I’ve been in this relationship for the past two years, me and my boyfriend. We had jobs we were doing before the pandemic took everything away from us. We lost the job that kept us going so we decided to start something on our own. I chose a different line of business while he also followed his passion. We both loved to do business because we were good at it.

Everything went on smoothly until my business started fumbling. I tried everything in the books but we were not in normal times so situations didn’t respond to the tactics in the books. I kept making losses upon losses. To salvage the situation, I dug into my savings and invested more into the business hoping the loose ends will finally firm up for the business to float. That didn’t happen. I Kept losing everything I’d invested in the business.

Fortunately for my boyfriend, his business was doing really well and was rising by the day. While I kept making losses, he kept making profits. He turned back at me and gave me a helping hand. He supported me financially and also gave me words of encouragement. I didn’t have to ask him for money before he gave it to me. And when he did, he did it generously and with a happy face. My reliance on him didn’t bother him so I relied on him to keep helping me. I’m not the kind of girl who loved to be taken care of but the situation I found myself in, I had no option but to let him take care of me.

People change when they are Overburdened, I knew it but I trusted my boyfriend to continue taking care of me because he didn’t give me a reason to doubt his capability of taking care of me. Things were good between us except for the occasional argument we had. That was expected. Every couple argues every now and then because they care enough to let their voices heard while fighting for what they believe in. We disagreed on many things. We argued extensively over things when we couldn’t settle our differences. Healthy argument until things started to change.

Our arguments went from regular disagreements to verbal abuse on his part. When I tried to defend myself from his abuse, he told me to shut up; “Don’t talk back at me when I’m talking to you. If you have any respect for me, you’ll stay quiet and listen while I talk.” In that instance, I will apologize to him; “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disrespect you.” I apologize often just to restore peace and harmony between us but he took my leniency to be my weakness and allowed my apologies to encourage him to continue abusing me. He’ll yell at me and say a lot of hurtful things to me. I should have been hurt but instead, I made excuses for him. “He must be stressed. He is a loving person. He wouldn’t say these things to hurt me on purpose.”

It got to my neck and pressed on my last nerve so I decided to talk to him about his behavior. I was calm when I discussed it with him. I told him how he hurts me with his words, how he dims the light in me with his actions. How he brings the courage in me down with his harsh words. All I was looking for was a change in direction—a change from being abusive with words. He listened to me speak my heart out and said, “You are very disrespectful for talking to me the way you did.”

It got worse from there. Whenever we had an argument, he made comments like, “What do you do for me that you think you can talk to me anyhow? Do you feed me? If anything, I’m the one who takes care of you so you should learn to be respectful.” He makes it sound like I don’t bring anything to the table. My finances are terrible now but I try to help out in my own small ways. I buy him gifts. Sometimes I pay for stuff when we go out. I cook for him with my own money. But it seems because I don’t do big things for him, he takes it as I don’t do anything for him. He tells me, “If you think I don’t treat you right, you can leave.”

The thing is, I love him so much so I can’t just walk away. He knows this and I think he’s using it as a weapon against me. He knows I can’t leave him however sour he treats me.

I understand he’s doing all that because of his contribution to my financial welfare. It’s not my wish to be this low financially and it’s not like I enjoy being taken care of by my man. I don’t but the situation I find myself in has brought all these burdens on us. After my business failed, I tried to start another business but all I encountered were one failure after the other. I want him to understand that I’m trying so he will stop treating me the way he does.

I wish he will revert to the loving and caring man I fell in love with. The man who knows that I’m not with him for his money. I was with him when he had nothing and I have been by his side helping him build himself slowly. I wish he will believe in me and trust the process I’m going through right now and know that I will be back on my feet again. Sometimes I wonder if this is how he would treat me when we get married.

Our last fight was last night. After disrespecting me from left to right, he accused me of disrespecting him. He said I talked to him disrespectfully when in actual fact he had been the one to turn the heat on me. He got angry and didn’t want to talk to me. I called and texted him. He didn’t respond to any of them. I understand he is not perfect and he has his issues but I am drained. His mood swings are unpredictable so I’m always walking on eggshells around him. Anything I say or do could trigger a bad mood yet he hates it when I get moody around him.

When I finally got him on the phone his response to me was, “Live your life without me if my attitude is such a bother to you.” Then he hung up and switched off his phone. I couldn’t let it slide like that so I sent him a WhatsApp message pouring my heart out to him; “I’m sick and tired of you constantly reminding me that I have nothing, and I don’t do anything for you. Why can’t we argue without you trying to make me feel like I am beneath you?” He hasn’t responded yet but at this point, I don’t mind if he does his worst and break up with me. I love him and I am trying to fight for our love but it looks like I’m fighting all alone.

–Jenny 

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