If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

We were living in the same house but not talking to each other. She will see me and chuckle. I will return from work and still find nothing to eat, though I’d left money. I asked about food one evening and she told me she was too tired to cook. The second time I asked, she told me she was mourning her mother so I shouldn’t worry her about food. I learned to eat on the way whenever I closed from work. An eye for an eye they say will soon let the world go blind. My marriage was on the subway to blindness so I had to do something about it. It was about money—money I didn’t have and money she didn’t have. At some point, one has to be the stronger person and bring peace to the table. I chose to be the stronger person. 

I called for a discussion. Two times she told me she wasn’t in the mood to talk. The third time, I took the conversation to her. Her questions were the same; “I’m not saying it should happen, she said. “But if it happens and your mother dies today, are you telling me you can’t bury your mother because you’re broke?” I answered, “You’re asking the wrong questions. The question should have been, “If you were working when your mother died, would it have been this tough for you to get money?” You may not have money of your own but you could easily access some loans. I can equally go for a loan for you. That’s not a problem at all. But look at it this way. My salary is already stretched. I will take a loan and they’ll deduct 40% off my salary every month. How are we going to survive on 40% less? It would have been easier if you had a job of your own.”

She said, “Then stop worrying your head about me. I’ll solve it but don’t bring your head to the funeral. People will see you behind me and think you’re the reason the funeral is running smoothly. Stay home so they know the kind of person you are. The person who doesn’t contribute to the funeral of his in-law.”

She was bitter and it showed. She said countless times that she was going to resolve it but nothing happened for her. It was hard for people to give her a loan because she wasn’t working. She couldn’t sleep at night. I would wake up at dawn and see her lying on her back looking at the ceiling. Some dawn, she would be at the hall watching TV. To be a man is to swallow bitter pills sometimes so I took the pills for her. I accessed a welfare loan from the office and also took something little from a friend. In all, I gave her GHC5,000. “It’s a loan I’m giving you. Remember what you told me. That whatever you make during the funeral, you’ll repay what you’ve taken from me.” 

She snatched the money from me and smiled. The first time I’d seen her smile in a very long while. She said, “You’ll do it but you’ll let me talk saaa and even fight you before you do something for me. Change your character. You’re all I have so don’t try to leave me to fight my battles alone.”

The funeral was in June. I was there. Everything went on smoothly. On Sunday, we went to thanksgiving and I came back home, leaving her there to sort out the rest with her family. I called her every day asking how things were going. She was fine. She was happy. I think she was happy that her mother had been laid to rest without any issues. She came home on a Friday. She sat next to me in the hall telling me everything that went on during the funeral. The fight she had with her siblings. Foods that went missing. How the family wanted to cheat them on the money that was made.

I listened. She was happy. I was happy for her happiness. She said, “So we made something little. After paying off the debt and settling the family, I had something little.” I asked, “How much did you make?” She said, “Oh it’s not that substantial but it’s ok. At least we don’t owe anyone. I can sleep peacefully knowing Everything is behind us now.”

 From all indications, she wasn’t ready to name the amount she made. I didn’t press for it. She told me, “Tomorrow, I will go through what’s left and see if I can pay some of the amount I owe you.” I quickly responded, “That’s great but let’s look at it from this way. You don’t have a job and we don’t know when you’re going to get one. Is there something you can do with that money so you start earning something? Where I got it from, they are not chasing me for it so we can use it for something else and pay later.”

Her eyes lit up. She smiled without knowing she was smiling. She said, “I’ve thought of that already. I’m happy you’re thinking the same way as me. There are so many things I would like to do but I need to assess the grounds first to see which one is more viable.”

She asked for a week. I told her to take her time so she get the right idea. A week later, she came talking about so many things she could do. She was still undecided. I said, “No need to rush. It’s better you take your time and get it right than rush into something wrong.” Weeks later, she was not talking about anything so I decided to ask questions. “How far? anything on your radar yet?” She chuckled before saying, “I’m even tired. I’ve been thinking and thinking but it looks like Everything has disadvantages now.” 

The way things were going I felt I’d been too liberal. I’d left things in her hand to decide and hadn’t contributed any knowledge to her thinking process. So that day I sat with her and asked, “How many things have you thought of as of now and what are the angles you’ve been looking at them?” She answered, “A lot. In fact, so many things have crossed my mind. All of them look nice until you get into the detailed assessment.” I said, “Name your top three on the list and let’s discuss them and see where we may get to.” She said, “I don’t have top three ooo. I can even have the top hundred because they are all great ideas. Just give me some time to sort them out to get top three.”

Days. Week. Another week. And another week. She said nothing. So playfully I asked, “Or you want to start an oil and gas company that’s why you need the whole year to think about it?” She got angry. She started talking and throwing her hands around; “Why are you giving me pressure? You want me to start something today and fail so you the same person will come at me, right? Why don’t you give me some sort of respect around here? You don’t even know the amount we are talking about here but you sit there and give me pressure. Or you think I have millions lying around. How much did you give me that you’ll give me this pressure? Don’t ask me anything from now onwards. When I’m ready, I will do what I can do.”

What I said didn’t warrant that lengthy rants. It meant only one thing. That she hadn’t done anything about what I asked her to do so her only defense was to throw tantrums. She started giving me attitude though I hadn’t done anything to her. I would ask a question and she may decide to answer or decide not to mind me. Three months later, nothing had happened. I told her, “Obviously you’re not ready to start anything new. Just give me the money. I will pay those I owe. When you’re ready to start whatever you want to start, tell me, I will go to them again and borrow the money back. It’s better that way.” 

She asked me, “What money are you talking about?” I said, “What you owe me. The amount you wanted to pay the day you returned. That’s what I’m talking about.” She went inside and brought me GHC500. I said, “You’re joking right?” She told me, “When I said I wanted to pay something, I didn’t mean I was going to pay everything. That was all I had in mind to pay in the meantime. You see the reason why I haven’t been able to start anything? It’s because of this. That’s all I have lying around.”

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My heart started beating faster. The kind of anger that crept into my heart can’t be described with words. I screamed, “Are you serious? Or you’re trying to joke with me?” She said calmly, “You can ask my sisters. That’s all I made.” Right there, I picked up my phone and called the sister behind her. Maybe she thought I wasn’t going to call. Her sister said, “I don’t know what she’s talking about. Maybe she doesn’t want to tell you the specific amount. Or she’s just playing with you.” Her sister also didn’t mention any amount but her point was clear that she made more than that. 

It turned into a huge argument. Her concluding statement was, “Or you think you’re the only one I borrowed money from?” 

We are in a new year and as we speak, my wife is still in the house. Sleeping while I go to work. Complain when I’m unable to give her enough. Saying she’s in the market looking for suitable opportunities. 

But I know what I’m going to do. When the tap stops flowing we are forced to step out into the river to fetch water, right? Same principle here. The supplies will be cut at some point. I will use what I earn on myself because I suffer to make it. It’s my dream to start schooling this year. I will start. Whatever I desire that my little money can buy, I will buy it for myself and stop starving to provide for a woman who doesn’t see any reason to provide for herself. It’s a marriage I came for. I didn’t come here to put myself under the yoke of slavery.  

–Moses

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