My friend Gladys showed me a trick. She said, “If you meet a guy you don’t want to date but he wants to date you, don’t say no to him. Just demand big things from him and he will run away and leave the love he promised behind. Guys these days don’t hear no.”

I didn’t hear this early so I put up with many guys who I didn’t want to disrespect. Married men especially. You tell them no and it sounds like “Try harder” in their ears. They’ll keep coming and coming and because you don’t want to disrespect them, you laugh at their stale jokes while telling them respectfully to stay away.

The first person I used the trick on was my ex-boyfriend. He called off the relationship because he wanted to be alone and discover himself first. He told me, “When I decide to come back into a relationship, it’s you I will choose. That’s if you’re still single.”

I begged him to stay but he shook his head while asking me, “Do you want me to pretend? Do you want me to stay and treat you badly?”

I didn’t want any of that so I said goodbye to the relationship while embracing the heart that was breaking inside of me. Four months later he was back with a basket full of love—love he never gave me when I begged for it. I said no and he said, “But I’m a changed person.” I said no but he responded, “I won’t leave again this time.” I said no but he said, “This last one will be forever.”

I assumed he wasn’t going to leave me alone so I said he should give me time to think about it. I put Gladys’ theory into practice. The next time he called me I didn’t pick up. When he called again and I picked up I told him, “My phone is giving me issues ooo. The screen gets unresponsive most often. Can you get me a new one?”

I waited and listened to him fumble for words. He went into his bag of lies and picked a lie that would buy him some time. He said, “No problem. Let’s see the end of the month when I get my salary. Just give me some time.”

Before the month ended, I hit him with my rent. I asked him to pay half. He pushed that one too to the end of the month. When the month ended, I started calling him. This time he was the one missing my calls. I didn’t relent. I kept calling until he switched his phone off on me. I texted, “I thought you said you’ve changed? I thought you said you’ll never leave. What’s happening now?”

He read the messages and left me on blue tick so I faked a blue heart while laughing out loud. It worked. He never came back again.

After him was Martin. A guy who always walked around with his shirt tucked in even when the weather required something different. You see him and see orderliness. It’s like his life is arranged in alphabetical order and wouldn’t move to B until he had completed A. I said in my head, “This guy could be a married man.”

I watched his finger while he was busy talking to me. In my mind, I could see a trace of a ring but my eyes couldn’t perceive same. I asked, “Are you married?” He said no. I asked again, “What are you waiting for? Marry your girlfriend before it’s too late.” He looked into my eyes and told me he didn’t have a girlfriend. I screamed in my head, “Liar!”

Weeks after our first meeting he asked for a date and I said no. He persisted until I said yes. At the table, while enjoying food and wine and smiles, he proposed to me. I was going to say no until I remembered how persistent he had been. I asked him to give me some time to think about it. Days later, I hit him with my first request. A phone.

READ ALSO: My Marriage Is Still Suffering Because Of What Happened During The Covid-19 Pandemic

He bought me a Samsung phone that looked very expensive. While collecting the phone, I shivered with guilt. “I don’t need this so why?” I called Gladys. “Someone bought me a phone when I used the trick.” She screamed on the other side of the phone as if she was the one who got the phone. She said, “Don’t let it fool you. If he can buy a phone then he has a girlfriend. If he’s that good, then remember…”

I continued the statement for her, “…He’s taken!”

The next request was about my mom swallowing a house, just that I said it in a believable way. “My mom had been sick. All my money on me is gone but she needs medicine.” I didn’t name an amount. I asked him to send me whatever he had. He sent me GHC1,000. The next time I saw him he said, “I have a surprise for your mom. When can we visit her?”

Again, I was visited by guilt dashed with shame. I asked him, “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to impress me into a relationship? Are you sure your girlfriend would be happy when she finds out that you bought a phone for a lady?” He answered, “Yeah she will be happy because she’s that lady who got the phone.”

I called Gladys; “Girl, the trick is not working on this one. I’ve started feeling guilty. I’m ashamed of the way things are going.” She laughed at me. She said, “You see why they lie to you easily? Just a phone and some coins and you’re allowing a cheat into your heart. What do you mean the trick isn’t working? Have you asked for a house? Have you asked for a vacation in Borabora?  If he’s this good do you think you would be the one to have him?”

I stopped talking to Gladys and decided to look at him from a clear mind and a heart ready to learn about someone new. I stopped asking but he didn’t stop providing. He wasn’t rich. He didn’t drive a fancy car or take me to fancy places. He just loved to give and I loved that about him. I asked what happened to his ex and he gave me a list of five exes and everything that led to their breakup.

He said, “I cheated on Barbara. I was young and foolish. Efua found a better guy because I wasn’t always there. As for Esi, I couldn’t keep up with her lifestyle so once I stopped providing, she gave in to another man. The last one before you was SS. She was always sick. We had no future together but we are still friends.”

His honesty won me over. I gave him a yes with the caveat, “If you change towards me, it’s over. You can tell me anything. Communicate and we’ll be fine.”

I didn’t tell Gladys I said yes. When she asked me about him, I told her nothing was happening. A year later, Matin hadn’t changed. He still walked around with a tucked-in shirt as if his love for me would fall to the ground if he removed the tip of his shirt from his trousers. He met my mom and became friends with my siblings. He sent them gifts on their birthdays. He loved them as a family. The day I followed him to his home, his mom served me as if I was a queen. I found a home in his home but he told me, “Let’s create our own home. It’s better that way.”

We are married and entering our fifth year. He has changed over the years but the basic things still remain the same—he still walks around with a tucked-in shirt and with open arms ready to embrace who we have become. He’s a good father too. He has his limitations but the love he has for this family is limitless and it shows in how he behaves around us.

I Lost My Virginity When I Was Seventeen

I confessed. The sins of our beginning and how I wanted to push him away with demands. He laughed at me. He said, “The phone was a loan. The GHC1,000 was from my savings. I was ready to match you boot for boot so you’ll help me pay the debt when we marry.”

Thank God there was no debt to pay but love to give. 

—Helena

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

******