Three Years Later, My Fiancé Is Still Studying Me For Marriage

When I met Kwame in 2012, I had just completed SHS. He told me he was divorced. He had a daughter with his ex-wife before their marriage fell apart. And the little girl lived with her mother. I was twenty-two at the time so I was mature enough to be his friend. I lived in Accra while he lived in the Eastern Region but we took turns visiting each other.

Along the line, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I liked him so I said yes. Things were incredibly good between us. He treated me well just as I treated him with love and respect. During that time, he used to have conversations about his daughter and I loved her so much. I was totally okay with being her stepmother.

A year into the relationship, Kwame got the opportunity to travel to the USA to join his mother. I also moved to a different region. The changes in our lives made it impossible for us to maintain open lines of communication. That’s how the relationship fizzled out. We didn’t have any problems. We just lost touch with each other. I felt disappointed but I moved on.

I went into a few relationships but they didn’t work out. None of them were my Kwame. My parents are also in the States. So somewhere in 2020, we started making preparations for me to join them. The plan was for me to marry an American citizen, and ride on that to travel there to be with him. It was supposed to be a contract marriage.

Just around this time, Kwame reached out to me on Facebook. I was shocked that he still remembered me after seven years. The first question he asked me was, “Are you married?” I shook my head, “I have gone into a few relationships but they all didn’t work out so I am still single.” I also asked if he had remarried. He answered, “I am also like you. I have only had failed relationships.”

Seeing as we already knew each other, he didn’t waste time asking me to marry him. It was going to be a long-distance relationship but he said we could make it work. Before anything he asked me, “Why are you not making plans to join your parents in the US?” It was that time I mentioned the contract marriage we were working on.

As soon as I divulged this information he said, “Why would you want to pay money to marry a total stranger for a few years, when I want to marry you for love, and you won’t pay me for it?” He said he would file a fiancée visa for me if I agreed to his proposal. Since our families lived there, we would get married after I arrived in the States.

His plan sounded like a better plan so I spoke to my family and convinced them to cancel the contract marriage arrangement. I was so happy that Kwame came back into my life that I chose him in a heartbeat.

A year after we got back together he came to Ghana with his mother for a visit. I got to meet her and she loved me so much that after they returned she called me. She said, “Akua, I love you as I do my own daughter. So let me tell you something my son has been keeping from you. I have tried my best to get him to open up to you but he won’t budge. I also cannot allow his deception to continue so here it is; “Kwame doesn’t just have a daughter. He has another baby mama and they have two children together.”

I was confused, “Mama are you telling me he has three children? I don’t believe that. Kwame knows I don’t have a problem with being a stepmother so why would he lie about the number of children he has?” His mother just encouraged me to confront him so I’d hear the truth from him.

When I asked him he didn’t lie. He said, “I didn’t know how you would handle the truth, and I couldn’t stand to lose you either.” I felt so betrayed. He gave me false information that would have affected my decision to be with him. Besides, I already told my parents about him. They know he has a daughter so how will I go back and tell them that everything he told me about himself wasn’t true and that his children are three?

He pleaded for forgiveness until I decided to let things go. The plan was that he would file for my visa and I will join him. Then we would tell my parents about his other children before we get married. It was a good plan so we started putting it into place.

When Kwame filed for my visa, it didn’t go through. There was missing information. I asked him and he said he forgot to add his tax number so he’d fix it. Later he came back, “I am sorry but I can’t input my tax number. I am owing some taxes so it will put me into trouble. This means I can’t continue with the visa process for you.” Once again, Kwame surprised me.

I asked why he allowed me to cancel the contract marriage when he knew that he had tax problems. My parents were also unhappy with him. But my father got over his anger long enough to suggest that we continue with our marriage plans. Luckily, he visited Ghana around that time. So Kwame’s people came to see him and performed my knocking rites.

It’s been a year since the knocking rites have been performed but no wedding bells are ringing. I am still here in Ghana. When I asked Kwame what was going on, he got angry. My dad asked me about the holdup and I asked him to talk to my fiancé. When he spoke to Kwame, this guy told my dad; “Marriage is a long road so you have to take your time and study each other properly before you get married.”

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My father was furious. He didn’t understand why after all these years, Kwame said he was still studying me. When he told me about it, I was also very upset. I called Kwame to apologize to my dad for what he said, but he wouldn’t do it. He even told me that if I meet someone ready to marry me I should marry the person.

My parents decided that if he wasn’t ready to marry me then we should return his knocking drinks to his family so I can move on.

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The problem is, two months ago Kwame reached out with apologies for his behavior. He said he wants us to resolve the problems so we can go ahead and prepare for the marriage. I have asked him to apologize to my father first before we talk about our future. He agreed to do it but two months have passed and he hasn’t done it. My dad too is insisting that we return their knocking drinks.

After everything that has happened, I don’t know if I should give Kwame more time to do the needful or if I should just do what my dad wants and return the drinks. Please advise me.

—Akua