If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

We were in a loving relationship but I couldn’t stay happy.  He constantly asked what the problem was. I told him everything was fine. He knew it wasn’t fine because I shrunk around him. It became difficult to be me around him. I spoke to myself often. I played out all the scenarios in my head; “So one day we’ll get married. His parents will like to visit me in my office then they’ll know it was all lies. Or someone would tell them who I really am. They would stay angry at me because I didn’t talk when I had the voice to speak.” I kept thinking about everything and decided to apply some of the advice I got when I shared my story. 

Someone said I should go and meet his parents alone and tell them everything. I thought it was a piece of good advice. Someone also said I should sew a dress and present it to his parents as a gift. It was also a good idea. Someone said it’s better I know how they’ll react to my profession now than finding out later when I’m married. That was also a good idea but I couldn’t do it without him. I didn’t want him to feel disrespected or left out or betrayed. Again, I didn’t know what exactly he had told his parents about me. I sought to bring him into the idea before I carried it out.

He came to the shop one day after work. I was alone and less busy. I asked him, “Look around here, is there anything here that you don’t like?” He answered, “No, you have a nice office.” I asked again, “Does it look like a shameful place for your girlfriend to be? Just be honest with me. If I have to change everything here just to make you happy, I will.” He looked lost. He asked, “What are you driving at?” I answered calmly, “The issues about my profession and your parents’ acceptance. I used to be very proud of what I’ve achieved until you made me accept a lie you coached me to say. Now, I feel small about what I do because I feel you think small about everything here.”

He held his beard for a while. He hesitated to speak. He said, “You’re getting me wrong. I wouldn’t be here if I was ashamed of you. I’ve met so many women, none is like you. I’m proud of myself because of you, so why will you feel so small. I’ve told you, leave my parents’ issues out of this. When we marry, it’s over with them. You can be a kayaye and it wouldn’t matter because we are married.” I said, “That’s where you got it all wrong. Marriage can’t work if we take our parents out. I looked into your mother’s eyes the first time I was there. She didn’t look like a woman who will let go just because you’re married. She’s too loving to let her son go like that. If you believe in me and feel proud of me, then let’s not hide it. Unless you don’t like me that much. Unless you’re pretending.”

He thinks deeply about things before he says them. Alex is like that. When everything turned into give-and-take he told me, “Just give it rest. We’ll figure it out along the way.” That’s his way of saying, “Give me some time to think about things very well.” I gave him all the time and space he needed. I didn’t even mention it to get him distracted. I was coming back to being normal again. I was laughing every now and then. I was looking at him and wondering what I did right for such a man to come my way. Alex is such a catch. He doesn’t say what he won’t do and wouldn’t do what he said he wouldn’t do. Time is of essence to him in everything he does and he calculates his every step until he gets to his destination. He handled our relationship the same way. He gave me a date for our wedding and said, “It won’t fail so get ready.”

One day something struck me. I’d known Alex for so long and had met his parents but hadn’t met his junior brother. It escaped me because he hardly spoke about him. The first time he spoke about him I asked him questions and he answered. Alex is four years older than his junior brother but his junior brother is married with two kids and lives with his family in another city. I know how brothers relate to each other but Alex and his brother are different. I don’t even remember the last time he picked up the phone to call him. So I asked him, “What should I do before you introduce me to your brother?” He said, “Forget about him. He doesn’t matter.” That’s a strong statement right? I didn’t bring his brother up in our conversations again.

He told me about his mother’s birthday. He said, “We will go home on her birthday. You’ll see my brother if only he will come.” I told him, ”Great. I will sew a special attire for your mother. Something she will be proud to wear.” He retorted, “No you won’t. It’s her birthday and she has everything figured out. Trust me, you don’t have to do that. I insisted; “For once you have to trust me about your parents. Just this once.” He said, “No you won’t do it.” I did it all the same. He didn’t know but on her birthday I packaged the dress with the things we sent to her. I shuddered when I was sending it to her. He had succeeded in making me afraid of his parents.

That day I met his brother. They were good to each other, laughing and all. He introduced me to him and he also introduced me to his wife. I looked at Alex’s junior brother’s wife critically. I listened to her credentials and later formed my own opinion. The lady is a top executive officer of a reputable company. Even if she didn’t tell you her position, you can see it from the way she carries herself about. She has that kind of we-don’t-belong-to-the-same-level attitude. “Maybe, that’s why Alex wanted me to be that kind of a lady,” I told myself.

Two days after the birthday Alex called. He said, “My mom wants to talk to you about a dress. What dress is that?” I answered, “I gave her a dress. The one you said I shouldn’t do it. I did it. Forgive me.” He was a little bit angry but he was calm about it. I spoke to her mother on the phone. She asked where I bought it from and I said, “I did it myself.” She said, “Are you serious?” I answered, “Yeah, that’s my job.” She said, “It really fit. How did you get my measurement?” I answered, “It’s my job, mom.” 

“So you mean you’re in the fashion business?”

“Yes, mom. I’ve been doing this for close to ten years.”

“When you get the time, come home. We need to talk.”

That’s how I officially became my mother-in-law’s dressmaker. I told Alex, “You see? They actually don’t have any problem with what I do or who I am. It’s all in your head.” He answered, “I know them. They are the same people. Maybe something changed along the line but it doesn’t change everything.” That wasn’t my concern. The only thing that made me happier was the fact that I could go to their house and carry myself about as the woman I am. No need to elevate my steps or color my speech. That made me really happy. And I think it relieved the burden on Alex too because he became lighter afterward.

Our wedding plans went smoothly. His mother was very helpful and involved throughout the preparation. We got married a few days before Valentine’s day so we celebrated our first valentine as a married couple during our honeymoon. We had a lot to eat and a lot to drink. Late one night when we were going to sleep, I brought his brother’s issue up. He was at the wedding but his wife wasn’t. I think a couple of days before the wedding they talked and he told him he would come alone. I didn’t feel the brotherly vibe among them during the wedding. His brother passed through it as if he was just a common guest. He left before the reception was over.

I asked him, “Are you sure everything is alright between you and your brother?” He said, “I blame it on my father. But we are fine. It’s a little bit awkward between us but we are still brothers. Nothing is wrong with us.”

According to him, his father used to compare them and place his junior brother ahead of him in everything. In school, his junior brother was doing better than him. “While he was receiving awards, I was struggling to make a pass mark. So it was always me against him; “See your junior brother and how he’s doing well academically. You’re older than him and he has to learn from you but it’s the other way round.” His father told him. So Alex grew up seeing his brother as a competition than a brother. His brother got a better job and was able to marry at age twenty-five. Alex was twenty-nine and was still not married. His father continued to compare. He said one day at a table, his father told him, “You see the kind of woman your junior brother brought home? Go and bring any rubbish here and you’ll see.” 

So that was the beginning of the lies. He told me, “Not that I didn’t like what you do or wasn’t proud of you. I didn’t want my parents to look down on you. I knew they’ll compare. It’s the reason I wanted you to be something they would accept just to pass their ratings.” 

It was that day I realized he was carrying an old hurt on the inside. It was the reason he couldn’t flow with his junior brother. He felt his brother had become the yardstick while he trails behind him in everything. We are working on that. I told him to open up to his parents and forgive them totally even if they don’t say sorry. He did and had a lengthy conversation with his father about the whole thing. He’s healing. He’s relating better with his brother these days. A step at a time, he’s getting there and it makes us happy. He’s a good man walking around with burdens behind his back. Slowly, he’s letting them drop one after the other and when all is gone, he’ll be the best I’ve ever known.   

–Sabina

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