Today I want to talk about women who leave good men. I am one of them. And sometimes I feel we are misunderstood. A man can give you the world but he may not be the one for you. That is what happened with me and Chris. 

I met him through a mutual friend. He was in the university while I was in senior high school. All our conversations were on the phone. Then we drifted apart at some point. After high school, I stayed home for two years to rewrite some papers I failed.

When I finally started university, Chris and I reconnected. He had completed school then and was working. The first time he came to see me was the first time we saw each other. He came to see me bearing food and gifts. He bought food for my roommates too. This got them talking about us.

As time went on, our relationship blossomed. Everyone around us saw it. They sang his praises. They called me a lucky girl. I felt loved by him at all times. It wasn’t about what he had to offer, not at all. Everything about him was what I wanted in a man. So the love flowed naturally. 

I never asked him for stuff or money, but he made sure I never ran out of cash. He always gave generously and willingly. I can never speak ill of him. I held him in high esteem no matter the challenges we faced in the relationship. I mean, how would you disrespect someone who goes above and beyond to take care of you?

Chris was not the one who paid my fees or hostel fees but in his own way, he took care of me through school. He bought me my first blender. He also bought me my first laptop. Apart from that, he helped me study. I was struggling with some of the courses. Chris studied them and explained them to me in ways I could understand. This made me love him so much more than anything. 

Despite how amazing he was, I got the shock of my life the first time I went to visit him and entered his room. You would think I was in the room of an SHS leaver. He had nothing, only a small mattress on the floor. I was confused. This guy had a good job so why was he living like this? 

It took a while before I asked questions. “You’ve been working for five years now. So why are you living like a squatter?” I encouraged him to fill his room up. He agreed but he didn’t do it. It wasn’t a deal breaker for me so I left it alone. When I got to level 200, he proposed marriage. I told him, “I want to complete school and start working before I get married.” I also mentioned that he would have to fix his room first.

Just when I was about to get to level 300, he found out about an illness I was hiding from him. I thought if he knew I got sick from time to time he would leave me. Well, he didn’t. He became my pillar.

He started helping me to look for medication. One time I got so sick that I became unconscious. Chris was the one who took me to the hospital. The doctors said I had to undergo an emergency surgery. The bill was over GHC5,000 but he paid it. He was by my side till my parents arrived. They tried to refund all the expenses he made but he said no. 

He managed to convince my parents to let me stay with him after I was discharged. “It’s close to her school. And I will take care of her.” They liked him already so he didn’t have to talk too much. Truly, this guy nursed me back to health. Why wouldn’t I love him?

I really wanted to build a life with this guy. So I did my best to push him. The problem was, that he did not want to be pushed. The first time this happened was when his work paid him some arrears. It was a lot of money. I advised him to use the money to buy a car. “If you wake up early you can use it to work as a taxi and earn some money before you get to work.” He turned down the idea. “No, I intend to pursue my masters,” he answered.

When he got the Master’s degree he refused to work with it. I asked him to give his CV to me so I could help him apply for jobs. He didn’t. I went online and found jobs within his qualifications. All he had to was apply to them but he refused.

Through this all, his room remained the same. When I was doing my national service I had to force him to give me money every month. I would go to his place and collect the money. I kept all those monies and used it to buy stuff for his room. I bought a bed, mattress, TV, wardrobe, and everything to make the place look like a working man’s room. 

I knew he was doing a lot for me. He is the kind to spend all his money on the people he loves and neglect himself. As his woman, I felt I should be the one to take care of him and make sure he also takes care of himself. However, he was not willing to be pushed. He made me feel I talked too much. 

There was a time when someone was renting out a store in front of their house. I advised him to rent it and sell bags of sachet water alongside packs of bottled water. “We can add mobile money business to it.” He agreed. He went for the Momo SIM card and umbrella. It ended there. The business did not even start.

When we talked about our marriage plans I told him, “I don’t want us to get married on loans. So start saving now. After a while, we will start buying the items.” He agreed but later when I asked about the savings he had something else to say. According to him, he gave the money to his mother to use to open a shop. Honestly, I got angry.

His mother was working. All her children were adults and they also had thriving careers. I knew for a fact that they were doing well so they sent her money regularly. She didn’t need the shop. Even if she did, her other kids could have helped her. Chris didn’t need to give him the money for our marriage preparations. The painful part is, that they only operated the shop on and off for a month and stopped.

When I saw that they couldn’t maintain his mother’s shop I concluded that maybe his family is not the business type. His mother is educated and so is Chris and his other siblings. “Maybe these people are scholars.” So I stopped trying to help him start a business.

The next thing that happened had to do with where we were supposed to live after marriage. He said we would live in his mother’s house. I said, “No, that’s not what I want. We can even live in a single-room self-contained apartment.” He answered, “The plan is to complete the other side of my mother’s house. It’s a storey-building. That’s where we will live.” I still was not comfortable with it but in the end, I agreed.

I then advised him to go to the bank and get a standing order. The plan was for him to use the money he would save to complete the building project. That way after marriage, we wouldn’t struggle with where to live. We started an education fund for our future kids too. 

I knew his salary wouldn’t arrive in full anymore so I stopped taking money from him. I was the one sending surprise packages and stuff.

Over a year down the line, I asked this guy about the standing order and he answered, “Oh that? I stopped it after four months. My mother needed money to settle some family debts.” I was upset, “This is the second time you are doing this to our plans. Is it that you don’t want to get married to me?” It even hurt that he didn’t tell me all this while. Oh, and he stopped the child education fund too without telling me. 

This behaviour of his manifested itself in so many ways. All attempts to help him grow was met with resistance. Everything meant for our future was relegated to the back bench because he chose to be the hero his family didn’t need. I kept asking myself, “Is this the man I want to spend my future with?” Every time the thought crossed my mind I would feel guilty. How could I think of leaving him after everything he had done for me?

While I was working through all that, I met a man. He asked me for directions and I gave him. He was quite older so I didn’t pay much attention to him. When we finished talking he gave me his complimentary card and asked me to call him. I took the card but I said in my head, “There is no way I will call you. I have a man.” I think he must seen it on my face. 

I was about to cross when he said, “I need one more favour.” He claimed he was trying to call his friend but he didn’t have airtime. “Can I use your phone to call him?” When I gave the phone to him he dialed his number on it and called himself. Then he said, “Aha, now I have your number. Something told me you won’t call me so I will call you.” We became friends after that day.

Through our friendship, I confided in him about my issues with Chris. I was miserable. I always kept to myself. I knew I loved Chris and wanted a future with him but I didn’t like the way he was too comfortable with his life. I wanted more for him than he wanted for himself. This was my constant conflict. Leaving seemed hard but staying was painful. I often turned to this older guy for counsel. 

Today, this man is my husband. Unbeknownst to me, he was grieving the loss of his wife when we met. I gave Chris two more years to take control of his life but he didn’t. During those two years, Kweku and I forged a friendship. I relied on him for counsel, and he also found comfort in our conversations. One day we were talking when he said, “Do you know you will be a good wife?” That was his proposal. By then Chris and I were long over.

READ ALSO: I Was So Desperate To Get Married That I Got Scammed Twice

He has three children. I get along well with them. It wasn’t easy getting both our families, my pastor, and my friends to understand that I wanted to marry an older man with kids, but we did it. We’ve been married for six months now.

Although Chris and I broke up two years ago, we still talk. My husband encourages me to be his friend. “Don’t cut him off. I know how much he has done for you. Maybe one day he will need your help, then you can return the favour.”

We Dated For Four Years Before I Discovered He Was A Married Man

I never thought I would find love again after Chris but look at me now. People call me a gold digger. They don’t know my story. They don’t know how many years I tried to make it work with Chris. All they see is the love I am enjoying today.

I just want to share my story to let people know that sometimes when women leave good men, it’s not their fault. No one wants to leave a partner who has done so much for them. You don’t know what they must have suffered before walking away. The way Chris and I started, we would have had a nice story to tell if we had ended up together. But life had other plans for me.

They say I married Kweku for his money. My question is, who in their right mind will see poverty and walk into it? Anyway, that’s their business. Me, I am here being loved and spoiled like a princess. I am such a happy girl.

— Madwoa

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at submissions@silentbeads.com. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB