I am a midwife who just completed my national service. I had some weight issues that were affecting my health and my self-esteem. I tried diets and home remedies to burn fat but none of it worked. I remember how I even starved myself thinking that if I ate less I would lose weight. I only almost ended up getting a stomach ulcer. The next thing that I was left to try was workouts. 

I wanted to do it in an environment that would motivate me to keep going when it got harder. So I signed up for a gym membership. I explained my health needs to them and why I needed to lose weight. They assigned me to an instructor who was very patient with me. His name is Kwame. When I signed up for the gym I thought I was going to be working out in a safe space. It turned out that the people at the gym were just as horrible as people out there. I was body-shamed constantly. I was called derogatory names like Obolo, Ngozi and other names that were meant to make me feel bad for being fat. 

If I was working out and I got tired, the gym patrons would look at me as if I was lazy. I would have given up had it not been for Kwame. He pushed me and motivated me. He is the only person I met in my life who never made jokes or rude comments about my weight. He was kind and patient with me. He helped me through my routines with dedication and focus. His attitude made me want to do more so that his efforts wouldn’t be in vain. 

After our sessions, we walked home together because we lived along the same route. In the beginning, our conversations were mostly about the routines he took me through and the ones we would do if I stayed the course. After a while, we drifted into talking about our personal lives. 

The closer I got to him the more I realized that there was more to him than met the eye. On the outside, he looked like a womanizer. When we got closer I realized that I misjudged him based on his appearance. I got to know him for who he truly was. He was a kind-hearted young man who was struggling to make something out of himself. I am three years older than him but that didn’t stop me from falling in love with him. The guy acts with a kind of maturity that is beyond his age. From his actions, I could sense that he liked me too. Kwame saw me beyond my physical appearance. I always felt special when we were together. I waited to see if he would propose to me but he didn’t. 

After a while, I got tired of waiting so I decided to make my move.

One day on our way home I told him, “Kwame, I hope this doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable but I have something to tell you.” He gave me an encouraging smile. He said, “You know you can tell me anything.” I gathered courage and continued, “I have strong feelings for you, and I am wondering if you feel the same way about me.” He smiled and said, “I have strong feelings for you too. I have been doing my best to contain it because I wasn’t sure how you felt about me. I want to be with you but I am scared. I love very deeply and if you break my heart I may not recover from it with my sanity intact. Can I trust you to protect my heart, Amina?” 

I was touched by his rawness and openness. 

I told him that I was capable of loving him the way he deserved to be loved. Kwame is a hopeless romantic. He is a man who is in touch with his emotions. With him, I don’t have to worry about what he is thinking. He tells me literally everything. We have an open line of communication that has established trust between us. He has introduced me to his family and they love me. His sister and I have become practically sisters. Even though Kwame is an SHS leaver who earns only GHC600 at the end of the month, he becomes unhappy when I refuse to spend his money. He is everything I want in my man. I love him so much that I cannot see my future without him. He loves me too, I am sure of it. 

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However, our love has not made me brave enough to introduce him to my family. The thing is, my family is Muslim and Kwame is a Christian. My father has forbidden any of his children from getting involved with a Christian. Kwame’s family embraced me despite our differences in religion, but I know my family will not do the same for him. They will reject him the moment they find out that he belongs to a different faith. Due to this, I treat him like my dirty little secret. In public, I act as if he is just my gym instructor. But when we are behind closed doors, I give him all my love and affection. 

I don’t want to keep doing that. I want to stop being a coward who hides in the dark. I want to step into the light holding my lover’s hand. I want to be able to flaunt him in front of my family, but I’m scared. I am scared of what will happen if I tell my family about him. I am also scared I might lose him if I keep hiding him. 

I don’t know what to do right now. It looks like I can’t win in this situation. I am the girl who made a promise to him that I would love him the way he deserved. When he told me he may not recover when I break his heart, I was too sure that I wasn’t going to be the one to break his heart but here we are, unable to come into the glow of our love because of my family. I can see the end right before my face and it makes me scared. I don’t want to lose him yet I can’t put up a fight when it comes to my family. I’m in a huge dilemma. Where do we go from here? Please I need your advice.

–Amina

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