I was almost home when this car abruptly came to a stop next to me. The window went down and the man in the car asked if I lived around. I nodded cautiously, as if to say, “I live around here but I don’t live around here.” I didn’t know his reasons for asking that question but usually, those who ask are missing and are looking for direction so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He said, “Great, I’m looking for a man who lives around here. His name is Oboadie, one popular man.”

I’d lived in that area all my life but I hadn’t heard the name. I shook my head and said, “No I don’t know anyone like that. Where did he say he lives? Did he give you the name of an area?”

We talked but I couldn’t help him. He said thank you and drove away. Several minutes later, I was by the roadside making a call when the same car came to a stop next to me. I smiled and he smiled back. He said, “I’ve seen the man. He’s just two blocks away from here. Thank you very much.” I nodded because I was on a call. He kept talking until I dropped the call. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He gave me his number too but I knew I wasn’t going to call so I didn’t save it.

I woke up the next morning to see Momo alert on my phone. GHC1,000. The reference was, “Thank you.”

“Thank you? For what? Or it’s a wrong number?”

I went on WhatsApp to see his message waiting for me. He’s Blankson. “I sent you something small for being a help yesterday. We usually don’t meet people like you, kind and receptive.” I responded, “That’s very kind of you but it’s too much for a simple task like that. I’m grateful. You’re very kind.”

We exchanged a few messages and said goodbye. Days later he called, “Are you home?” I said yes. He said, “I’m on my way to see my friend and thought of saying hi.”

I met him outside. We talked for less than three minutes. When he was about to drive away, he gave me a gift bag and said, “For you. I hope you like it.” I looked inside and everything was wrapped. I said, “I don’t know what that is but I like it.”

A perfume, a self-help book and a bundle of money. I counted. It was GHC2,000. This time I was confused. Not only confused but scared too. This is a man I met not too long ago. The only thing I knew about him was his name but he kept giving me gifts. “What’s his intention? He likes me and trying to buy his way into my heart?”

When I called, I thanked him and also used the opportunity to ask, “What for? What’s the end game?” His response was, “We are friends and friends give each other gifts.” I laughed. “How come I haven’t given you any but you keep giving?” He answered, “I trust one day you will.”

He would wake up and send me a good morning message. He usually goes like, “Good morning beautiful friend.” Or “Good night, sweet friend.” In the afternoon he would call and ask how my day was going. He brought me lunch through a delivery. Not once and not twice. He kept sending Momo unexpectedly. He kept passing by to see his friend. One day he asked me to join him and I did. He introduced me to his friend as a new friend.

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Because he kept coming around, my household started noticing him. He would say hello to whoever was around and sometimes come to the house to look for me instead of calling me to come out. I’m not a child. I put one and one together and decided he wanted a relationship but didn’t know how to say it. I asked myself the questions and decided to be honest with myself.

“Do you like him? Is he your kind of man? Does he tick the boxes? If he proposes to you today, would you say yes?”

“No”

That was my answer. We had known each other for over two months. I knew his work and knew his workplace. He had visited me at my workplace twice and each time he came, he came with a gift. He didn’t stop sending the Momo too. And one surprising thing was that the money always came at the time I needed money. It was like he was reading my mind. “I need money to buy this…” Boom! He’ll send money. He was kind and all over me but I didn’t like him. His personality didn’t strike me as someone I could live with. I was only waiting for him to propose so I say no.

It’s been five months. He hasn’t proposed and nothing has changed. He keeps sending me money. Since I’ve known him I’ve never asked him for anything but he gives willingly. And it’s something I don’t want him to stop because I need the money he gives me. It solves a lot of problems in my life. I don’t budget for it but it comes and when I receive it, it fills certain holes in my life.

But my heart is troubled. That one day, I’ll say no to him and he’ll go like, “Then bring everything I’ve ever given to you.” How would I provide them?

He doesn’t look like a man who’ll do that but in love and in war, everything is fair so you might not know. I’ve discussed it with my best friend. Her concern isn’t about my fears but why I wouldn’t like a man like that. I told her, “There’s no connection or chemistry. The ones I’ve loved didn’t do half of what he’s doing but the connection was there.”

“Do you eat connection? When you buy from a shop, do you pay with chemistry? If I were you, I would propose to him before he thinks of proposing to me. A man like this is worth millions in the bush.”

That’s her opinion. There’s a reason she’s not me. Money doesn’t rule my world. If I get it I’m happy. If I don’t, I remain content with what I have. I won’t fall for a man because he provides the world. I will fall when my soul is at peace with him. And that happens naturally when he has what I want. Blankson is a man. He could be someone’s dream but unfortunately not my kind of dream.

Recently, I’ve been trying to build boundaries. Not strong boundaries but they are boundaries anyway. I say no to outings he brings up. When he wants to come to my office, I say no. He passes to his friend and I tell him I’m not home. The sad thing is, he sees the change but does not ask questions. He’ll send Momo with funny references. He’ll send a gift through delivery. He’ll tell me, “I’m your friend. You can tell me everything.”

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the friendship he wants and not love so I should stop getting myself worked out for something that doesn’t exist. I’m scared about the future. I can trigger it with conversation but I’m not able to because I love the money he sends and I don’t want it to stop. Am I evil? Am I taking advantage of him? Should I run for my life before the worst happens?

I need advice. Tell me everything but don’t advise me to stop collecting the gift because that won’t happen. As I’ve stated, I have a lot of problems money can solve. Some of the gifts he sends me, I sell them to raise money. He’s a pillar I didn’t build so I wouldn’t like to be the one to collapse it. I want to know, what’s the worst that could happen?

–Araba 

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