This Verb Called Love—Hmmm

The first time I saw Linda, her arm was clasped under the armpit of Ben as he pulled her along, the way married couples do during their wedding procession. She willingly walked along with a smile that dazzled my heart. I looked at her very well. She had a tiny waist that served as a bridge between a big butt and a flat tummy. I was looking at Ben but my attention was on Linda. Later in the day when Linda left, I rushed to Ben, “Who was that? Where do you know her from?”

He had this mischievous grin on his face when he asked me, “Do you like her? She’s a friend and she’s single. If you like her, I can help you land her. It’s not going to be hard at all.”

I didn’t think twice about it. I nodded my head, “Yes I adore her. She’s beautiful. Do you think she will fall in love with a guy like me?”

Ben laughed at me. “A guy like you? Are you maimed or your eyes can’t see? Don’t raise her above the pinnacle of Mount Afadja. She’s just a girl and a girl will love who loves her. I will talk to her.”

Three days later, I was on the phone with Linda smiling and asking her what her favorite color was because a guy like me doesn’t have the words to keep a conversation going. She said Blue. I answered, “Wow! When I was in school, I was section blue from class one to class six. It became my favourite colour, my lucky charm and the colour of the sky for me. I don’t see grey. I see blue.”

The conversation meandered around aimlessly each time we talked. Ben had done his part of the job. The rest was for me to get her to love me but I was going about the whole thing wrongly. I was scared to say what I wanted to say. The man in me went flaccid. Like a dog who runs when thieves enter the house.

One day she told me, “Ben has invited me to this program in town. If you would come around, I will be very happy.”

We met at the program. Ben was straightforward. He didn’t like the diplomacy with which I was going about the whole thing. He asked, “Linda, has he told you that he’s in love with you? If he hasn’t then that’s the whole point of this new friendship he’s bringing to your court.” Linda laughed. She asked, “Why are you the one telling me? Did he tell you that he doesn’t have a mouth to talk for himself?”

“Linda, I don’t have a mouth,” I said to myself. “In fact I’m mute. Sometimes  I identify as deaf and dumb. I can’t say anything until someone says it on my behalf. Believe him, he’s telling you the truth.”

I had a lengthy conversation with her in my mind. I was urging her to say yes to me. I was telling her I would be a better man if she said yes but when she turned to me and asked if what Ben was saying was true, I shyly answered, “Don’t mind Ben. He’s only trying to tease me.”

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A week later, the man in me got inflated, like a blue balloon dancing in the air. Blue because her favourite colour is blue. Air because life is air or I’m only trying to make a sentence with air. We were talking on the phone one late night. She was yawning. She was giving me the signal that she wanted to go to bed. I was determined to keep her on the phone for a little while. She uttered the words, “It’s late. I want to go to sleep.” I answered, “Aww that’s too bad. Anyway, sleep tight and remember that I love you so much.”

She answered with a yawn. It came through a sleepy slur but I heard it clearly. She responded, “I know you love me. I love you too. See you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, our love story began. I had a girl. Her name was Linda. She had a tiny waist that served as a bridge between a big butt and a flat tummy. She was beautiful and she was mine.

It’s 2021 and we had been married for two years, me and Linda. Married because when you meet a woman who makes you fall in love at first sight, you try all you can to make her your wife.

We dated for a year and a half. Her heart was ready and mine had been ready since the day we met. Ben was there at our wedding. He got married a year before our wedding. He was there from the start, sharing his experience with us, going through the thick to make things thin for us.

On our wedding day when we were asked how we met, Ben was sitting far away from us but I pointed at him and said, “That guy sitting there, Ben. He started everything. He is the author of this love story you are all witnessing today. He had her hand under his armpits the way her father did this morning when bringing her to me. That was it.”

Two years after marriage, we started having troubles, troubles that emanated from the way I wanted to be a husband and the way she wanted to be treated as a wife. I would say my ego played a part in many of our troubles but she would also have to accept that her sharp tongue didn’t help matters.

When the issues started coming, the only person I spoke to was Ben. Ben because he was there right from the start and was also married so I thought he could help. Sometimes we’ll both meet Ben and we’ll trash out our differences. It wasn’t easy, the fact that we kept having problems. Sometimes Ben will meet Linda alone and they’ll talk. He would call me later in the day and tell me, “I’ve spoken to her. You know women. Kindly be patient with her.”

We had a fight about my family and we had a fight about her family. We had a fight about the way money was spent in the house, we had a fight about how she gave me small meat each day when she served my food. We fought about how late she came to the house after work. She told me she was tired of the marriage. I told her to leave my life alone because I was also tired of her. When we calmed down, we kissed and made love and began again with the sunrise, not knowing what the eventide may bring.

To me, it was a phase that would fade with the seasons but it got worse.

One night she came home very late from work. Immediately she entered the house, she headed for the bath. Her phone was on the sofa vibrating. I picked it up and it was Ben calling. “Ben? Then I can pick it, right? He’s also a friend.” I picked up the phone and Ben said, “Hey babe, are you home?”

“Babe” and “Are you home?” What’s going on?

I didn’t speak a word back. I put down the phone until the owner came for it and looked at the missed calls on the phone and looked up at my face.”

I started digging. Her phone had a password I didn’t know but at first, we used to share passwords. I checked her computer for clues. I didn’t get angry at her. I slept next to her every night and we talked normally. We had sex when we could.

It took me a whole month to figure things out. She had an iPad. She was less protective of it because she didn’t use it often. When she did, she used to watch movies. One night, I picked it up and connected it to the hotspot. The messages started dropping in. They were busy on iMessage. Most of the messages had been deleted but what was left made sense. Ben was sleeping with my wife.

Again, I didn’t rush it. One evening, she was chatting with him in the hall while I was in the bedroom following their conversation on the iPad. They started sleeping together a few months before Ben’s wedding. That was when we were dating. They went on a break and resumed a year after we got married. I still didn’t fret. I took evidence.

We had a fight. She called Ben to tell him. Ben called a meeting and we both went. He was at his charismatic best, assessing who did what and who should have done what. I was looking at him and wondering how he could play both roles so well and so innocently. He’s a smooth operator, a cold killer. I had to cut him in the middle somewhere and deliver a speech of my own.

“Ben, do you know why all these fights in my marriage? If I knew then what I know now, I would have closed my eyes the day I saw Linda’s arm clasped under your armpit. It was a language but I didn’t speak body language so I didn’t understand. You’re the reason we fight but then, you turn around and try to solve the problems you have created.”

While they looked each other in the face wondering what I was talking about, I showed them their own messages. The evidence I’d taken my time to gather, like memes in the Lord Of Meme’s folder. Ben slouched back into his seat. Linda covered his face in shock. I screamed, “Won’t you say anything? Talk. I want to hear you defend it. Say it’s not true.”

The next person I spoke to was Ben’s wife. “I’m sorry but I have to do this. Your husband has a girlfriend. He’s cheating on you with my wife. I don’t know how this information would help but it is what it is.”

We are in 2023. Ben and his wife are still together. They were able to calm their ship while ours sunk slowly into oblivion. I don’t know the kind of anchor that holds their marriage but it’s a strong one. An anchor that goes that deep to sturdy a ship on a turbulent sea like the one they experienced should be a special one.

He gave me a woman and took her away but lessons were learned. I suffered for a very long time. The pain, the clouds of doubt, the panic attacks, the what-people-will-say and all the self-doubt I battled with. I thought I wouldn’t make it through the night but here I am, writing my story as if I wasn’t the guy who was breaking into pieces that day.

This verb called love—I don’t know how we should do love for it to be enough but one thing I’ve learned is this, If love is a doing word, then we should be rest assured that some people will overdo it, some others will underdo it. Some won’t even attempt it but in the end, all these people will claim they are loving you. It’s up to you to decide.

This Is The Most Challenging Moment In Our Marriage | Silent Beads

I was under-loved right from the start while I was trying my best to give it all away. What’s love if it’s not given away? I lost. The one who gave also took it away. The author also became the finisher. I’m at ground zero, trying to climb again. It’s hard but we wake up every day and try again.

—Cecil 

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