respectful of my dad and submissive to him. I think with her, instead of using submission, I would use the word subservient. When it comes to hard work, and being resourceful, she is number one.

My siblings and I knew our dad was present at home but he was not the parent we went to when we needed something. If we were hungry, “Talk to Mama.” If we needed new clothes, “Tell Mama.” If they sacked us for school fees, “Ask Mama for the money.” Everything we needed to survive as children, our mother provided it.

Nobody told us anything about our father’s finances or the role he played in our lives. We just knew that he was another mouth for our mum to feed. Just as she provided our needs, she provided his too. He wasn’t giving her money to take care of the home like most of our friends’ dads did. All he did was take, take, and take from her. The only thing he ever gave her back was emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. Did I forget to mention the physical aspect of his abuse? Oh, he dealt her blows and slaps as if she was an inanimate object not bound to feel pain.

Us kids saw all of it. It’s not as if we were spared from the torrents of his tantrums anyway. She endured his irresponsible and abusive behaviour until I got to JHS1. That was when she decided that she couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t take us along when she decided to leave. That was what made a part of me sad. The other part was happy that she would no longer endure my father. I want to believe it was the first time I ever experienced mixed feelings about a situation.

In her absence, I worried that our father would take out his frustration on all of us, especially me. However, I only suffered a knock on the head once in the two weeks we stayed with him. At the end of the two weeks, he sent us to our mum under the pretense of traveling. He said he would return for us in a week’s time. That was the end of our stay with him.

Later, we found out that he didn’t travel. Neither did he attempt to come back for us. He never sent money for our upkeep. I know this because even he, says this. Despite all this, my mum never vilified him to us. Things were difficult for us but not once did she insult him out of frustration. We never saw her going to look for him to create a scene just to get him to take care of his children. She believed in leaving everything to God.

READ ALSO: I Left My Baby Mama For Her. Now, She Is Leaving Me For Another Man.

Recently, I asked her why she never insulted him to us. She replied, “If I insult him or tell you that your father is a bad person, then I would be punishing him. That would only exclude him from the proper punishment that the higher powers will mete out to him for his misbehaviour. It is all in God’s hands.” The other reason she gave me for not insulting him was that she didn’t want to be reminded of him by talking about him.

When I look back at everything she went through to take care of us, I am more than proud to call her my mum. When our dad decided that he was done taking care of us, she did not give up on us. She chose us and took care of us selflessly. There were days when we had nothing to eat. She put her pride aside and begged for food so we could have something to eat.

She Took My ATM And Stole Money From My Account


Although we are all grown now and independent, we still call her our warrior queen. We know she will go to battle any day for our sake. She is our heroine because she went above and beyond when it came to carrying out her duty as a mother. She is our first love because she taught us that the test of true love is one’s willingness to sacrifice their comfort for the ones they love. She is the reason I treat others with kindness and empathy. And also the reason we don’t accept less than we are worth when it comes to love.

I have learned life lessons from her marriage to my dad, especially, when it comes to enduring abuse in the name of love. I am just sharing this story to honour her, and hopefully, someone in an abusive marriage or relationship will learn a thing or two from my mum. Until you decide to walk away, the abuse will never cease.

— Agnes

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