This Love Has No Drama And It’s The Reason I May Walk Away

Right from the start, I knew Charle wasn’t the right man for me. He was good looking but I didn’t think he was the kind of man who will bring a spark into my life. I needed an outgoing man but Charles was too dull. Even the way he proposed to me was dull. I needed a man who would be stronger in the relationship but Charles didn’t look like the one. He looked like a man I will control in the relationship. And the crazy thing about me is, I didn’t want a man who loved me too much but Charles loved me too much. That was also one of the reasons why I thought he wasn’t good for me. 

All my friends were like, “It’s always good to have a man who loves you more than you love him. Men like that will treat you better all the time and would be scared to lose you.” I took their advice. Instead of looking for something to hate about Charles, I started looking for something to love about him and it worked. I fell in love with him too and later said yes to him. The beginning was flowery as I’ve come to learn about every relationship. From the start, they take the right steps, they don’t want to go wrong and they make you the centre of their world. Charles did the same too and because I was on the lookout for what to love about him, I found so many reasons to give my all to him.

He was drinking. I didn’t know from the start that he loved alcohol. When I went out with him, he always took something soft. He was living a lie with me while he lived his real self with his friends. I noticed it in his breath. When he lay closer to me, his breath didn’t smell right. I asked him, “Have you been drinking?” He answered, “No, I haven’t been drinking but when we went out today, the guys forced me to take something small.” I asked him to stop taking something small because I didn’t want a man with alcohol on his breath. 

He didn’t stop. He continued drinking and to make things worse he stopped hiding it from me. It became a constant fight between us. One day I walked away. I told him, “Call me when you stop drinking.” The following day he was in my house begging for another chance. “Have you stopped drinking? I asked. He answered, “From now onwards, I won’t touch alcohol again.” I gave him the benefit of the doubt and forgave him. I was looking at him from afar. He wasn’t drinking. Even his friends accused me of changing him because he loved me too much. Months later, I had a Charles who didn’t drink—a cleaned breath Charles.

His ex started coming into the frame and it became a constant source of a fight too. I didn’t like how he talked to her often. I didn’t like how the girl could call him at any time of the night for them to talk. He told me, “She’s my ex doesn’t mean she’s my enemy. We only talk because we are still friends.” I told him, “Choose. Choose between being friends with her and being in a relationship with me. I don’t like a boyfriend who can’t let his ex go.” 

One thing about Charles is that he would show how much he loves me whenever we fight. He’s not the kind who will doll on you or say adorable things to you. He won’t compliment you or even look at you in a way you will feel loved. He’s just blank when it comes to that aspect of love. The only time he proved his love was when there was a fight between us. While I was screaming and telling him to choose, he came closer to me and said, “Fine, if that’s what you want then fine. I won’t talk to her again. I will give her space. I won’t go closer to where she is.” I asked, “Are you sure?” He answered, “I’m sure. I will always choose you and you know it.”

To me, that proved the level of love he had for me. He loved me enough to stop drinking for me. He loved me enough to stop being with his ex. He loved me enough to choose me over his evil deeds. My friends were right after all. It’s always better to find a man who loves you more than you love him but as time went on I loved him more and more until it got to a point I felt I’d come to love him more than he loved me. 

Our relationship was almost two years old when I found out that Charles had another girlfriend. The sad thing about it was that his friends knew about it and they rather pushed him to go for that girl. I wasn’t surprised. His friends didn’t like me that much because they saw me as someone who came between them and Charles. They talked behind my back and even said I had turned Charles into a woman. From the messages I read, Charles was into the girl and it was obvious. I got angry. I told him it was the end of the road for us. I blocked him right in front of him and asked him not to come after me when all was said and done. 

I broke up with him on Monday. Tuesday he was at my door begging. On Wednesday he was there again looking like how Humpty Dumpty looked when he fell from the great wall. On Thursday he was looking miserable. On Friday he looked like he won’t survive the weekend if I didn’t forgive him. He came with promises; “Never would I allow myself go that far again. I promise you. It won’t happen again. You’re the one I want. If you leave me, I can’t survive the heartbreak. Please have mercy on me.” 

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You should see him going down on his knees and begging me, a man of his calibre; twenty-seven years old, tall and bulky with bears covering his face. He should be fierce but he was down begging a girl my calibre, twenty-three years old, small and slim. I could even fit into his pocket. Anytime he promised to change, he delivered. He never made a promise that he didn’t follow through with it. I picked him up from the floor and told him I’d forgiven him because he had a track record of changing for the better.

We’ve been dating for over three years now and this guy does no wrong. Apart from that, he has left the control of the relationship in my hands. I call the shots. I make the plans. My yes and my no are what makes sense in this relationship. We are no longer fighting so he has no reason to prove his love for me. He doesn’t compliment. He doesn’t say he loves me. He doesn’t look at me when I dress up for him. To him, everything is normal. To me, normal is boring. How can we have a relationship without drama? I don’t even remember the last time we fought or even disagreed on something. Everything goes and that to me is boring.

What’s love without the occasional reasons to fight? What’s a relationship without the occasional “I’m sorry, let’s break up?” No, I’m not a drama queen but a little bit of drama fans the flame of love and keeps lovers showing love to each other. What we have currently is too raw for me but he seems to be enjoying it. He’s so proud of the fact that we don’t fight. He said the two of us were made to fit each other that’s why we don’t fight. I don’t agree with that. It’s because he’s scared to come to the party with his own opinions that contradict mine. He’s just existing in the relationship but I want more.

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I’m not saying everything is bad but if things keep going the way it is going, I don’t see myself marrying him. We have talked about marriage. I’ve told him we will do it in future but I’m not sure I would like to live the rest of my life with a man who is scared to put his foot down and own the relationship as a man will like to do. I don’t know if I’m making sense. I don’t know if I’m getting mad but that’s how I feel.

What can I do to bring the spark back into the relationship? The little quarrel here and there and the little misunderstandings. I intentionally start a fight and he would let the fight fail because he won’t say anything to fan the flame. I’m tired of boredom actually. It’s getting me crazy.