I got married in 2020 and was divorced by 2021. That wasn’t the original plan but life happens. One moment we were singing forever, the next moment I was uncovering painful truths about the man I married. How would any woman stay in a marriage built on the foundation of lies? Before marriage, he told me he had one child. Nonetheless, I found out after marriage that his kids were five in number. He also had multiple girlfriends on the side. A lot of other things came up that suggested my marriage to this young man was a sham. A scam to finish all my money. That’s why the marriage ended so early.  

A year after my divorce, I decided to put myself out there and give love another try. This time around I didn’t want to leave things to chance. I convinced myself that if I took my time and carefully chose my next partner, things would turn out better than they did the last time. 

While I am in my late thirties, I found myself getting acquainted with a man in his forties. I recounted the events of my bitter past to him. “I have never been married,” he told me. He said it was due to some disappointments in his past. I didn’t have any reason to doubt him. His profession as a military person made him credible in my eyes. Even if I take that out of the way, he is a deacon at the church of Pentecost. Another factor that made me trust him easily. 

Unlike my ex-husband, Soldier didn’t mention a child. He said he didn’t have any. I saw it as a green flag. He behaved responsibly too. He was usually calm, respectful, charming, and eager to serve. All of these traits impressed me a great deal. It made the path smooth for him. So when he eventually asked me to be his woman, I said yes. Why not? Our Christian values aligned. 

We were as thick as thieves during the first four months. I was sure nothing would take me from him. But work did. I had to move from where we lived in Ho to Accra. “What does this mean for us?” I asked him. “We will do the long-distance thing,” came his response. We talked more about it and agreed to take turns visiting each other.

Adapting to the new changes was challenging at first but once I settled, things didn’t look too bad. We made it work till we were one year into the relationship. That was when issues started coming up. 

First, I asked him to introduce me to his people. “Don’t worry. I will take you to them at the right time,” he promised. Even at this point, I had no reason to doubt him. So I was happily thinking I had a man I was going to marry. 

Just around the time we had the conversation about his family, I went to Ho to see him. I was outside relaxing after performing some chores when a young girl came looking for him. He was busy entertaining some of his colleagues so I asked her to either call him or return another time. She chose to leave a message with me instead. When I delivered the message he said, “Oh, Mary was here? She is my cousin.” 

The next month I visited him, I met a little boy at his place. I had seen the boy on his Facebook page so I had a lot of questions. He silenced all of them with one answer; “Oh, Kofi? He is my brother’s son.” 

I had doubts about those two explanations so I started looking into things.

When I took my leave in March this year, I decided to spend all the days in Ho. On my sixth day, I was diagnosed with hypertension. The doctor suggested some lifestyle changes; diet and workouts. It was my workout routine that helped me uncover some bitter truths about him.

It started when I observed certain changes in his behaviour. He would go out and return late. He also would stay on the phone late into the night. Sometimes he would be topless while on video calls with other girls. This bothered me but I didn’t talk. I knew if I asked him questions he would know I was onto him.

One dawn I woke up to prepare for my daily workout. Then I saw his phone lying innocently by my pillow. I couldn’t help myself. I took it and read his messages. All I can say is, nothing (not even my ex-husband’s deception) prepared me for what I found.

On that first day, I couldn’t breathe. Unbeknownst to me I hadn’t even seen the half of it. 

I was beyond broken when after several days of searching through his phone, I found out I wasn’t that special to him. He was dating me and twelve other ladies. Some of them were girls, young enough to be his daughters. Others were nursing mothers.

I saw pictures and videos of these women but I couldn’t believe it. Yes, he recorded each of us without our consent. He did it when we were doing it in the doggy position. That’s why we didn’t know. Is this man not the devil himself? 

I cried for days before I confronted him. Can you believe he lied? Even when I told him, “I have the numbers of all the ladies. I will call them o.” He encouraged me to call them. Me too, I called his bluff and called them. None of them had even a shred of suspicion that there were other women in his life besides them.  

READ ALSO: This Is What I Get For Dating My Boss

When he found out that I contacted the ladies, he called my sister and threatened to publish my nudes. My sister secretly recorded their conversation. We used it as evidence when we reported him to the police. Unfortunately, the police officers we met didn’t deal with us fairly. He was granted bail, after which they said they would conduct further investigations. It’s been three months now but he still walks about freely.

Of all the secrets that came out, the one that pained me most was the one about his wife and three children. She is also a military woman, and they’ve been married for over twenty years. Imagine my shock when I stumbled upon this information last week. 

Men Don’t Like It When Women Do The Paying

I never ever wanted to date a married man in my life but because of Soldier, I did it for two years. Although I didn’t know about her then, I can’t forgive myself. If even me who is not his wife is this pained by his betrayal, then how will his wife feel if she finds out her husband is a philanderer who likes to keep records of his conquests? 

There are different voices telling me what to do. His mom says he needs deliverance so we should pray for him. My lawyer says we must sue him so that he faces the consequences of his actions. My pain is also haunting me. That if I do nothing, he may do something bad with those videos. What do you suggest I do to him?

—Hera

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB