I was in bed with my husband when his phone rang. It was in the middle of the night but he answered the call. It was one of his female friends. The lady said she was sick so my husband should come and take her to the hospital. That was not the first time he had received this kind of call from this same lady. Every time she called, my husband would dress up, get into his car, and speed to her rescue. So this time around I told him not to go. “Call Akua to go for her. She lives closer to her so she is even a better choice,” I suggested.

He listened alright but he insisted on going to his friend’s rescue. That’s the kind of man I married. He has mo sense of healthy boundaries. He entertains other women all in the name of friendship. A while back I found out that one of the women he was entertaining was his ex. He claimed he was with her before he met me. He couldn’t break up with her because she hadn’t done anything wrong. And after we got married, he couldn’t come clean out of fear of being cursed. So he just kept stringing her along. It was after I found out about her that he blocked her.

That incident had me thinking that I didn’t know my husband very well before we got married. We were in a long-distance relationship for a year before finally tying the knot. Even our marriage is long-distance. So there are things I am still discovering about him. Sadly, these things are not pleasant. The marriage is not even a year old but I am tired already.

Whenever we are together, we don’t talk. I mean it the way couples sit together and have conversations about their lives, hopes, and dreams. We don’t do that. When I try to initiate these discussions he would avoid it. If I asked about our future he would say, “It’s not yet time for that.” When I try to have intimate conversations, he would make me feel terrible. Because of this, our sex life is as dry as a cactus.

There’s no connection when we are having intimacy. It didn’t use to be like that when we were dating. But the moment he introduced me to his parents, things changed drastically. He stopped flirting with me. I thought it was pressure from wedding preparations but it has continued till now. He wouldn’t kiss me. He barely touches me. Foreplay is out of the question. Shuperu feels like doing it with my brother. It’s not nice.

I have tried to spice things up. There was a time we were in bed and I got on top of him. I was being playful, kissing his neck and chest. All of a sudden he said, “Do you know that I find it unattractive when a woman makes the first move?” You can imagine my embarrassment.

He hardly tells me he loves or misses me. He doesn’t give me compliments. Once, he was driving and I was feeling pretty. I turned to him and asked, “Babe, isn’t my face pretty?” He looked at my face and told me I had gotten pimples on my face. All the hype I was giving myself vanished instantly. That’s how easily he hurts me emotionally without even knowing it. I believe it’s because he doesn’t genuinely love me.

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He’s turned me into an insecure woman. I don’t feel like I have a leader leading me. I feel like if I don’t take charge of certain things, the marriage will fall apart.

I can’t believe this is the life I chose for myself. I was thinking about my future kids when I was choosing a partner. He had the makings of a good father. That’s why I picked him. I didn’t consider my own needs. How long can I keep up with being neglected emotionally and physically? We can even be together but he would be glued to his phone.

He Called Me On The Phone So I Could Hear The Other Woman’s Voice

When he is not with me and we are on the phone talking, he has nothing to say apart from “Have you eaten?” “How are you?” “How was your day?” If I don’t bring something up, he would just stay quiet on the line. Then he would start humming a song.

I’m just so drained. Before anyone tells me to communicate with him about my feelings, there’s nothing in this post that I haven’t discussed with him. He apologizes and promises to be better. Some of them he tries to do better but he ends up doing something that spoils the whole thing.

I’m tired of talking. I’m losing interest in the marriage. I believe if he had married someone he actually loved and wanted, I wouldn’t have to complain and hurt so much.

—Adom

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