I have read a lot of stories on this page but the one that moved me to share my story was the one about a woman who lost her babies and bled for an entire year while society kept asking her if she was pregnant, anytime she got sick. It reminded me of my own story. Just like her, growing up I vowed to keep myself pure and abstain from any sexual misconduct. My parents were borne of broken homes and it affected them individually in a way that broke their marriage. I promised myself that I would do better for the sake of my unborn children.

I was very conscious about so many things. I made sure I didn’t leave my life to chance. If you don’t make things happen for you, things will happen to you: that’s what they say. So I made it a point to be in control of my own narrative.

The house of the lord was my home. I enjoyed spending a lot of time in church because it made my faith in the word of God grow stronger day by day. It grounded me and shielded me from the kind of life I would have lived growing up on the streets of Ashaiman.

I lived with my aunt, who was doing the best she could to raise me in a bad neighborhood. I was exposed to all sorts of things. I was even tempted to pursue some of these unacceptable lifestyles but I didn’t. I chose to walk on the path of righteousness. I was so pure that it showed outwardly. I became the standard parents measured their children by.

After high school, I gained admission to the university to further my education. That was the point where my life changed completely. I got the shock of my life when I went for medical screening. It was discovered that I am a carrier of HBV (Hepatitis B Virus). Further investigation revealed that it was an incurable illness. At that time I didn’t know there was a lot of negative stigma attached to this condition. Because I was sad, I cried while I confided in the people in my life. My roommate was no exception.

I went through hell at the hands of people I believed were going to be my support system. My roommate made my life so miserable that I rented an apartment and moved out of the hostel. Nobody believed that I did not contract the virus sexually. They called me all sorts of names. “You project this image of yourself as if you are a good girl but you are a hypocrite.” Everybody thought I was living a double life. I became a social pariah.

It took a lot of work before I finally got to a place where I fully accepted this condition as part of me. Despite that, it’s still difficult sometimes. I would be having a perfectly good day and someone would ask me, “When are you getting married?” Then my perfect day would turn into a day of melancholy and tears.

Sometimes when I attend weddings, I come back depressed. I would weep for a week or two because of the things people say to me at weddings. “You too marry some and let’s come and eat jollof rice at your wedding.” “When will you start dating? Hurry up and let’s attend your wedding.” I know we say these things in the spirit of excitement and merriment, but there are wounded people among us posing as happy people. You don’t know whose wounds you would be poking with comments like these.

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Recently, I had to move out of the house because of my mother’s torments. I know she means well but every time she asks me, “When are you bringing your boyfriend home?” I am reminded that I am a carrier of HBV. Sometimes she would tell me she is waiting for grandchildren, and my heart would sink into the pit of my stomach. I am not saying that I have chosen not to date because of my diagnosis. I have tried to put myself out there but anytime I tell a man that I have never been with anyone yet I have HBV, they call me a liar and take to their heels.

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Some of them act as if they are interested. “Help me understand how this happened,” they would ask. I have learned enough about the virus to educate others on it. However, when I take my time to explain things to these men, they either block me or openly reject me. If I can’t even get a man to understand what I am dealing with, then will I ever date? Let’s not even talk about marriage and having kids.

If there is one thing this disease has taught me, it’s that I should mind my business. Asking people, no matter the relationship you have with them, to get married or have kids is very insensitive. You have no idea the demons people are fighting, and what your nosiness is doing to make things worse for them.

—Yaa

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